Thursday, April 30, 2009

best thg in life..


Best thg in life? Wats dat 4u - be wit ur love ones? Sharing thgs wit her/him? For me? Watching sunset wit s'one who cares about me, s'one who wants me for wat i am as it is..


things happened..



i hardly sleep last nite. slept at 11pm after came back from Ipoh Specialist - theres so many thgs jumbling up and down in my head - i jst cant close my eyes. aku cld hear Soleh dok pasang dis Yuna nye lagu - again and again thru out the nite - until aku kinda fall for it. the songs, it is. aku remember Soleh did tell me regarding dis Yuna-thang. and remember reading about it somewhere in someone's blog - Thoyol's kot. about how nice she is, how good the vocal is, how great the songs r.. *sigh* youngsters. been there. done dat. but yeah - no doubt. i think the songs r great. mcm Nerina Pallot sket2. so - all the thru the nite; i was kinda fully conscious - my eyes hardly closed, my ears on the songs from downstairs, and mind cat walking somewhere else. or - may be aku kinda anxious, anticipating for somethg dat is goin to happen today - later in a day. mix-feeling and such..


---


after Ipoh Specialist mlm tadik aroun 9.30pm - aku was infront of the lappy alrite - as usual - doin my thang; the office thang, it is. and i received dis call - it was from my gym; Mr A*** was online - speaking. so i was like - having him on the phone, wit my eyes, my brain on the lappy itself. it went like dis..


aku, 'helooo..'. mr. a, 'bley ckp dgn inche shah?', 'ye larr.. shah sini'.. mr. a 'owh, inche shah eh.. ni a*** neh, dr gym!'. aku was like, 'owh, hi cik a***, pe khbr? pe citer?'. 'tak der pee.. sajer je call. lama tak nampak dtg gym eh?'. aku, 'erk - bz la.. byk keje neh. outstation la, pe la.. nak jugak pi, tak sempat2..'. mr. a, 'ye la kan.. dah keje. bukan pe, last month inche shah byr, tp dtg dua tiga kali je.. so, inche shah next month dtg je la, tak yah byr fee - sy forward-kan dis month nyer payment to next month je la.. special for inche shah..'. aku, 'heh, bley mcm tu eh? terima kasih la..'. *pause jap*. mr. a, 'erk - inche shah.. bley tny sket?,. aku - mata dok tgk lappy, tgn on keyboard.. 'huh, awat?'. 'inche shah dah enrole mana2 gym lain ke?'. aku tersandar jap - heh, keji sgt.. buat energy aku je jenuh2 suspen.. 'hahaha.. mana ader! tak sempat nak usha gym lain pun!!'. mr. a., *tarik nafas sket* pun 'hahaha.. sajer je tnya. bukan apa, risau jugak.. bla bla bla bla (time ni aku tak brp pay attention) and bla bla bla Jamal Abdillah bla bla bla..'. aku, 'erk, jap. Jamal Abdillah pe tadik?'..



at end of the conversation yg dlm 15minits tu - owner gym tu bgtau dia byk collection lagu baru and all dat, and 'no more Jamal Abdillah'. kelakar, it is. aku tak pernah plak complain kat girl kaunter dpn tu regarding dat.. tarik2 muka sket je, and hempas2 dump-bell. tu je.. haha.. pe tah lagik dgn owner neh yg jarang2 sgt aku jumpak. but somehow - HE KNOWS!! heh. malas aku nak fikir how he knew. but the thg is - selesai masalah aku. no more Jamal Abdillah after dis during the gym thang. yeah - during the gym. God sake.


---


kelas 'Consciousness and Memory' dgn budak2 Sem 1 tadik. aku shoooo 3 org since a) tak bwk nota, b) bley tdo!! (walhal awal lagik). aku suruh dorg pi duduk dpn bilik Pengarah. and do nothg. jst duduk there je. smpai abes kelas aku.. it is 2 jam dpn bilik Pengarah - do nothg.

tadik aku pi office, aku tnya receptionist apa budak2 tu buat sambel duduk dpn bilik Pengarah since aku ordered so.. she said, 'inche shah - sorg tu siap bley tido!! tadik 10am baru sedar..'. huwaaaa.. geram aku! dlm kelas tido. dpn bilik Pengarah pun tido. sah2 la lain ari, tido lagik - aku suruh berdiri tgh panas sajork.

kalo tido jgk tgh panas.. aku bunuh diri je. senang.


---


Isma, Rodziah, Izzah. lecturer2 pempuan sama kepala dgn aku.

Isma - wah Shah, serba itam ko ari neh!

Izzah - ha'ah.. ko tak yah la nak psiko2. ko nampak KURUS sgt dah.. original.

Isma, Izzah, Rodziah - *gelak beramai2.* (aku pun turut gelak)





!@#$%*&^ sgt. heh.






