Saturday, October 31, 2009

gnite.





suddenly i feel so darn ashamed of myself - i know we r not gonna get most of the thgs we r all out for, most of the time - but then again i am just a flesh and blood..


its a mistake i kept on doin - over and over again.


i dun feel like doin anythg at all now. i jst wanna hit my crib, now..


*shait*





wtf




It aint my day. Its jst not my kinda day dat i want to be in anyway. I started my early morn wit a fcukin silly mistake, i went to the exam hall wit i-am-not-sure-wats-in-my-head kinda thang, i was lack of sleep, i hardly concentrate, my attention span dropped, the headache et al., i left the hall like 1.5hrs earlier then i shld. Its my fav topic, i knw. But i am not how far i did dis time arnd..


And s'how i cldnt careless pun. Lantak la. Malas aku. Esk lg. Nak duduk stdy at dis time, i dun thk i can pun. Nak tdo, i had my head like theres worms in it, nak kuar pi gym.. its raining, and i aint hav mood 4 dat..


Damn. A day to go. God.. *sigh*


radiohead..


video








one of my fav, during my 'muda-muda' time
Karma Police of RadioHead.










2nd day..






notes? mp4? coffee?
can i choose my bed then? heh.





its 3.45am in the morn., aku dah siap mandi, solat Isya' (lambat since mmg aku nak solat time ni), Nescafe siap one mug and aku dah prepare which chapter to be done by the mornin sun - to be read well. aku hope thgs r gonne be jst fine for the second day, today.


i am havin one paper at 12pm, which explains dat i am havin sort of ample time la kot.. i mean - enuff time to browse thru the notes, again and again jst to make sure the whole thang stuck there alrite. its gonna be on Personality and Human Dynamics. my kinda thang, and my kinda fav. harap2 aku bley pulun la ari neh..


gotta go and do the readin. wish me luck. all the world's of luck indeed. and dat i can get thru it well, wit a better health and concentration, insyaAllah.






Friday, October 30, 2009

gnite..







I wish u g'nite. I wish u all the very best for trow, dat it will brings u all kinda happiness, wit smiles on ur face. I wish trow wld be a wonderful one for u dat u'll continue bringin charms in everybdy's lifes. Lifes of ppl dat u care. Ppl dat u love. I wish u'll keep on bein a strong one, for u nvr knw dat when ur darn strong; u mght as well bring others to stand up their stance well.


I wish trow wldnt be cruel to u, for ur one delicate person dat u deserve way much better than dat. Life's short. Yet life's wonderful to jst keep urslf down in a shait, for u deserve better. Its ur own choice; its ur own life. To or not excel. As a fren, i wish u all the very best. All the sweet thgs for trow. And days after.. I'll never stop say a pray for u, for havin u as a fren is the best thang in life, dat i've ever had. Pls, hang on there. Dis is life. And life's shld be better for u. For me. For everyone else.


G'nite, fellas! Love u.




1st day.

One done, aku got anthr one to sit at 3. Aku hope i'd be jst fine, w'pun aku lemah sgt paper ptg2 ni. Ngantok. I mght as well t'tdo je kang, esp paper yg boring2 neh. Cemaneh? Tdo jap dulu lar, eh? Heh.

exam sucks! 1st day.







wtf.
it is SUCKS, rite? rite??







first day, God sake. its the judgment day. its the exam. dammit i hate exam. as much as all the stdnts do. and God sake too - each time i am gonna sit for one, trust me - i am trully understand why all my stdnts hate the idea of havin such thang. exam sucks. and hell yeah - wld dat means i love exam? heh. i hate exam. i cant chill. i need to place my arse rite there buried in the chair and read. i cant surf (tho literally, i still do! haha) i cant DotA. i cant do watever i wanna do. i cant channel surfin on my bloody idiotbox. and yeah - exam jst sucks. period.



woke up at 3am - i cant believe i was jst there kat meja study for hardly 30mins when i my eyes started gettin smaller and smaller.. i yawned like a freakin hippo. and all i think of - my wonderful MuMuLand. 3.35am - aku alrdy there in MuMu and threw some fits in my crib to the alarm sound, screamin like hell at 4.30am. dis time around - aku pi mandi, made myself a big mug of Nescafe - and ere i am.. tak pun jgk start study! dowh. heh - i will la, rite after dis.



