Saturday, December 19, 2009
it is nice to catch up wit TC again. we talked a lot - about most of the thang. he kept on pullin my legs, each time see me lookin at the phone. heh. had dinner in Pizza Hut and aku then decided to teman him doin a lil bit of shopping around in Tesco - the so-called pushing the trolley wit boht of us havin a verbal diarrhea, non shop. it was fun.. and a bit of coffee after dat, i callled it off the day. gotta be home, hit Mumu early for trow - i gotta be in Taiping; i am havin a health talk to giv as a part of my community service. i mght as well hit mum/dad's place trus since Monday - i gotta be up there.
erm - i gez life passes by, so fast. its almost scary. i remember woking up today and so-called realized i hav no idea of 'who i am' and 'wat i do'. sort of. my aspirations seem to slowly die down as i enter a realm of 'existence'. jst plain, simple existence. heh. however - i do not want to merely 'exist', i simply want to 'live' (of course) wit some purpose and drive.
but then - where do i find the purpose? and drive? spirituality? or may be i've buried myself wit denial and misery (dammit). i've entered the pits of shait and cannot climb out. or perhaps - actually; i am choosing not to climb out? *sigh* will i ever be truly happy again? innocent. and pure happiness?
again - i'd throw dat question into the void. i prefer not to crack my head over it. and i choose to procrastinate.
gnite ppl. gnite, love. and gnite Mr Void. i am sorry - for i keep on throwin shait to u. but i bet u understand.
i tell myself dat i hav no limitations and dat my dreams r worth fighting for - yet there is s'thg within me dat continues to hold me back; making me feel like a failure. or - heh, am i a failure? i hav my own inspiration and i admire the courage she sought to continue on her journey without looking back. i remember i keep on telling others - to move on, to be strong, to walk on - head high and never look back.. but when it comes to ur own self, it is shait.
i can muster up some strength to walk forward. however - can i muster up courage not to look back?
It's been a long time coming,
Such a long, long time.
And I can't stop running,
Such a long, long time.
Can you hear my heart beating?
Can you hear that sound?
Cause I can't help thinking
And I won't stop now
And then I looked up at the sun and I could see
Oh, the way that gravity pulls on you and me,
And then I looked up at the sky and saw the sun,
And the way that gravity pushes on everyone,
When your wheels stop turning
And you feel let down
And it seems like troubles
have come all around
I can hear your heart beating,
I can hear that sound,
*but* I can't help thinking.
And I won't look now.
And then I looked up at the sun and I could see
Oh, the way that gravity pulls on you and me,
And then I looked up at the sky and saw the sun
And the way that gravity pushes on everyone
Friday, December 18, 2009
i remember, i used to talk a lot about life. about wat life is. about how life is. and such. i rambled a lot about it. i think a lot about it - how i treated life, and how life treated me in return. i gez i talk a lot about it dat i sometimes - i dun really understand wats life is all about, anyway. and u started to wonder y, y is dis guy has to crack his head thinkin about somethg dat dun really makes sense.
i never stop wonderin about my life. i lead a small life. a simple one. tho - yeah, sometimes it gets complicated hell fcuk. but other than dat - it is simple. small. well, valuable. but small. i hav most everythg i wanted in life. i hav all those the love ones around. but, is dat it? and sometimes i wonder - do i do it because i like it, or simply because i havent be brave enuff? brave enuff to take chances. taking some risks.
so much of wat i see reminds me of somethg i read in a book - ere and there - when shldnt it be the other way around?
i dun really want an answer. i jst want to send dis cosmic question out into the void.
gotta lay off now. so much of waiting, tonite. waiting for somethg, dat is full of uncertainty. and u know it aint good. gez i'd jst quit waiting. and hoping.
so, gnite, dear void!
after Jumaat - aku off for Mumu for a while. i din get much of sleeping last nite pun, so i am takin my sweet time payin it off at dat particular time. tido after Zohor - wow! its a great thang to do. who dun like of doin it, anyway? heh. around 4pm, aku tersedar. heard of some kinda weird thgs down in the kitchen. it was Soleh - tgh rebus Maggi. he complained it to me, sayin dat 'along masak Maggi sorang2' kinda thang. its a poor thang. i feel so damn fcukin responsible. bein an elder bro., i shldnt be doin dat to my smaller boi. i was like, 'nak mkn pe? along pi beli..'.
the fact is - aku malas sgt nak kuar rumah. nak tukar baju, seluar. cari cap, start moto aku off to kedai depan. wow! its been like 24hrs since aku last out from the house. dis is amazing! heh. and its about to rain. u know - windy day, gloomy sky, dark thick cloud up on ur head.