Wednesday, April 29, 2009

huwaa..




nak je aku bkr script2 neh.. dgn opis2 sekali..






marking paper at lunch hr
aku tau - it aint a good idea..
dammit; mengantok seyyy!! tgk budak2 nyer jwpan neh..
mcm;
  • gampang pun ada
  • taik kucin
  • skema jwpan pun ada!! cemaneh?
  • eh - mana jwpan budak neh.. (ni jenis tak jwb lansung la.. haaa.. mcm tu)
mata aku neh - dah makin kecik rasanya..
mp3 pun tak jalan
Nescafe dah 2 mug - pun cannot go
nyesal aku mkn nasik lemak pg tadi.
ko lar neh -Ajak!! argkhhh..

ni budak2 neh plak - dok kuar masuk bilik aku..
ni saie ke aper? pi balik.. pi balik..
ada je hal -
  • sir, tolong print bley?
  • sir - nak mtk tlg check asgment ni bley?
  • sir - nak tutup buku log!!
  • bila bley check case clerking ni sir..
  • sir nak tgk mark MAPE?
  • heh, lagu pe la sir dgr neh.. meh sy tukar lagu eh..

bila la pulak aku nak siapkan marking paper2 neh?








erk - kindir.. hehe






called my sister house last nite - aku cld hear chaos at the background.. as usual, kalo pak long dorang called; they'd definitely threw series of fits on the floor (katernyer). i overheard dis -



acik (Hazwan) - bgtau paklong.. ummi, tgk angah neh, dia ckp acik babi.. (smbel jerit2)


kak ngah - hey! aper neh, hah?


angah (Kimie) - heh, mana ada ummi. angah ckp selsema babi!!




*bley?*




---



teringat aku entry Art in his sentuhanseni.blogspot.com.. dulu2 kalo kita sebut babi, mmg sah2 la kena cili mulut, or kena sagat mulut ke lantai. tp skang - newscasters pun dok sebut babi.. babi.. babi.. tiap mlm. saper nak jwb? ni salah saper sumer neh?


hahaha..


babi lar! oppss..






Tuesday, April 28, 2009

tag heuer.









Grand CARRERA Calibre 36 RS2 Caliper Chronograph Ti2






p/s; watdya think? hehe







get a life.





over the tea-tarik dis morning. wit a close pal. not dat i am complaining. i am used to dis. i listened. i smiled. i nodded my head. giv a bit of reassurance. answered when needed. shup up most of the time. and listen.




venue -
  • Kedai Bawah Pokok
on the table -
  • tea tarik gelas besar dua, chapati 1+2
who -
  • me and a close pal
about wat -
  • work. family. kids at home. bosses. home. outstation. tension. time management. tiring. fed-up. back-stab. dis-dont-do-work-only-dis-do-work. bosses. lick-asses. shut-up-do-ur-work. work. work. study. sleep. eat chapati. work. bla bla bla. tea tarik. bosy bosses. akak-nape-tea-saya-manis-giler. tension. marking mcm nak mampus. kelas. displin. outstation. AEMTAC. postbasic. eh-ko-rasa-lain-tak-kuah-sardin-neh. work. bosses. transfer. work on weekends. suicidal tots. heh-kenyang-giler. exam. ko-giler-aku-kena-pi-Sarawak? ko selected, tak pe. aku ni ampeh. aku bunuh ko kang!. erk-aku-ada kelas-lah.
time -
  • 8.50 am - 9.30am.
aku -
  • same old me. tired. old stories. tired. thank God byk taik telinga.





owh, gross. dis is life. work = problems. but no work = u die starving = problems. so, watdya expect? get a life.







Aizat, late dinner etc.





reached the office pretty early, as usual. so far - thgs r fine wit me. tho aku tido lambat semlm - around 1.30am (heh, the late supper, the preps for the classes) and a bit liat Tuhan je tau nak bgun pagi tadik - aku managed to go thru em all well. cuma yg aku geram - otw masuk keje tadik.. all dis Myanmar/Nepal/Bangla yg masuk keje at 7am tu - berjalan beramai-ramai (as usual) sambil berpegang-pegang tangan, beremba-remba sambil menghayun tgn mereka tinggi-tinggi.. di atas jln raya yg tersedia sesak dan sibuk.. like nbdy biz. dorg jugak love to naik basikal berlumba-lumba ala mak ayah dorg nyer jalan raya - eh, pls la.. jalan masuk hospital/kolej tu dah la sesak yg amat.. and dorg neh berfoya-foya, showing some love and affection plak. aku mmg dah lama geram. geram yg amat. sebab dorg neh - back-log mcm gampang jadik enterance tu. argkhh..




erk - enuff of the negative energy. semlm, aku had a great time-out; late dinner dgn Aizat and Rosham - the two guys (KLites, of course) yg dpt bercuti ke Ipoh ni and stay kat hotel SunInn yang meriah kat Tambun neh.. wit the courtesy of.. heh - aku lupa.. merbok.com? murai.com? eh, tak tau lah. dah la tak drive, nak ala2 Amazing Race, hotel ujung dunia di Tambun yg sesat neh (Sunway Tambun the Lost World). sian aku budak dua ekor neh.. so mlm tadik - since aku free (sket) aku bwk la dorg tawaf bndr Ipoh and out for late dinner. the food sucks (sorry Aizat - when it comes to tempat2 mkn kat Ipoh neh, aku totally out! jrg mkn luar - bley alasan mcm tu?).. but we had fun, talking, making jokes on each other and such.. lama sgt dah aku tak jumpak si Aizat neh - nearly 2yrs plus, tak silap aku. w'pun mulut mcm gampang - aku did enjoy the whole thang. done wit all dat - aku terus balik, ngadap lappy, notes and books until aku dah tertdo atas meja study - then only aku masuk tdo. and ari neh - heh, 4hrs of lect.


kalo aku blank nanti - aku rasa aku mght ended berbalas pantun je la.. bley? heh.











