Tuesday, February 9, 2010

life, again.

its a lunch time. yet i dun feel like goin out - its way too hot out there dat i prefer to jst stick in ere - in my room wit the air-cond rite on my head, well. after all - lunch up, alone? pathetic, it is. Ajak is in KL. Apiz in Alor Star. Mr Bong did ask me out for lunch - tp.. erm, malas la. may be after the meeting soon - i'll catch one. and yeah - dis last minute called for a meeting at 2.30pm.. adoyaaaayy! sickening la. i hate last minute nyer notis, when i alrdy planned well for the whole day - at early in the morn., well. back then - flexibility rules. in life, u stick ur life up the wall; and wont giv in once in a while - u'd put urself in stress - a bit more, God sake. i hate attending meetings, and dats the fact. but the ability to called off aku nyer program ptg ni - jst to attend dis 'silly' meeting; i think dah cukup baik la kot..

10.30 am rite up to 12pm - i talked on Stress and Health. shldve finished up the whole module - tp since its noon, and its like - once u look at the stdnts' faces pun, u dah stress - i let em off 45mins early. and they were jumping like reachin the ceiling well. heh. keji lah. sgt2 keji. tak pe la - if dat makes em happy, i'd be happy as well. or, vice versa? ermm AMK? haha.. jst dat i believe in readiness. when the stdnts ready to learn well, then they will. but if they r not - or the 'readiness' sort of 'fade away', theres no use to contain em, any longer. buat la apa pun - lawak babs gulin2 atas lantai pun, tak der makna nyer.. for they alrdy hav their mind - wandering out of the hall. so - heh, go and get it then!

before i called off the day wit the juniors tadik - aku sempat talked about the so-called 'life'. told them on how kdg2 expectation - too much of it - can lead to disaster. about wat life is. about how life shld be. and such. and i remember how all of them were like looking up at me wit sort of faces.. i dunno how to explain. impressed? wondering? tak faham? i dun know. and i remember how the class went silent for a while, at dat particular time.

back in the office. i started receiving coupla sms-es asking dis and dat. aku tersandar jap.. i wish they know, i aint dat perfect. i am not perfect, at all. i am not tryin to portray myself, or being one too. i wish they know how i've made mistakes in life - and sometimes; i keep on doin the same thg - again and again, and found myself weeping over it like shait - for i never learn. i remember telling em all, 'its ok to make mistakes.. theres nthg wrong for being wrong sometimes.. as long as learn. but if u keep on doin the same mistakes - again and again; w/o learning taking place - then ur a moron!'. damn, rasa mcm berdiri dpn cermin pun ada.

heh. life IS a learning process, itself. tell me about it!

i gez - theres nthg wrong, to be myself. i am learning. went thru shait, alrite. i've made mistakes. a lot of it. so wat? sometimes i do learn. very well. well enuff dat i refuse to face the same shait, again. but sometimes - i was so blinded dat i hardly learn. and dat hurts. its not dat i dun wanna learn - and change. sometimes, i hardly help myself pun.. *sigh* i dun know.

i am living life, and i am learning. and dis wont stop, God sake. unless, the life stops in between.

and dats somethg else.

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