i decided to masak2 again. and the menu for today - for tea, to be precise; Cucur Udang wit Tea O bujang. wah! dgr pun aku dah excited. dis is even better than sex! erm, i am making dat thgs up. alrite. jst dun hate me, ya! heh.
and let it be there in the hot oil for a while. alih2kan sesuka ati. elok2 puan2, minyak panas - ok. as u see it in ere, saiz pelik2 sket. sorry la. aku dgn Soleh je. pe nak gado2?
our eyes on the screen. hands on cucur udang, cicah tomato sos.. selang seli wit tea 'o' panas.. tau2, 'eh Soleh, dah abes!'. heh.
shall i go to the gym? like.. now? gross.
planning to do a bit of movie-marathon, today. browsed on the net, wats in store - nthg much. heh. Avatar. erm - tempting. everybdy was like dah watched dis movie. aku dah tgk the trailer, mcm biasak je.. tp bila ppl started to giv a good comment - teringin la plak. so, Avatar, eh?
called TGV Kinta City - they r having like many shows of it. but - sumer tinggal seat dpn. every show of it. seat dpn? heh. my neck is aint made of steel! next.
GSC Ipoh Parade.. called few times, to no avail. nobody pick up the call. the 4th time aku called - engaged. and so it goes for the rest of it. line bz. all out of sudden, eh? bodo.
heh. KL? or Penang for movies?
think i'd better hit my crib.
woke up at 10.30am, jump into my towel - i was downstairs, wondering around wat to do, wat to eat and such. i tummy was growling like shait for i din hav anythg at all last nite - for my last meal was a lunch after the simulation session in the skill lab. i remember havin a mug of warm milk, for dats wat i've been havin; for at least wit the hope of it'd help me out for the journey to Mumu, soon after dat, well.
had my pills and some plain water (bgun tdo, get urself a drink of plain water dulu.. before anythg at all!) , i was supposed to be in the bathroom when i found myself started to work out on somethg - for the brunch, may be. and gez wat? i was doin a bit of cookin! heh. dun bother to think of all the grand ones - dis is jst a simple ones, alrite. for kinda lousy man like me. its raining, i am so freakin lazy to drive out, yet i am hungry. so?
right hand on the chopsticks, left hand on the remote. channel surfing. dis is interesting! heh. wat a life.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
its raining. and Soleh yet to be home. i've parked my car in. and i am hungry. feel lazy to go out, for again - its raining.
feels empty tonite. there's like a hole in me. FB is no more the same like before. the blog - i got a lot to write, but i think its no more down in ere.. the house is so damn fuckin empty. think i need to go out for some fresh air, no?
i feel numb.
Latihan Pengendalian SIM Man 3G and Simulasi kat Skill Lab for all the lecturers, today. second day, in fact. started yesterday - but aku will be in starting today morning. theres coupla thgs needed to be done today - but all of em r like kerja2 bukan hakiki. bley? 1) renew lesen (dah mati semlm!); 2) pi workshop - servis kete.. i feel like heading doing the balik kampung la ptg ni, rindu plak mak abah.. for far as i concern - abg cik and kak ngah shldve been there at kampung too, i gez. but i need to send the car to the workshop first lah.. kalo tak ptg ni balik kg, may be esok la.. its a long weekend after all. aku feel like ngeteh wit Nuat and Isyam as well - there in Parit Buntar. those 2 guys rmy old kampung frens - lama dah tak jumpak, lepak2, and hav so-called late tomyam wit em both. errmmm.. see how lah. after all, if i am at kg - Monday terus bley off to up north.. senang sket.
its a batik day today. and aku in one, yeah. awal2 lagik prepare so dat i wldnt get lost at work nanti while everybdy's in one, and i am not.
and if i aint goin back to kampung - i'll stay back at home je kot. doin my own thang - gym jog and such. and i am giving myself another 2 weeks - to chop or not to chop. see how. again.. *sigh*
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
goin thru my schedule, i noticed dat my trip to up north dah due - and it aint an option any longer. its a must, i gez. as much i hate dat fact, i hate too, finding myself on the road again for dis.
i wish i cld spell it out in ere, but ur aint gonna like it. i bet u love all the good, nice story. tale of wat i do, wat i eat, where i go and such. and tellin all shait in ere, will make u think as if i am kinda freak lookin out for some kinda attention. so for time bein - i am doin it anonymously, somewhere else. i gez i found it pretty much relief dat i can put thgs in my own words, there - w/o any restriction, w/o and thinkin of wat u ppl mght think. and nbdy knows it, jst like the early yrs when i was in ere, as well.