Aizat (on the left) wit Rosham.. tak sedap pun..
licin meja bagai! heh.





Monday, April 27, 2009

Monday..




i am not sure wat to write today. Monday today quite good for me so far. i am done wit coupla thgs yg tertangguh since last week before my exam and i managed to go thru some preps for my trow class - wit Public Health Care Postbasic. erm - trow pretty tough, i think. teaching some adults wldnt be as easy when u teach some hundreds of young chaps. u gotta be smart enuff - real smart - so whenever they feel like to 'twist' u around, u'd be able to 'twist' em dead earlier, and go gag their mouth at the first place. heh.


few thgs running around inside my head - but, i dun giv it a shait. it is not somethg yg i need to really sit and settle em stat. it is jst coupla shaits yg - heh, tak kudis pun. i think.


been listening to U2 dr pagi tadik. been a while since i last listen to em. kinda nice. the songs brought me elsewhere, i gez.


a fren in town, i gotta be back early. kinda weird for a so-called KLite to come down in ere, and hav a break. Aizat - no offense eh! huhu






Sunday, April 26, 2009

..






i had enuf. i hav no regret. and i am sorry.





let go.




..as u wish.





i am letting go, for real. i never think of it, really - but dats wat u want. u think dat by havin me around suffocated u much. distracted u badly. u hardly breath and such. i am tryin to stand in yr shoes - but u never try to do so for me. i am tryin to be so damn nice to u - tho i wasnt be able to be there for u all the time, 24/7 - but at least, i did try my best; but dat wasnt enuff for u. u want me more than dat - and u know i am not capable of doin dat, God sake. i told u the truth, u said its ok. i told u not to take the risk, u still say ur ok. but now - ur letting me go, jst like dat. and the truth is - y i didnt feel a thang about it? and tell me - wats dat sign anyway?


i wish u cld be seein thgs thru more perspectives in life. life is not jst about wat we want, it is much more than dat. life is not about 'i hav to hav wat i want', and if u dun - u'll walk away. i am not tryin to tell u wat life is, how to live life and such - jst dat i believe ur a grown up person, u shldve known better.


ur letting me go - jst like dat. wit no explaination. its ok - i dun think i need one tho. and for the first time - i think i am ok wit it. and suprisingly enuff - i feel kinda 'free' God sake. it doesnt mean dat i am putting up my two-faces for u all dis while; but to tolarate thgs jst the way u want to; w/o taking a consideration of wat i want, too - i dun think i am good at handing it.


all the very best in life for u. ur young. u got miles to go - before u sleep. life's jst beginning for u. u'll be meeting up lots of nice faces, lovely ones indeed.. be nice. and think wiser, too. life is about giv and take. and we shld learn how to understand others, in a way u want ppl to understnd urslf. i never, ever hate u God sake. i will never. its kinda hurt to jst chunk me - ur fren, u so-called big bro - jst like dat. but may be - i deserve dis, coz i aint up to ur par of expectation, aye?


be good. jst be good - to urself. and others, too.











Saturday, April 25, 2009

how it works..







i wanna share wit u ppl wat i've read for trow paper. dis is pretty interesting. we've thru it all again and again - yet we never know a thang about a thang.





...





What Makes A Relationship Works?



John Gottman highlighted aspects dat make relationship works as the following;

  1. affection displayed towards spouse/partner
  2. amount of negativity communicated to the spouse/partner
  3. expansiveness or expressiveness in communicating infomation about the relationship
  4. a sense of "we-ness" - perceiving oneself as an interdependent couple
  5. social homogamy (similiarity in leisure activity and role preference)

John Gottamn also noted that half of the relationship end wit separation. can separation be predicted? certain factors very accurately perdict a later separation;

  1. partner is low in affection, the "we-ness"
  2. partner is high in negativity adn disappointment
  3. the other half - low in "we-ness" and high disappointment
  4. spouse habitually attributes negative events to their partner
  5. no more social homogamy - no more sharing things etc.



...




and think. jst think. where we r at?





the whole thg - today..



lemme tell u wat i've been doin today - startin rite from 3am in the morn., till coupla minutes back. it was kinda routine dat u'd say 'do u hav to tell us all dis - nobdy wants to know' oh shait - if u dun, go somewhere else. dis is my place, i am doin it the way i want it to.



