i wld say i've been thru the worst before - and wat i am gonna get thru today or trow, wld be jst a plain 'peanut' dat i cld take it jst like dat and it aint gonna cost me a single shyte. dats wat i've been holdin on, day by day.. and i am doin alrite wit it. and somehow, it gets me goin. it makes me a better, stronger person (in a way) - dat theres not a single shyte gonna be in my way dat i cant deal wit - until today..
i promise myself i am gonna keep a mum about dis. and i will do dat God sake. jst dat wat i am gonna do in ere is solely about me - about myself, my feeling and such. and the fact is dat - damn, i finally know dat i aint steel shyte. i am jst a plain human being. i failed today. and i never expected dat i wld be so freakin weak, confuse dat i am not sure wat to tell, wat to do and such. i've made a wrong judgment. i was at the point dat i believe i wld be able to handle thgs alrite. dat thgs r goin to be jst fine - but f*ck. it aint. i feel like i am losing touch! dammit - i dun giv it a shyte about the so-f*ckin touch wat ever not - but the inability to 'restore' the whole thang making me feel like a crap, God sake.
but then - i realized somethg. i gez all dis inability, cripple makes u a human being. i aint a Superman. let alone some colorful Powerpuff Gals. i had my limits. i wont be strong forever. and i aint gonna be a weak like all the time. all dis makes me a better person, makes me a open up my eyes lookin thru a wide broader horizon. and today - i learn a lot. a real-lot, God sake.
we r jst a plain human being. made up from a flesh and blood. we all do mistakes. and we hav to admit it, if we do - for dat make us a better self, for dat allow us to move on. theres no use of keepin shyte in mind, build it up - the hatred, all up - piling up in u. for dats not goin to help, God sake. its about time to forgive and forget - shyte i know its so easy to say so, but dammit - trust me, it wld be worth trying - no matter how hard it is. life is so f*ckin short to deal wit all dis hatred in u, the pain, the regrets and such. we do trip sometimes. we all do. and dat doesnt mean we r a scumbag. useless. for if we dun trip, we never know how its gonna look like. how it feels like.
i am putting dis all in for sort of reminder for myself. i wanna remember dis - i wanna learn. i wanna hav less pain in me. i wanna hav no hatred kept in me. i wanna love ppl around me. i wanna make sure each sec of life left wld be memorable, great and kickin arses. i need no tears. i need no shyte, really. and i want all my love ones - be it some long gone frens, faded frens, my real best fren, my lovely family, - all ppl around me cld feel the same vibe as well.. dammit - life is so short to be darn pretty shitty.
i am sorry for lettin all dis out. i jst need to. or else - i'd be lookin out for some white owl, counting sheep God sake. and i want to start trow as beautiful as it is..
g'nite fellas. f*ckin bee-auw-tea-fool day trow, ya!