for the first time ever - i aint sure wats got into me. i aint sure wats in my head. facts or full of shait. hope it aint shait anyway, for if it is - damn i'll be in a hot pan kat dlm hall nanti! argkhhh..



wish me luck. wish me the fcukin whole wide world of luck, pls. for i am freakin scared now. i am havin dis panic mode on now.



can anybdy tell me, how to switch it off? *shait*








Thursday, October 29, 2009

pick more daisies..






daisies, anyone?







of course u cant unfry an egg, but yet - theres nthg wrong and surely hell, theres no law against of thinking about it. if i had my life to live all over again - i'd try makin more mistakes. i wld definitely try to be more relax. i'd be sillier more than u'll ever think of, more than i've been in dis trip. i know of very few thgs dat i'd take seriously. i'd be less hygienic. i'd kick off my semi-OCD habit dat somehow - dammit, they r killin me at time being. i'd be less dal-ga-ya-lam. i'd go more places - of course. name it, i'd jst go wit no second tots. islands, beaches, hills and highlands. i'll swim more rivers and sea. i'd eat more ice and less vegetables. i'd keep my hair long and forget about how my bald-ness wld keep me sane. i'd hav more actual troubles and fewer imaginary troubles. like - 'ada aku kisah' kinda thang. i'd go hurt more ppl, rather than jst let myself being hurt, like most of the time. heh.



u see - i gez i am one of the those fellas who live prudently and sanely (enuff); hr after hr, day after day. sucks, alrite. hold on. it aint dat bad. of coz - i do hav my moments, as well! but if i had to do it all over again - i'd hav more of em all - a lot more.



if i had my life to live over, i'd pay less attention to ppl who teach me tension. i'd leave Hafiz behind. i'd ban all those ppl 'yg skema giler'. i'll go to work at ease (in ur dream!). they tell us dat we must learn Sejarah; otherwise we will be disgraced and ruined and flunked and failed. heh. but to tell u the truth - i wish they had sold me the Sejarah thang as a lark. God sake.



i'd seek out more teachers who inspire relaxation and fun. i had a few of em alrite; fortunately, and i figure it was they who kept me from goin entirely along the sane mind. from em all, i learned how to gather wat few scraggly daisies i've gathered along life's pathway.



if i had my life to live over, i'd start barefooted a lil earlier out there and stay dat way a lil later. i'd spend more time in the rain.. feelin all bits of the water fall on ur face. i'd play more sports. i'd go more tennis, of course. i'd shoot more paper wads at my boring teachers. to all the nerdy which sometimes can be pain in the arse. i'd hav more cats. i'd keep later hrs. i'd sleep late at nite. i'd skip takin all kinda medications. i'd go get myself an expensive bulky camera and shoots more pics, w/o worryin how much it'd cost me. i'd hav more sweethearts. i'd learn how to fish well. i'd go to more circuses. movies. i'd go ride on more merry-go-rounds, and forget of those looks at u as if ur a plain retarded by doin so. i'd be carefree as long as i cld, or at least until i got some care - instead of havin my cares in advance. i'd learn more. and i'd pray more, of course. for at least - i then got nthg to regret. true enuf, more errors are made solemnly than in fun.



in a world in which practically everybdy else seems to be consecrated to the gravity of situation - i'd rise to glorify the levity of the situation, God sake. i remember s'bdy told me coupla yrs back - and i still remember it well; "gaiety is wiser than wisdom", for i aint sure watever it means, but it hits me alrite. i doubt, however; dat i'll do much damage wit the creed. the opposition is way too strong. there r too many fcukin serious ppl out there, tryin to get everybdy else to be too darned freakin serious, as well.



dammit. how i wish..



wld it be too late then? *sigh*





a day, to go!

woke up at 3am early dis morn., i was tryin so hard to do some kinda fast-readin, did some preview on wat i shldve read and wats not. by 6am - aku dah lalok, crawled for MuMu for an hr and by 8am aku dah outta house. Mr Khairuddin Azahari aout of the blue called me up smelm - tellin me dat i need to go thru 2hrs wit Public Health Care postbasc on Counseling Process. heh. again - last minute thang. i can say 'no', but then i got no choice since i was the only one running the department - ended up me standin there delivered wat i shldve not - duncha think i shldve be at home, readin? i am. hell yeah.