  1. alarm screamed sharp at 3am, i hit the snooze. it kept on screamin until it din anymore - i ended up letting go my MuMuLand at 4am. and i keep on cursing myself for dat.
  2. 4.30am - started readin some notes and such - i was so damn bloody sleepy i ended up sleepin wit my head on the meja study and my hand pegang my big mug of Nescafe. keji sgt.
  3. 7am - aku found myself in bed - again. no notes around. i was furious. kelam kabut Subuh. bila plak aku terjun in dis bed eh? huargkhh..
  4. 8am - aku realized theres so many bloody thgs aku yet to touch. and started to hav dis cold sweat for the first time. 2 papers - damn bloody tough. think i mght ended up writing a 'surat chenta' to the prof on the answering sheets.
  5. 10am - aku dah fed-up. aku start packing up, iron2 baju suar sumer - walhal aku still having like 2hrs to go before the papers. and gez wat i did? idiotbox. seronok plak tgk Channel [V] until baru aku sedar dah 11am.. time to move!
  6. 11.30am - smpai centre. aku tgk budak2 lain sumer mcm zombie, stressed up. muka masing2 dah tak mcm org - full of eye-bags. aku je yg sengih2 sengal.. buat2 kepala berat as if full of facts - where as the fact is - it was full of.. erk - shait, perhaps. few idiots seen konon2 'berbincang sesama sendiri' - u gez wat i did - i had my cigar break for the first time after like years kat tangga, alone!! thinkin about it - it freaks me alrite. erk - no. the second time after the Cameron thang coupla weeks back, heh.
  7. 12pm - aku lead the others masuk hall, get my position alrite, fill up pe patot, wishing for some miracle. and u know wat? no such miracle alrite. soalan like shait. cold shait, indeed.. but i am glad. u know why? i never fail to answer not even one of em all - aku jawab sumer bai!! sumer, i told u. jst dat - thinking back - i aint sure of wat i wrote. God bless me.
  8. 1.30pm - aku dah ketwok outta hall. the first indeed. pengawas tgk muka aku as if aku baru je lps berak sembelit. heh! pls la.
  9. 2pm - aku dah kat kedai mamak nearby - usual stuff - tosai 2 keping garing2, tea tarik gelas besar kurang manis suam2 kuku. theres a few boi and gals r doin their readin - but yet aku - heh, wheres my bag? fcuk! aku tertinggal kat dlm kereta. nak amek? mmg tak arrrr.. mkn dulu.
  10. 3pm - again, aku was the first catwalking down the hall for my fav position. to tell u the truth - i hate dis paper. nota mcm siot, module mcm ampeh. aku byk study nota senirik je. and thank God - aku bley jawab. for THE FIRST TIME, evah!! and aku cabut kuar awal too.
  11. 4.30pm - the same kedai mamak, waiting for Hafiz. he sibuk2 nak bincang pasal soalan yg dah jwb - i told him off - FO! wat is done, is done. he was like terkejut sekejap. aku pun terkejut jugak. but i was glad i'd be able to be damn bold wit him, dis time.
  12. Hafiz kept on telling me dia tak bley jwb, tak bley buat, blur, forgetful and such - aku ckp 'aku pun sama.. baca lain, kuar lain' kinda thang when suddenly he said dis - 'ko penipu la Shah, everytime u said so. tp bila kuar result, ko score!'. aku menyirap dgr. sebab ada word 'penipu' tu je.. aku ckp dgn muka coy sajork, 'may be our standard is different. bila aku ckp aku tak bley jwb - actually aku mght jwb lagik bagus dr ko, and dats y aku score.. tp bila ko ckp ko tak bley jwb - and ur correct - ko mmg tak bley jwb and dats y ko nyer marks tak pernah elok..'
  13. aku 'tersentapkan' si Hafiz by saying dat. but i told him 'i mean wat i said - for ur the one yg nak aku ckp mcm tu, kan..'. he keep quite. heh. pedulik apa aku. enuff for the day. seen too much for the day. and stop messing wit my arse then.
  14. sambel sentapkan Hafiz - aku sempat mkn lagik. Maggi goreng mamak yg rasa a bit 'funny'. tp since bersemangat sgt menyagat si Hafiz - aku tak sedar satu pinggan licin.
  15. and u gez wat - aku sakit perot skang. dah 3 kali diarrhoea. real watery stools. geram sgt.
  16. and again - u gez wat i wanna do trow, selain dr duduk for my last paper? aku nak pi kedai mamak tadik, see his stupid Manager and tell him off aku nak repot kat Pej Kesihatan yg Maggi dia mcm gampang - and making me 'tawaf' pi balik ke tandas - despite of sitting down and read! mess wit me and i'll mess u twice harder!
  17. arrgkhhhh..




God bless me.





Friday, April 24, 2009

nite.




cant read much. the headache is killing me. the worst thg is - it din go away wit any painkiller, any longer. i gez all i need is to hit the crib. will try my best to do the readin, early trow morn.



Ya Allah - get me thru dis. let me deal wit all other thgs, after dis. pls.






me, myself and i




me and Princess Fiona - Aleeya of kak yang's.
Fiona of Shrek. suits her well. hiks.







mak to Princess Fiona. i bet she looks more like Shrek herself. hiks hiks..





me and head of the minimonsters - Kimie aka Angah of kak ngah's.






dia lagik.. heh.







me and mak - KLIA. love u mak!!







in bilik study yg bersepah - early in the morn., for work.







pic pg tadik, before the papers..






few faces of me. wit my love ones. and me alone. see it if u like it. coz i do think i am ok wit all the above pics. i love the one wit kak yang rite above. very nice. me and mak kat KLIA rite before she went off for umrah last few wks back.



i am not sure wat to write. the papers dis morn., think i did OK. abes awal lagik. trow - disastrous. tough ones. heh.




..





wat is it in me - dat refuses to believe
dis isnt easier than the real thg
my love - u knw dat ur my best fren
u know i'd do anythg for u
my love - let nthg come between us
my love for u is strong and true..


