tido at 11pm, ere i am wit the books et al again startin at 3am tadik lagik. dah sejam neh - i am taking a break jap. turun bawah, bancuh Nescafe in a big tall Tupperware - aku selongkar fridge lookin for somethg to munch. lapar la plak.. masak Maggi pun sedap eh? tp aku malas. cukup la Nescafe satu Tupperware besar neh. i know - kalo mak tgk ni; sure she'll go startin on 'verbal diarrhea', fulfilling me wit good words and such - for she knows i shldnt be taking all sort of caffeine alrite.. tp Nescafe is a part of me meh! time2 study mcm neh la, kalo kena Nescafe.. whoaaa.. sorga.
to think back - i aint sure of wat i am doin in ere. heh. i know - i am havin like another one paper to be done by 12pm today. and after dis - i am kinda free, except nak kena pulun wit dis report ere and there, 2 minggu after the exam. the thg is - i aint sure y i am doin all dis. while ppl r in their MuMuLand - aku dah mcm zombie kg pisang at meja study; scratching, goin thru all dis shaits yg sah2 kalo aku were given a chance - heh, u think i'd like doin all dis? tido lagi baekkk.. sleep at 11pm, bangun at 3am? duh. its the last thang i wanna do.
but then again, its the choice yg aku dah chose. aku anak sulong - u know wat i mean. fmly aku fmly sederhana je.. and family all comes first. aku remember aku had tawaran like a few good ones; tp aku had to dropped em all for aku 'terpaksa' amek Form 6, since.. adik2 come first. aku remember cryin shait out, for kwn2 blah pi IPTA bagai.. tp aku stuck amek Form 6 je. but then - aku tak pernah nyesal pun. its the path yg aku dah pilih - for myself, mak abah and adik2 aku. now look at em all - kak yang will be back from UK doin her phd next year. cik dah siap his master.. Soleh, adik bongsu aku sorang tu pun - damn, he's one smart bloke. and i know he's gonna do alrite, god sake. and now, aku plak yg terhegeh2 nak siapkan all dis, one by one - following their steps, instead. theres always sort of inferiority complex in me bila tgk adik2 aku dah all the way leavin me behind. tp - i am proud of em. God dammit, i do proud of em all. for wat they r. for who they r. and aku taking em all as my inspiration to move on.. 'kalo adik2 aku bley, pe sal aku tak bley' kinda thang. i will be finishing dis one insyaAllah. yet aku still hav a long way to go. and i aint gonna stop, hell yeah. aku nak mak abah aku too, bangga wit me - tho aku 'lewat' sket; yet aku still can excel. heh. after all, learning is a long life thang.. u know wat i mean.
erm, despite coupla thgs in my mind now - i cld say i am havin sort of clear, fresh at head now - and yeah, think i shld be continuing my thang. coupla chapters to go, and i am all out for my Psychopathology of Children and Family paper at 12pm nanti. and if aku sempat siap - i mght be goin of join member2 aku kat Pdg Polo for the mass-aerobic. heh.. lama tak pi sana.
enjoy ur MuMu experience. think i'd be join u ppl before the Subuh soon, for a while. nak tin-ton dah paler aku neh!