10.30am aku terus blah kuar office - i was so sure dat i wanted to go back home str8; but somehow or rather - i landed up in the gym. keji kan? no it aint. workin out in the morn is the best thang for me.. bg aku lah. gym tak pack. u need not to hurry. ur darn way fresh - mentally, physically. and indeed - nobdy around. i gotta chance to do my biceps/shoulder all the way out pg neh. puas ati sgt2. heh. and yeah - no Jamal Abdillah on the back ground.


had my lunch, drove back home, mandi2, solat Zohor and ere i am.. i will be doin the readin rite after i am done wit dis alrite. i got like 2 sets of modules/notes to go thru. insyaAllah - dis aint gonna be hard for me - for awal2 lagik aku dah went thru em all, did some conteng2 ere and there, brain-map alrite.. so skang aku jst need to speed thru sajork.. harap2 aku manage la.. its noon. after 12pm. watdya expect! hehe


theres coupla thgs botherin me. about thgs. about s'thg. i am tryin so hard to repress em all, for at least - let me go thru the papers first. i shall deal wit it; if i really wanna do so - after the exam's done. nthg biggie. nthg so significant pun. but i need to sit, go thru it well - for i hate dis bloody thg bugging me like freakin shait.


damn. tak bukak buku lagik dah ngantuk. cemaneh? keji la..













long way to go. i need to jump on the scale lagik kerap -
if i ever shed some wt or not.. heh.





Wednesday, October 28, 2009

br8down






video







one of my all time fav, Mariah Carey's Breakdown. nice lyric. used to listen to it like hell before.. do enjoy.








:-(







tertido kat meja study. bley? heh. call in tak dgr - and i was like havin 4 missed calls. dammit..



:-(





study, till u drop.




*yawn 44x*




I am bck on the track, doin thgs i shldve been doin damn way much earlier, i.e reading and go thru notes et al. I am glad if smlm post midnite, i was strugglin to find tempo and strength to start, to put my arse down and do the readin.. dis early morning, i am able of doin it alrite. Slept at 1am, woke up at 3am - aku managed to finish up a chapter and a half on Self Esteem and now on Motivation. I was havin a clear tot dat i managed to absorb quite number of thgs.


I rmbr during my stdnt time - dis is wat i do. I was a playful stdnt. I hardly sit well in lect hall. Selalu kaco mamat/minah2 nerdy. Tp at the end of the class, i'll make sure i do hav the notes and aku too selalu spent time jmpak lecturèr askin dis and dat. Kat bilik, aku jarang sgt2 stdy pun at nite. Aku rather rayau2 bilik member2, cri jajan and kaco org stdy. Bley? Org tdo, aku pun tdo. Tp aku bgun awal, before Subuh arnd 2 or 3am.. and dats the time bila aku start conteng2 nota, go thru em all, add some notes, updating em and a lot more. Lps Subuh, aku golek jap so dat aku tak ngantok during classes.. And gez wat? Aku managed to score and jdi Overall Best Academic nye stdnt pun. Pelik eh? And suprisingly, dats still my way of doin thgs when it comes to stdy etc. Heh. I gez dats among few thgs yg tak b'ubah wit in myslf la kot..


Erm, gotta go. Dah Subuh. MuMu sekejap!



Tuesday, October 27, 2009

the sky, the clouds, trees et al.




















i snapped the above pics during my traveling pagi tadi.. all along the way from Seri Iskandar to Parit. i know they looked kinda depressive. the emptiness, the loneliness and such. i aint sure y they r dat way - for i dun hav any answer as well.


i aint gonna put captions on em all. u see it, u name it well. use yr perception well. for as me - i kinda like em all.








..









