Tuesday, March 23, 2010

fear. loathing. disgust.

run. hide. it walks among us -- fear mingled wit loathing. when i am out in the world, dis is wat i see reflected in the eyes of the others. as they pass by. they see a massive miscreant, a disgusting freak of nature, an ego runs amok. they sometimes - stop and stare. but u wanna know wat? they dun really see me. they dun really see me, for God sake. while they see a freak show, an abomination - i am a damn an afterthought. i am darn invisible.

ppl say it is far easier to ignore, than to understand -- well i gez, dis happens so often. i sometimes look in the mirror to make sure 'i am still there'. no, i am not a shadow. i am not invisible. in the mirror - i see skin, bone, muscle, sinew. i see potential, the genetics dat my abah handed me down. but there is also fear. fear mingled wit doubt. and i cannot run - for dats the fact. i look and wonder if i can shoulder the crushing burden of my own expectation.

only a bit more than a year to go - i stand ere looking for signs of progress. after all the struggles, the sacrifices, and all - wat stands before me is a man striving for somethg more. somethg convincing. somethg dat he can hold on to. behind the fear and doubt, a fire burns fierce wit determination. i see a man unsure of wat's out there. crippled. scared. insecure. we are all programmed to fear the unknown.

but i gez - dats not gonna turn me away.



Jerung Rimba Putih said...

Nice one ASH.. can I Like-ing this post? I SEE YOU, ASH... (n_n)d

jerry maguire, jr. said...

u see me?