Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year 2010!!





a new year, wit
a new moon..








i told myself i am not gonna write in ere anymore. despite of havin a new place - but then - i jst cant leave dis blog, jst like dat. it means a lot to me. a real one, indeed. i managed to tell tales in ere. shared thgs. i ventilated most of the shait in ere. i stumbled into lovely ppl along the way; fall for em, shared beautiful, memorable moments alrite. but shit happens. and toward end of December 2009 - i started to feel theres no point of jotting down anymore - more a reason, alrite. i was in deep shit. i was so sad dat i cldnt find proper words to describe my feeling - the sadness, the anger in me et al. and i decided to stop. but God knows how i miss doin dis - sittin in my fav room, facin my silly old lappy, takin my time letting thgs flow outta my head - jst like dat. i mean - jst like dat. and i cant describe the feelin of 'puas ati' each time i managed to do so. letting thgs out in ere, w/o futher hurtin myself, my emotion and my tots too.


but s'thg happened yesterday - and makes me change my mind. i finally believe, i gotta continue doin dis, as long as i really wanna do so. i need to continue writing for dis is wat i love doin so. i shldnt let other thgs disrupt me. and i shall continue writing - even if i am sad, sick etc.


s'one told me about 'the missing chapters' in 'a book'. he told me dat 'nobdy wants to buy a book wit a missing chapter in it'. he said 'books is not how u write it - its about how ppl understand the story..'. i understand wat he's tryin to say - i dun really care if u dun really get the story. and i dun really care if me myself - kinda confuse of wat i am havin in ere, too. for there's somethg yg btol2 buat aku terduduk and terfikir - he said 'jst imagine, 5 yrs from now.. ur readin one part of the blog, then theres the feeling strikes u - when ur readin dat particular part - and theres the missing part in it, and its not there.. u'll wonder, u'll lost.. wats wrong wit me? wat happen? u want to remember, but u jst cant - for its not there.. ppl dun write 'books' when theres missing chapter'. and he told me to write, for i wanna write - not for the sake of ppl to read.. he told me to write, bcoz the story i wanna share.. not for i write wat ppl wanna read.. he told me too - s'times the difficult part wld be the most inspiring entry - when u read back, yrs from now. damn - dat was so true, it gets myself kicked, alrite. i think i'll jst keep on writing then - i'll write about somethg dat hurt me, not someone else. i'll hurt my ego. i'll hurt my tot. and i will never ever hurt someone else's feeling, God sake.


for those who may concern - thanks!!



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thgs happen for a reason - i always believe in dat. in life - there'll thgs u never tot of, can happen jst like dat. and it'd left u in wonder. left u doin the thinkin - where did i go wrong? wat did i do? why shld i deserve dis? sometimes in life - u need to know thgs, to carry on wit life. sometimes - u know, but u prefer of not knowing - for dat wld hurt u less (may be). sometimes - u desperately wanting to know more - but u jst cldnt get the chance of doin so.. and sometimes - u better leave it as it is - for if u know it, u'll get hurt. u'll complicate thgs, alrite.


been thru shait for so many times - i think i am gonna be ok dis time around. i think i am stronger alrite. i was in deep shait for coupla days - and its been like more than a week now, now i know i am getting alrite. i know myself well. and i know if i am in denial or so. but for time being - i am gonna be alrite. for i hav to be alrite. dis is my life. my ownself. if i dun stand up, pickin up pieces - u know wat i mean.


i love wat i am havin now. and i love every thg in the past, too. there's no hatred in it. no grudges. i jst wanna live life as it is, while there's still chances, around.



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its 01/01/2010. first day of the month. first day of the year of 2010. everybdy's talkin about new year resolution. wat to do and wats not. erm - frankly speakin, i dun believe in one. i dun believe in havin one, pun. no - dun get me wrong. it doesnt mean dat i'll go against u, if u hav one.. its ok. go ahead, lah. own preferences, kan? but as for me - it aint gonna work. u hav like a list of resolutions, u determine to hav em all settled by end of the year; but towards mid of the year - u start to think - eh, wats for dis year eh? ermm.. tak pe - still hav like months to go and such. finally when u reach to the end of the year - u'll be wonderin, heh - wat about dis yr nye azam eh? did i or not? shall i 'rangka' a new one? wat about the last one? even worst - wats my resolution, eh? do i hav one? heh. yada yada yada.. as for me - a lil step in a time, wld be much better. set a small one. and walk the talk. simple, i think.


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initially i was involved wit registration of the chaps - new batch of stdnts, today. there'll be like 100 of em. but i managed to pull Isma (a junior lect) to cover me up. which means - i need not to be there in the bloody office doin shait on the New Year off-day. silly, it is. but one thg aku tak bley tolak - i gotta be there for the MHP thang after solat Jumaat neh. heh!





Happy New Year 2010, fellas. live life. dun let life, leaves u. enjoy every bit of it. enjoy every little thgs in it. hav less expectation - for the more u hav, the trouble u'd put urself in, then. be strong. be brave. strive for the best, in life. let the New Year be like a plane to ride in - ur God as ur pilot, ur iman as ur wings, ur taqwa as ur fuel, the love as ur engine, yr love ones as the crew, ur faith as ur safety belt and happiness as ur passenger.. go get more frens, get more ppl fall for u. and less enemy, of coz. i pray to Allah Taala, may there'll be more beautiful journey ahead thru us well, dis year.. and the rest of whole life, insyaAllah.







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