If you could only see
That I was not put here for you
To judge me and dispute my inner most truth

And after all these years of enmity, envy and tears
It's a shame you don't know me at all

I was wondering
Would you cry for me?
If I told you that I couldn't breathe
If I was drowning, suffocating
If I told you that I couldn't breathe

Those ancient buried recollections
We transform them and select them
You have yours, I have mine
That's fine
While we're too torn to heal
Our stitch has never disappeared
I have mine, you have yours
I'm sure

I was wondering
Would you reach for me
If you saw that I was languishing
I was wondering would you cry for me
If I told you that I couldn't breathe
If I was drowning, suffocating
If I told you that I couldn't breathe




Languishing; Memoirs of Imperfect Angel
Mariah Carey









tutorial, again.







had a simple day. started at 7am - aku dah alrdy on the road. mission of the day; aku gotta finish up coupla KKs and one hospital - doin my routine bed-side teaching and clinical teaching/supervisions. managed to finish em in time (or early, it is), aku hav coupla hrs of ample time to finish up coupla own thgs as well. had my nap, off to gym at 4pm. by 5pm - mak abah alrdy in. and gez wat - mak brought dis nasik lemak bungkus daun pisang and drove me up the wall. there goes my diet and all sucha thang, down into the drain. heh - like i care. bukan selalu pun.. hehehe


tutorial part 2 wit the juniors on Human Development - theories etc. took my sweet time and enjoyin free and easy discussion wit like 116 of semester satu nyer stdnts. i am tryin so hard to make em comprehend the whole thang - for aku tak nak ada yg kantoi in their sumative to come, real soon. and gez wat - i am leavin my noted, my books, modules et all back at home for em all. aku shldve sit down and study for my own sake, now.. but i am not. heh. takut la.. aku pe pun tak study lagik!


gotta head home now. settle down, and start wit my own part - reading and all. aku rasa puas hati dpt tolong budak2 neh - w'pun it was so tedious and aku pun mcm tak sihat mana pun. but lookin at their faces yg puas hati dgn explanation and such - shld make my day a better one, indeed.



g'nite.




insomniac?





shait.





reached home around 10.45pm, i hit my crib wit some kinda numb all over. in my head, it is. feeling giddy alrite - cld be becoz of the class jst now. its a large crowd, and they forgot to put on the cordless mic. and i was like screamin at top of my lung, hell yeah.


its 12.15am - i finally back into my study room; wonderin wat to do. shall i do some reading? shall i do dis? shall i do dat? i jst cant make up my mind. dis mind of mine - i am feelin so helpless lately; for i jst cant put it into 'mute' whenever i need to. theres so many thgs running up there, makin thgs worst. and the headache - i hate it..


think i shld be goin downstairs and look for my Stilnox. somethg i din do for quite sometime now. i refused to get use to it.. facilitate my sleep wit all dis chemical thang. tho it mght not havin bad effect on u, i never trust in such. but it looks like i din hav much choices, to choose. i need some rest. some sleep. i am workin trow.


and i am gonna be on road again trow - all damn fuckin alone.. :-(











Monday, October 26, 2009

..






may be i shld stop pulling ppl's legs. and crack stupid jokes. may be i shldnt take thgs for granted too. for once u've made mistakes - its like forever u'd be.


i feel bad tonite. its poor me for i hav to ended up my beautiful day, like dis. i gez it's nobdy mistakes. ppl, i mean most of us - tend to jump into conclusion when we r under stress. when we r under-attack or somethg. or, perhaps - it cld be 'jst my luck' day, as well. call it as a soft-spot, perhaps.


but it aint a big deal. i know. jst dat for the time being - i feel so damn annoyed. irritated. sad. for thgs i din know a single freakin thang, for thgs i din do. and i never, ever, ever think of doin such silly thg, as well. never ever, all dis while.. but then again - dis aint a big shait. it aint a big deal pun. i've been thru worst, God sake. and i am gonna be alrite wit the sunrise, trow morn insyaAllah.


all along the way - ppl makes mistakes. but makin a mistakes doesnt mean it is bad all together. and makin a mistake once doesnt mean ur damn freakin bad, i believe. i dun know.


sometimes - in life; to hav faith in urself, and in others is the toughest thg to do.


but its gonna be worth it. if u'd able to hav one.



gnite.

..




Tears And Rain





how I wish I could surrender my soul
shed the clothes that become my skin
see the liar that burns within my needing
how I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold
how I wish I had screamed out loud
instead I've found no meaning.



how I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind
hold memory close at hand
help me understand the years
how I wish I could choose between heaven and hell
how I wish I would save my soul
I'm so cold from fear.