God - if ur out there, wont u hear me
i knw dat we've nvr talked before
God - the one dat i love is leaving
wont u take her when she comes to ur door?
am i in heaven ere or am i..
at the crossroads i am standing?


so now ur sleeping peaceful
i lie awake and pray
dat u'll be strong trow - and we will
see another day and we will praise it
and love the light dat brings a smile
- across ur face.


hold on
-hold on to urself
for dis is gonna hurt
- like hell.






dream?






i aint a guy who go for a trip to the MuMuLand wit dreams everytime i reached there - the 'land' there, i mean. but tonite - i did. it was kinda weird - i never had dreams before, hardly tho - but i did tnite. i am not sure of why.. and it hits me rite thru. i hardly remember every details of the dream - yet it makes me wonder. i remember a bit dat i was on the plane (i think - we r travelling somewhere) wit someone dat i am so closed wit, someone dat i really know, someone dat i like so damn very much - but unfortunately dat person is wit someone else - a group of it; and dat person hardly even say 'hi' to me, pretend not knowin me at all. i was havin a tough time goin thru it, and i do too remember somehow - i was like standing infront of the my bedroom window, lookin away - aimlessly into an empty horizon. God - dun ask me wat is dat mean, coz i aint good into interpreting all dat. i was sad, and it really does - makes me wonder. and i was numb too. i woke up at 3am - sittin in my bed, thinkin about it.




i am tryin not to think about it - anymore. jst dat i hardly sleep wit havin a dream, but tonite - i did. tu je.




fella - wish me luck. wish me the whole wide world of lucks, pls. coz dats wat i need, now.




*sigh* jst lets the 'war' begins. i think.





Thursday, April 23, 2009

as if i had a choice..


reached home around 7pm. the prog went well, i had a great audience, cooperative, responding well enuff. they got no background of medical or wat-so-ever, but they eager to learn more - and dat makes me feel, kind of.. i dunno. i respect for dis ppl, really.



all along the way while doin the driving - i had so many thgs runnin about my head, really. future. life. and many more. how good life is for me up till now - been thru shaits, of coz - and i gez everybdy does, too. i am glad stumbled into a lot of nice ppl all along the way - i wish i cld name em all, but i dun think i wld. and how i screwed up every now and then, too. how sometimes i wish i cld turn and reverse the whole shait, so it wldnt bug me like freakin shait no more - wit regrets and such. and how i wish i cld stand up, and leave all the shait hang on me - jst like dat. so i cld live life and carry on.



i am not sure y i've been a bit of melancholic coupla days, lately. may be due to the songs i listen to. may be due to stress dat i am goin thru. may be due to few thgs yg i hate thinkin, but i jst cant help to think over it, God sake.



i dunno. i hate the idea or facts knowing dat i screwed up. heh.




Taiping, again.



So ere i am, in Taiping bck again. And gez wat, i shldve be at home, reading tday - since I AM supposed to be on leave - but no more! Shait. Mr Bong called me up and said dat i hav to be there in Pusat Lthan Penjara Taiping, handling a training there; for 'we r so acutely short of lecturer'. Bley? Kerjeh.




And ere i am lah, kat KTM Taiping, tmpt aku used to lepak2 wit frens mlm2, havin my breakfast. My slot at 10am and 2 to 5, so i dun bother to be there damn bldy early, acting like i am a good boi. Heh.




And gez wat i am goin to talk on? CPR. The audience? Abg2 warder penjara. I was like, 'euww!'. Haha.. Dammit, i will make sure there'll be a mouth-to-mouth, during the practical session ptg neh. Hahaha.. But b4 dat, mkn meh!



Wednesday, April 22, 2009

run - leona lewis




Run
(by Leona Lewis)




I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say





**to whom dis may concern.. dis is 4u.

thgs dat i read - today!







i am goin to share wit u ppl about wat i've been reading for the whole day today - today is about theories. i am sick of it, but somehow - it really shows me so many ways of hows thgs goes around us. i am reading about dis Psychology of Social and Interpersonal Behavior, anyway. here is some of it - kind of summary, i supposed. Art - pay attention. aku stadi, ok!! heh.


..



Loneliness: Alone in a Social World.


wat is loneliness? it is the inability to maintain the level of affiliation one desires. it is a subjective state. ppl can be alone and does not feel lonely; ppl r in a crowd and feel lonely. loneliness occurs only when the actual level of affiliation does not correspond to the desired level. there r two form of loneliness; a) emotional isolation and, b) social isolation.

Emotional isolation is when a person feels a lack of deep emotional attachment to one specific person. Social isolation is when a person who suffers from a lack of frens, associates or relatives.



..



Social Influence; Bystander Intervention.


it is a psychological phenomenon where persons r less likely to intervene in an emergency situation when others r present than when they r alone. the greater the number of bystanders who witness an emergency, the less likely any one of them is to help.

help is less likely to be given if more ppl r present. how ppl decide whether to intervene or not - in an emergency? why ppl r less likelihood to help or intervene? the reasons r;

  • distract, in hurry
  • pluralistic ignorance
  • diffusion of responsibility
  • lack of knowledge/lack of competence
  • danger to self/legal concerns/embarassment.


