Wednesday, March 31, 2010

too short, to be shitty..

i wld say i've been thru the worst before - and wat i am gonna get thru today or trow, wld be jst a plain 'peanut' dat i cld take it jst like dat and it aint gonna cost me a single shyte. dats wat i've been holdin on, day by day.. and i am doin alrite wit it. and somehow, it gets me goin. it makes me a better, stronger person (in a way) - dat theres not a single shyte gonna be in my way dat i cant deal wit - until today..

i promise myself i am gonna keep a mum about dis. and i will do dat God sake. jst dat wat i am gonna do in ere is solely about me - about myself, my feeling and such. and the fact is dat - damn, i finally know dat i aint steel shyte. i am jst a plain human being. i failed today. and i never expected dat i wld be so freakin weak, confuse dat i am not sure wat to tell, wat to do and such. i've made a wrong judgment. i was at the point dat i believe i wld be able to handle thgs alrite. dat thgs r goin to be jst fine - but f*ck. it aint. i feel like i am losing touch! dammit - i dun giv it a shyte about the so-f*ckin touch wat ever not - but the inability to 'restore' the whole thang making me feel like a crap, God sake.

but then - i realized somethg. i gez all dis inability, cripple makes u a human being. i aint a Superman. let alone some colorful Powerpuff Gals. i had my limits. i wont be strong forever. and i aint gonna be a weak like all the time. all dis makes me a better person, makes me a open up my eyes lookin thru a wide broader horizon. and today - i learn a lot. a real-lot, God sake.

we r jst a plain human being. made up from a flesh and blood. we all do mistakes. and we hav to admit it, if we do - for dat make us a better self, for dat allow us to move on. theres no use of keepin shyte in mind, build it up - the hatred, all up - piling up in u. for dats not goin to help, God sake. its about time to forgive and forget - shyte i know its so easy to say so, but dammit - trust me, it wld be worth trying - no matter how hard it is. life is so f*ckin short to deal wit all dis hatred in u, the pain, the regrets and such. we do trip sometimes. we all do. and dat doesnt mean we r a scumbag. useless. for if we dun trip, we never know how its gonna look like. how it feels like.

i am putting dis all in for sort of reminder for myself. i wanna remember dis - i wanna learn. i wanna hav less pain in me. i wanna hav no hatred kept in me. i wanna love ppl around me. i wanna make sure each sec of life left wld be memorable, great and kickin arses. i need no tears. i need no shyte, really. and i want all my love ones - be it some long gone frens, faded frens, my real best fren, my lovely family, - all ppl around me cld feel the same vibe as well.. dammit - life is so short to be darn pretty shitty.

i am sorry for lettin all dis out. i jst need to. or else - i'd be lookin out for some white owl, counting sheep God sake. and i want to start trow as beautiful as it is..

g'nite fellas. f*ckin bee-auw-tea-fool day trow, ya!


ezam said...

berat nieh....

berat sangat.....


need shoulder to cry on???

Prof. TunJedi said...

naper nie along? so deeply painful. just let me know wht makes thing so trouble? or worried about?

teruskan mencari along.. cari ketenangan itu. Tenang itu dari Allah. Nyawa itu dari Allah. Darah dan udara itu juga dari Allah. Sakit dan kekuatan itu juga dari Allah.

Semoga Allah sentiasa bersama along.