I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain
all pleasure's the same - it just keeps me from trouble
hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble
it's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.





argkhh..




'cant u see i really am workin in ere? heh.'




now i hate Monday. i mean - i dun really hate Monday itself. jst dat - i hate today - for aku was like mcm tak cukup tangan. jst dat ari neh - aku rasa mcm banyak sgt keje to settle.. and God sake - i really do work. really, really do work - for God sake., hell yeah. and tonite - budak2 junior neh mintak aku buat tutorial. nak bincang soalan and such. and the best part is - they want it to be like 3 nites in a row. and the best part is (again) - they want me too, covering some of the topics of Psychology/Sociology yg di ajar dek one of the senior - wit alasan - 'tak faham la, sir!'. heh. matilermelk. topik org lain, aku la kena cover. jst becoz i am the only guy running the Psycho depart. bley? tak buat tutorial, fail kalo - aku jugak jenuh nak berbalas pantun. kalo buat pun - mcm ni lar.. aku pun nak stdy jugak!! ujung minggu neh ada papers! huwaaa.. but then - as usual; i am capable of multi-taskin alrite. keje, keje jugak.. tp YM! and FB, tetap! haha



its about to rain out there.. baru je plan nak jog ptg neh. mcm dah lama sgt aku tak berlari2 anak - doin the jog thang. malas la plak nak pi gym ari neh..








monday as it is.





the rainbow - its been ages since i see one.
but it was there dis mornin.. miracle? co-incidence?
heh.






its Monday - watdya expect. i was lackin of sleep, i jst cant sleep well last nite. theres coupla thgs bothering me and i cant be in MuMu dat well.. i wish i cld clear up dat coupla thgs before off for MuMu - but thgs sometimes can be easily said than done.


i am havin no class today. no clinical visit as well. but i am havin like coupla thgs to be done before off for clinical visit trow and off-days startin Wed rite up till Friday. i hope i can hav sort of peaceful mind for i need to settle done and study - on Wed and Thursday since on Friday rite till Sunday - i'll be sitting for papers.. heh. last minutes prep, as usual. u go to classes, u tell tales askin dis and dat to the stdnts to sit and study well, get it done as early as u can - but when i comes to reality, aku pun study last minute. heh.


i feel damn pretty tired lately. i jst dun know why. and the headache is there - most of the time.






Sunday, October 25, 2009

@ Budi Mulia, Chemor.




sara, banu and another gal - doin the ice breakin.






acap as the mc (no way the Mariah Carey, pls)
and Mr Bong.. wakil Pengarah.








dis group of gals performin some sort of 'trademark'.
kelakar..








and dis group nyanyi lagu WonderPet.
cute giler!!








the all-boys group.







munir, me and rahimi - one of my stdnt.







is dis banu? puneshah? damn.
i am sorry - hardly beza u both!








syaiful 'ikan' hafizi, munir and me.







makan time!!






i bet they did hav a good time,
jst like me..







spent my Saturday wit somethg meaningful dis time around. i mean - its not like i never get involve wit all dis community service, but dis time around - it was so meaningful to me.. i was wit like 25 of my students and 50 of children dari Rumah Budi Mulia Nurul Huda of Chemor Perak. we had a simple programme there - started at 10am and ended up around 1.30pm. i was supposed to give some sort of motivational talk to all those kids wit the age of 5yo up to 16yo - but then the projector wasnt work well, so aku kena bagi talk secara impromptu je la.. and gez wat i did? aku duduk infront of em all - mcm penglipur lara plak rasa.. so aku jst threw em all some teka teki yg ada kaitan dgn Creative Thinking.. kelakar plak rasanya. imagine bila u asked em all like 'mcmana nak masukkan gajah dlm peti sejuk..' kinda question like dat - most of em all can answer them very well - tak mcm budak2 aku yg dah besar pjg.. its amazing how kids able to use their creavity tots, berbanding budak2 besar neh..


i had a nice weekend indeed. the programme brings me some kinda insight; a new one, indeed. i am sad seein em all. some of the kids - they r so like down they hardly be able to mingle around pun. dat u hav to talk to em, pujuk and used all ur skills; so dat dorg tak segan etc.. i remember few of my stndts lepas pujuk budak2 neh, tp tak 'jalan'; they was like - 'sir, ur case..'. heh.


the rest of the weekend was a blast for me. nice indeed. its tiring, but i aint complaining. good time. good company.