..



Close Relationships and Attachment.


Attachment is the strong emotional bond dat develops between infant and the caregiver. attachment is considered as the basis for all other relationships in one's life. believe it or not - childhood attachment style will influence close or intimate relationship in adults. there r 4 adult attachment styles;

  1. secure attachment - hav high self-esteem and belief in trustwothiness. he/she will experience lower anxiety and lower tendency to avoid social relationship.
  2. preoccupied attachment - low on avoidance and high on anxiety. she/he has positive expectations of others but negative view of her/himself. he/she will seeks r/ships but fear dat her/his motivations will not be reciprocated.
  3. dismissing-avoidant attachment - avoid other ppl b'coz they hav lil trust in em. they hav positive self-esteem and therefore experienced much less interpersonal anxiety - but, they lack of self-insight and thus find it is difficult ot trust others, feel uncomfortable becoming close to others and tend to withdraw from r/ship when there r conflicts.
  4. fearful avoidant attachment - do not trust others, hav very negative perception on self.


..



Social Influence; Intimate Relationship.


intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship wit a great deal of physical or emotional intimacy. it is usually characterized by a romantic or passionate love and attachment. sexuality may or may not be involved. love is ain important factor in intimate relationship. it is proven dat love is more than jst 'liking a lot' and is distinct from sexual attraction. love in relationship is divided into two types; a) passionate, and b) companionate.

  • passionate - love is intense and is often accompanied by physiological arousal - such as for example shortness of breath, rapid heart beat etc etc.
  • companionate - love is affection and a feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal.


..



heh, too much for a day. but i kinda like em all. sometimes it hits rite thru. haha.. sometimes it makes me stop and think.. 'heh, i've seen dis before..' kinda thang like dat. but the bad thg is - i am not sure if i remember all dis bulshait.



God - help me.



*sigh*



KLCC. the moon. the stars.








these r both of the pic or u-know-wat-it-is, taken coupla weeks back while i was in KL for some work reason. shot em wit my hp camera sajork.. so the gambar was not dat chantek la, pun. but i always wanted to upload it in ere, tho i know it wasnt as good as others - but, heh - like i care. i jst love seeing dis monsters at nite. one word for it - superb.











and dis pic taken dis early morn., around 6.45am waktu aku sidai kain baju kat ampai.. the moon and the star. i was so damn bloody bright, makin me nak je amek pic.. tp again, camera hp sajork.. standard lah!! and theres many more stars too. and suddenly aku baru sedar - its been a while since aku last stand under the dark sky, beneath the stars n look up to em all.. ppl said dat kalo langit mlm full of stars - its gonna be a bright day, trow then. heh - i hope today wld be ok la. tak panas sgt, tak ujan2.. so i can go running yeah.


till then - heh, back to the books.. *malas nyer..*





kak yang..





i keep on reading kak yang's blog again and again.. . i know its tuff for her. and i know it is hard for her struggling down there in UK wit all dat family, study and such. and i keep on reading the last entry - it really touched me deep down, i feel like cryin in silent indeed. we r damn close, all of us - 5 of us, the sibblings. but i know - beside me - kak yang too, kinda closer to abg cik since umur dorang selang sethn jer.. they used to fight a lot, but i know cik is so protective towards his lil sister.. and reading dat entry, somehow - i jst dunno dun wat to say.



gotta back to my meja study. tak bley lama2 ngadap lappy mcm neh. tak jadik keje.



Tuesday, April 21, 2009

..






damn! but i thought you was tough though

we carry choppers on our necks, call it cut throat
we bury powers on the set that they come from
we know magic turn weed smoke to gun smoke




we ball first when we ride
you in a Hearse when you ride
i put my shoe down baby
and i'm holdin' down Young Mula baby






*heh*






huarkghh..





study, meh! *yawnnn*







typical Tuesday..


nothg special today. i was done wit Hospital Ipoh thang around 10.30am - aku terus head home. Mr Hari said - its ok, take yr time. lagipun keje aku byk dah settle.. kelas 2 to 5 je, so dari aku melangut je kat ofis - better off aku stay back home, do some reading. and dats wat i did - aku managed to finish up 2 chapters on one of the module yg aku benci sgt nak baca. i am gonna do dat again tonite, and early trow morn.



Mr Nazri called me up - aku kena pi Grik/Pengkalan Hulu for clinical teaching/visits - which is a no-no for me. so dgn assertive-nye aku said 'no', since aku dah apply cuti pun. heh. pls la.. sumer last2 minit. kejs skals.


and done wit the 3hrs non-stop classes. on Abnormal Psychology and a bit of Psy. Nursing. heh, ilang sore aku.. perit tekak. tp aku puas ati. theres nothg to compare wit when u walked out of the class - leaving the stndts yg faham wat u teach em alrite. erm, aku harap dorang2 btol2 faham la.. bukan bertingkahlaku keji - buat2 faham dpn aku, walhal.. ampeh.


i am missing someone - very badly. things a bit different w/o the phone screaming every now and then - for msges, calls and such. but its ok lah.. theres priorities in life. and everybdy shld go along wit the priorities, well. and for dat - aku trully understand.


no gym. no jog today. i jst wanna head home now. mandi2, solat n ngadap buku. again..



kerjeh.



mkn dulu..