Friday, October 23, 2009

at Heritage.



At Heritage, for a dinner. Sthg i normally din do. I prefer stayin bck, instead. But tnite, i am doin a favour. Its 8.20pm, the program yet to start.. Aku dah lapar, no lunch infact ari ni.. Heh. Suddenly i wish i cld be home. I hate formality. And sure hell i look like an absurd. Heh.





the whole week - wrapped up.







i started the week wit kinda good thang in line.. but towards the end, it freaks me out. i gez dats wat and dats the way life is.. it is so unpredictable. and if it is - it aint life, i think. wats the thrill of havin predicted life, in front of u.. but then - sometimes in life; u dun need any surprises. and as for me - theres few kinda surprises dat i hate of facing, but then again - do we hav any choice. to choose? erm - and i gez we shall live life as it is la kot. sometimes, the more we thnk about wat it is, how it is - the more headache u'll get.. *sigh*


but then again - few nice surprises for me too as well. i received dis so called Pos Express from KK - theres Mariah Carey's Memoirs of Imperfect Angel in it.. international edition yeah. wit Elle's booklet in it. i was glad. i've been listenin to MC's new album on the mp3 je.. since mmg dah lama sgt tak beli any albums pun. but havin dis - was a nice thang, indeed.


and for the first time like a year now - aku main bowling. ada tournament antara lecturer and students.. i know i aint good alrite, lagipun dah lama tak main bowling - it used to be my fav, like every weekend lepak kat bowling alley. and u know wat? main satu game, 2 frames - 121 points, 150 points. hows dat? it may be means nothg for u - but as for me.. wow. ok la kot.. the reasons was like - a) lama tak main.. b) skill dah 'rusted'.. c) lawan dgn student lak tu!.. so - balik je aku terus flat. and flat in sense of - real flat! heh.


and i did a clinical visiting too, last coupla days. to Beruas-Parit-Pantai Remis. its a tiring journey alrite. i hate driving. especially alone. and theres fews thgs jugak yg aku stumbled into. students sometimes can really makes u feel appreciated. and otherwise too, sometimes. aku tangkap 2 students senior neh - havin all kinda rokok kat bilik - atas katil, dlm beg yg terbukak under the bed. its a norm - for u to not to smoke in the hostel. sumer org tau. especially ur a medical personnel nyer stdnt. and all dis while - aku tau; mmg sah2 those stdnts yg merokok, merokok in the hostel. tp mls nak kecoh2. malas nak ambush bagai.. aku selalu ckp dlm kelas - to behave, and act like an adult. aku kalo pi clinical visits all those remote area, jarang2 pun masuk bilik budak2 for i hormat dorg nyer privacy. tp dis time around - aku betol2 pissed off the the stndts and makes me acting out the way aku never did before.. furthermore - they jst letak atas katil mcm tu je.. they xpcted me to tutup mata saja, eh? no way la. mmg tak la..



and today - i am havin a tuff time. the counseling session dgn stdnt yg tak jugak2 ader insight to change. resistant. dah 4 sessions - mcm tu jugak. naik buntu paler otak aku..









and today is Friday - u know wat i mean.







me and Mr Bong at the bowling alley..








kotak-kotak rokok yg aku rampas..
its like 'u scratch my back, i'll definitely scratch urs!'
k
inda thang.. aku dah amek tindakan displin. senang keje aku.








i received dis earlier - but i wasnt in the office.
Zambri the office guy
called me up, sayin dat i am havin dis -
rasa mcm nak je dtg ofis.. tp i jst cant..









and dis is wat i got! huhu.. she's freaking sexy, aye?
like me. erk.










Wednesday, October 21, 2009

wat life is?







i jst hate most of the thgs today. i hate myself for bein so helpless. hopeless. denial. and i hate myself for i cant be controlling most of the thgs alrite. i hate myself for i am tryin to be strong, i hav to be strong and show around dat i am so freakin alrite, yet deep down i knw i am not, and i am so bloody vulnerable. and i hate it for i cant be hiding most of the thgs and i am letting others read me 'like an open book'. now i know y mak keep on telling me 'i cant hide secret' dat 'i can read it on ur face' kinda thang.. damn.


i gez i dun hav to be dat strong. its ok to not bein dat strong - for dats wat human bein is. i aint Superman. and i aint Wonder Woman, for God sake, too. i am jst a flesh and blood. i shld be scared shait and afraid when i am one. its ok. rite?


i remember for keep on askin the stdnts - y r we afraid? and i'll answer em - for we r afraid of the unknwn.. the uncertainty. if u know thgs for sure, u aint gonna be afraid, for sure. ur aint gonna get scared. for u can stand ur own ground. ur own stance.


but then - where am i standin, anyway? *sigh*






damn.





Tuesday, October 20, 2009

its.. erk - Tuesday! heh.






will be on the road again - dis time around i am off for clinical visits/teaching to Klinik Keshatan Beruas, KK Parit and KK Pantai Remis. kinda all-around to drive all alone tho; but its ok. i gotta finish up all dis re-scheduled thang before next week. heh.


ptg at 5 - 7pm; there'll be a bowling tournament between us - the lecturers and the kiddos. i mean - the stdnts, that is. Ajak repeatedly reminds me to be there for 'ko la sorang2 lecturer yg finely selected to join team aku' kinda thang like dat. heh. time to put a bit of demand then. and aku was like, 'tengok la ajak.. kalo aku sempat abes clinical..'. wah!! haha.. bara je aku tgk muka mamat grizzly bear neh. hahaha.. well, bukan pe. lama jugak la since aku last ber-bowling neh. mcm hilang skill je aku rasa. dis is aint PSP game ao Wii-ing at home dpn screen.. (hehehe..). i mean - dis is for real. dgn stdnts plak tu. heh.


gotta leave home now. i know its damn way too early. tp - the earlier, the better. so aku tak trap in the traffic. yeah. traffic, it is. like wat? 10 bijik kereta dpn aku kah? indeed. dats wat i call, 'traffic'. dun make dat faces, pls. dis is Ipoh. and it aint like KL, ok!. hehe


chioa. u hav a great day ppl!




Sunday, October 18, 2009

in the dark.










watdya think?









*yawn*

Aku was wit articles aku shldve be done reading last wk, wit half-opened eyes when Hazwan aka Acik dtg rengek2 ajak pi kedai for he nak sgt2 mkn Maggi. He was wandering up and down kat dapur begging for his ummi to get one for him but 'umi sibuk nak masak..' and 'abh pi rmh kwn..' when aku asked him nape aku jgk yg jadi mangsa. Heh. So dats wat i did, drag myslf on abah Yamaha Sukan to the shop to get coupla packs of Maggi. Pls la. Maggi tghari rembang mcm neh.. Theres few thgs in my mind. My body aching badly still. Perut penuh. Mata ngantok.. Heh.

br8fst?

I nvr hav one. Except for a brunch. And except when aku kat kg. Coz if i din take one, mak will make sure her work description worked well, and she will definitely sounds like HotFM. Hot wat? Heh. So today, for br8fst; mak masak dis 'nasik itam' as Kimie called it. Nah, it aint nasik itam. Tho i knw it is itam in nature. Its Nasi Lemuni wit Smbal Tumis Ikan Bilis. And ikan kering too. Dun ask me wat mak put and make it black in color. Its 'herba' as mak ckp. Heh. Like i care. Its mak masak. And it tastes heaven. Gez wat? Aku hate to admit, but aku abes 2 pinggan for God sake.. 'Along tak mkn br8fst konon, tp sekali mkn, hlg akal..' as kak ngah said. Benci la. Its a wkend. Can i hav a time of my life? And be a mokmok. Erk. Damn!

rainy day..