Bekpes for tday, jst like always - chapati 2kpg, tea trk gelas bsr suam krg manis.. Jemput mkn. Meh!



morning!




arrived early to the office. i hav to settle coupla thgs - was thinking to take off-days trow and a day after; so day i'd be able to stay back at home.. and read! exam dah btol2 around the corner.. 5 papers to cover, yet pejadah pun tak baca lagik. bley? so pg neh - aku re-arrange all my classes, tunda minggu dpn sajork and ke ptg neh. all my appointments wit the stdnts too. no such 'sir-can-i-see-u-ari neh-esok-lusa' or such. so - ptg ni.. i'll be havin a hatric hrs of teaching.. i.e from 2pm up to 5pm. heh. berpeloh le celah bedah.. bley (again)?




gtg. nak ke Hosp Ipoh jap.. nak pi makmal for blood check up, aku ada appointment dgn pakar MOPD w/in coupla weeks to come. malas la.. and aku lapar too! need a breakfast, yeah.

Monday, April 20, 2009

A Message - Coldplay.







video






A Message
(Coldplay - XY Album)




My song is love
Love to the loveless shown
And it goes up
You don't have to be alone
Your heavy heart
Is made of stone
And it's so hard to see you clearly
You don't have to be on your own
You don't have to be on your own

And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're the target that I'm aiming at
Got to get that message home

My song is love
My song is love, unknown
But I'm on fire for you, clearly
You don't have to be alone
You don't have to be on your own

And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're the target that I'm aiming at
And I'm nothing on my own
Got to get that message home

And I'm not gonna stand and wait
Not gonna leave it until it's much too late
On a platform I'm gonna stand and say
That I'm nothing on my own
And I love you, please come home

My song is love, is love unknown
And I've got to get that message home





** i'd like to dedicate the above song to those dat i love; BM and Shaz - i am glad getting the chance of knowing u both.. tho it didnt turn out to be like we want it to be.. i am sorry. i was a mess. and i know dat well. how i wish i cld turn back the time. Nazmir - miss u. Pinkie, too. all those dat i know, all those dat r still around, and all those who alrdy out there on own's path.. and all those who came in and left some happiness in me. i dunno. i jst feel like sharing dis beautiful song wit all u ppl out there. forget aout the cliche clip - the lyric dat matters.


gnite.



..and i am back!.

















































these r all the pics - regarding all the thgs dat i've done wit the minimonsters - since the morn., up to the end of it; travelling back to Ipoh. and yeah - leave em behind.. i had a great short trip back to kg, hell yeah. the crowd, the food, the love, the chaos and such.. i wish i cld stay a bit longer of course. but i gotta work trow. i mght be taking leaves (again) - for the exam will be at the end of dis week.. and yeah, heh - aku hapah pun tak baca lagik. baru gather2 all the modules, notes and such. last minutes sgt.



reached home, i felt so strange deep inside. its the feeling like i aint belong in ere. the feeling dat - u know rite - yr soul is there while yr head n yr body r ere. theres so many thgs in life yg aku rindu sesgt. i wanna talk it out, yet theres so many restriction.. and further more, i jst dunno whom shall i talk to..



damn. wats life is.







yipppieee!!



Layan Wonderpets dgn minimonsters - selamatkan unicorn la, penguin la.. Dorg neh siap nyanyi ramai2 mcm koir la plak, kan. Over. Best.


Haha.. Apa pun - Wonderpets rules!! Huhu



chaotic.



After than sapu daun2 kering arnd the house, aku mandi and cdg2 nak lpk2 je when all the minimosters kecoh2, buat bsg and such. Aku decided to bring em all for a ride, since aku pun ada hal di Selama. So bdk2 neh trus jump into the car, expecting smthg better. We ended up kat Sg Siputeh, around 5km dr Klinik Kesihatan Sg Bayor tmpt aku mula2 posting dulu. Amazingly enuf, ada lagi org2 kg yg kenal aku, ajak pi rumah segaa bagai..


Pyh sgt nak handle bdk2 neh. Sggah mkn ais kcg and rojak pun - the whole kedai chaos mcm nak kiamat. Tu blum plus suara pak long dorang.. Heh.


heh..



Its Monday. And it a public off day ere in Perak. Wldnt dat makes u happy? Ask me and i'll.. O yeah, honey. I AM freaking thrill alrite. Its early in the morn. And its rainin. Plus ur own old coach - where u've grown up, sleeping in it - wat else wld u ask for? Heh. As for me.. nothg! Hehe.. Pinkie - pls do activate ur jeles mode.. like, now?

Haha.. 
Awal2 lagi si Kimie dah came in looked out for me. 'nak tdo dgn pak long', as he said.. Heh. Tdo meh! Lalalalalala..


Sunday, April 19, 2009

finally..




Finally, ere i am. Back to where i belong. Back to those who i love the most. Where ppl r a real ppl. Where ppl loves me for wat i am, and not for who i am. Accept me as i am. Wit no condition, at all. I am glad to be back in ere. Mak and abah r doing well. They still having fever now and then - i gez its 'berubah cuaca', i thnk. But they r doing well in the sense of -they r happy seeing us back. I cld see dat, really. Mak tho shes not doing dat well, she still up doing the cooking thang.. jst to make sure 'anak2 dpt mkn' wat they want to. And i knw they r darn happy seeing cucu2 dorng tunggang langgang, up side down buat kecoh around.


To tell the truth, aku pun tak tahan kdg2 all dis minimonsters doing the kecoh thang..

Had a great dinner tonite. Forget about protein shake. I am having a real dinner, God sake. The meal was simple.. Tp best sgt. 




And gez who was in the pic, above? Hehe


sexy-mama. erk - grandma? heh.











came across dis pics while i was doin my internet-surfing early dis mornin. watdya think? i am tellin u - wat i am havin in mind. heh.



  1. the breasts do appear very unnatural for her body. not sure what to make of the skin, tho.
  2. i wonder how old those implants r. dis is kind of inevitable, isnt it, weird aging? ouch.
  3. the thg dat i think the need to be sexual at such an advanced age is sad, but if shes happy, i wldnt be offended.
  4. her breasts are wit out a shadow of a doubt - a real implants. in case anyone was unsure.. (again? wat am i thinkin?)
  5. shes quite tall and has good posture for a "grandma, eh? sexy thang.
  6. pictures serve as reminder to always protect our skin when going out in the sun. or we too could end up looking leathery. euw.
  7. i think obviously dis is wat we called as 'sun-abuse'. heh.
  8. and erk - ouch!! my eyes.. dammit.



gtg. catch u later. i hav a monkey to spank. haha












nitey nite,

matey!









Saturday, April 18, 2009

kiddo-time!




'ko hengat ko je chanteQ?..'






'mummy, cld u jst stop telling me wat to do? i am a grown-up gal, ok!'






'u ***hole, get outta my way!..'






'OMG, OMFG.. dis is sooo.. slurppplicious!'






'mak ai, dahaga nyer..'






'daddy daddy.. ada baby boi tu tadik kan, nak ngorat baby, daddy!!
kerjeh sgt..'







'aku tampar je kang budak neh.. bising lah!'






posing cute.. ala2 bear. erk..






'so, so wat? i'm still a rock star.. i got my rock moves..'







'w/pun aku chubby, tp aku ttp jelits'






'heh, lapaQ neh! mkn dulu meh..'






'aper nak jadik budak2 skang neh.. dunia belaka'






'mummy, wig ni dah ketat ke? kang tertanggal kang atas pentas..
tak dpt kontrak plak kang..'







muka rapper cuak..






'ouch! mummy, stop it. i cant breath, occay!'






'mummy, kena pakai spender kat luar kan? spender mana..'






'MasyaAllah.. MasyaAllah..'






CatGirl






'naper la dorang sebok2 nak amek pic aku neh, aku sedar aku chanteQ..'






Muslimah swimming suit. nice! heh. wheres the pool eh?







Keliwon face.






'bro, lu pi start keter dulu bro.. kalo gua tak dtg 15min.
bro - lu chow dulu..'







'heh, Tyra Bank sekejap.. lihatlah dunia!'






'its ok ummi, yg penting i confident!'





'aku makcik kayo.. hahaha.. aku makcik kayooo!'







its a nice, great Saturday yeah. tho aku was initially a bit dizzy wit the lack of sleep before, i managed to thru it well then. i was there in Hospital Pakar Ar Ridzuan (dekat dgn Casaurina Hotel) as a juri for dis Pertandingan Bayi Comel/Pakaian Beragam/Mewarna to celebrate ulangtahun hospital ni yang ke-7 tahun. the hospital was old enuff, suprisingly - bangunan zaman British dulu, and Jepun pernah jadikan base for the mission somethg like dat. btw - they r moving out soon to a new modern-kinda building kat area Greentown. dats wat i heard.



back to the 'party'. shld be starting at 10am.. tp ntah naper ntah - it dragged and started pretty late.. around 11am lbey baru start. budak2 chomel yg dah dressed vogue2 neh mula la buat perangai.. aku terdgr one mummy merungut, 'ni haper neh? dr pakaian beragam jdi pakaian meragam dah..'. true enuff, anak dia dah mula menangis segala bagai.. lama sgt menunggu, i think. and it was bloody hot too. i mean - the sun lah.



seronok tgk budak2 neh - mcm2 gelagat. ada yg naik pentas catwalk nicely, sekerat jln meraung.. ada yg belum lagik jln dah keriaw, ada yg catwalk together-gether dgn mak, ada yg bapak pun join jgk! heh. nasib la ni pertandingan pakaian beragam bayi2.. kalo tak sure ramai para bapak jugak yg menang. erk.. *bley?*



over-all, pyh jugak nak buat keptsan. so - aku main cat-cilot sajork.. mana yg rasa berkenan di hati (tak termasuk di pimpin mak ayah dorang, ok), aku taruk je markah tinggi. hahaha.. kerjeh, kan?



around 3pm, everythgs done. panas giler cuaca ari neh.. sket lagik rasa mcm nak sawan. dok ulang minum air, jgn ckp la.. and ulang pi tandas jugak! heh. smpai je rumah.. mandi2, solat.. trus aku zzZZzz.. smpai 6pm. mls la pi gym/jog sumer2 itew.. ari ni cuti sajork.



and esok - yeah.. balik kg! yayyyy!!