Woke up at 5am, i hardly sleep after dat. I had my mind wander over places. Over thgs. Wake up for Subuh, aku gerak Kimie and Areeyna for solat as well. Aged of 8 and 10, dorg mmg dah patut solat bila waktu solat dah masuk, and dats wat kak ngah dah didik dorg pun. Done wit it, i aint sure wat to do. Its raining outside, abah tak pi surau pun. I am not gonna go sit infrnt of my lappy now God sake, for its way too early in the morn., and its Sunday morn. And darn its raining. Shld get urslf bck to Mumu, Britney. Heh. Tp tak bley lena la plak. At time like dis, makes me thkg. About thgs. Ppl. Life. And such. I wish life wld be easy for all of us. I wish i cld be there for those yg down in deep shait and drownin in own problems. I wish i cld help em out. I wish i cld sort thgs out for them so there'll be no lonely nite, no down in own blues, no nthg. I wish i cld be there by their sides at time like dis. I wish i cld do the Star Trek thang where u can be sekejap sana sekejap sini wit in sec to be arnd my love ones so dat they knw dat i do care and i am arnd when they need s'one to hold on to. But then, i aint do any teleport. I am jst a plain flesh and blood. A human bein, alrite. Yet, wat ever it is - i am willin to do anythg at all, wit in my capacity to help. Tho s'times i do feel hopeless, helpless - dats not an excuse for not being able to be there when u need me to.. rite? I wish its gonna be a real good day then. Its Sunday. SunnyDay, i hope so. And i wish its gonna be a good 4u out there, and 4 me as well. Gez ì gotta teleporting myslf to MuMuLand now. Who knws, Paris Hilton is still there. Oprah. Tom Cruise. JLo. Mimi as well. Gd morn., ppl. And g'nite! *yawn*

Saturday, October 17, 2009

*yawn*







from left - Haziq, Kimie, Damia in her new wig.
feels like borrowing it.






never tot the berokband is functioning well ere in my kampung, i feel like - whoaaa.. for the last time aku checked, no coverage wat so ever. but then again - theres a bad side of it. aku at time being mcm sibuk sket nak buat asgment. and bila aku get connected to the web - u know lah.. FB lar, blog lar, YM! lar.. heh. ended up asgment ke mana, aper ke mana..


at time being - aku dok pulun buat my second asgment. dpn idiotbox. channel Ceria. bley? heh. keji sgt2. budak2 neh la.. bosan aku. tak abes2 Ceria. tolong la.. bila dorang bosan tgk tv, pakat2 shuffle dpn aku - wit some kinda weird songs from their mum's hp. bila aku tegur - dis minimonsters started to chant 'pak long bodo' again and again. aku pe lagik - repot trus to their mum, ended up masing2 kena tarik telinga.. haha.. kelakar aku tgk. and now masing2 buat muka tak puas ati kat aku! hehe


baru je siap 2 pages, aku dah mula rasa mcm malas sgt2. ngantuk pun ada. bosan pun ada. but i gotta be displin. displin sgt2. adoii..






erk..

Mak asked me to look at the fridge otw to the dapur, and i found dis 'sibuk nya mamat ni' wrote nicely on a stick-up-note from my abah's reading room. Aku asked mak wats dat all about and she it was from Areeyna, my eldest minimons. She wrote dat coupla wks bck during their weekly balik-kampung thang, wit hope they'd catch me during one of the trip. Baru aku t'ingat, its been wks since aku do the balik-kampung thang. The last one was Eid'ul Fitr lar.. Mak told me minimons kept on asking her, 'opah, mana pak long?', 'opah, pak long balik tak..' and such, each time they were ere. Heh. Rasa b'salah la plak. Sian bdk2 tu. Sian mak abah aku. Erm, nape dorg tak smpai2 lagi eh? Rindu plak aku nak tgk bdk2 tu shuffle, while chanting 'pak long boddo' on their mouth, repeatedly as if dats a music for em to dance along wit. Erm, pak long bodo lar! Pak long aint a bimbo, ok. At least. Heh.

home!

Woke up at 10am, aku b'gegas siap for Ajak's doa selamat aka openhse at his home at 11am. Siap2, by the time aku smpai there - org dah start baca Yassin and such. Had my lunch there, sembang2 and socialize sket; off i go lah. And now, thank God aku dah smpai kg. Its such a nice thang to be arnd in ere, wit mak abah arnd and kak ngah plus all the minimönsters to be arnd real soon. Nak lepak2 jap and gotta start my next asgment real soon. I wish i dun hav to do dis, but then - do i hav any choice to choose? Gotta be discipline. Wah! Katanye. But then bila minimöns smpai, sah2 la aku tak bley buat pe2 pun. Heh. Aiyo, ngantok plak.. Mencik la.