gnite. may u find peace, for dats wat everybdy's lookin out for.
being so malas today. in malas mode, alrite. supposed off to the gym, tak pun pergi. ujan some more.. aiyooo.. perut lapar. last meal was a brunch - roti canai 2kpg banjir kari ikan. erm.. now dat aku feel like starving, someone gav me an idea to jst pick the phone up and call up Pizza Hut. heh, ye la kan? jst call em up, prepare some money - u can eat all u want to eat.
so there it is - Super Supreme Personal pan satu, Deli Wing 4 pieces and soup of the day - mushroom my fav soup alrite. the boy on the phone said the menu will be rite infront of my door at 7pm, so aku rileks2 la upstairs until aku dgr someone terjerit2 dpn gate aku.. heh. loceng ada pasal tak picit?
tot aku'd hav em all for myself, baru je nak bukak mulut makan, Soleh sampai from his break kat Water Theme Park. argkhhh.. kena kongsi lah! so - finally aku had 2 slices of pizza, 3 pieces of Deli Wings (Soleh 1 cukup! heh) and soup all for myself.. hehe
and its done! *burp* gym tonite? as if. heh.
and gez wat? i found these too! the so-called 'report cards'. haha.. waktu sekolah rendah dulu - dari Darjah 1 till Darjah 5. kinda sad dat only now i realized report card aku waktu Darjah 6 went missing. erm - sumpah tak ingat letak mana.. cld be hilang waktu pindah rumah dulu kot. very time report card nak issued out, aku freaked out like shait. fail in only one paper mean - rotan. any 'red pen', means - rotan. ayoooo..
nothg to be much-ado off. i was a plain kid during sekolah rendah. a bit of geek. or nerdy, to make it simple. aku sat at the front row, most of the time dekat dgn meja cikgu - since my dad wanted me so. he told me dat - the further back aku duduk, the less i'd get. and so the story goes. and almost thru out the 6yrs - aku 'berjawatan'; tak Ketua Darjah, Penolong Ketua Darjah. paling grand - jadik Ketua Pengawas during my 6th yrs. and paling cikai - seingat aku, jadi Ketua AJK Kebersihan, waktu Darjah 3 - which means aku kena 'kerah' budak2 perempuan sapu sampah bagai.. and most of the time - it was me doin dat bulshait. heh.
i was an easy kiddo back then. time nak periksa - aku'd kept myself in the room, doin the 'baca buku'. aku jarang-jarang sgt2 ponteng kelas. dari Darjah 1 till Darjah 4; abah anta and amek aku bila abes skol. time Darjah 5, aku started to beg mak to pujuk abah to buy me a bicycle - so aku'd able to cycle wit others, to skol.. after like months of persuasion, finally aku cycling to skol! tu pun 2 kali accident - abah nyaris2 'tarik balik' his permission allowing me to cycle to skol. aku bawak bekal pi skol - since mak made me so. it aint cool back then, but aku came from a family yg tak berapa senang, adik2 ramai - so aku ikut je.. and most of the time - aku makan sikit je and the rest of it, aku bg kawan2 aku makan.. imagine young boys - running up and down; they get hungry damn easily. back home - mak grinned from eye to another, his boy never failed to finish up the bekal provided. heh.
aku remember buku latihan kerja rumah aku selalu bertukar tangan.. budak2 malas buat keje rumah, pinjam buku aku, tiru. aku remember one time - the exercise book went around until time nak passed up, aku cldnt find where it at. aku ended up kena rotan kat bontot wit the cikgu BI tot dat aku 'tak buat keje rumah, and made up story' kinda thang. sampai sudah aku tak jumpak dat exercise book! heh.
waktu darjah Satu - 1 Biru.
bley? i jst love biru anyway! haha
Biru at dat time was mcm second class la..
Merah was the good one. aku tak ingat nape aku
kena campak masuk Kelas Biru.. budak2 haru biru!
tapi aku managed to excel! hehe
masuk Darjah Dua - aku pun di tukarkan masuk
kelas Darjah 2 Merah. good class, budak cerdik2 giler..
and aku started to be a real freakin geek. heh.
they changed it into kelas A or B.
and aku in 3A. hehe
time ni a bit notti. kelakuan asek dpt B.
or may be cikgu kelas yg bias kot? heh.
kelakuan tak pernah A, kemajuan pun fluctuating..
abah rotan aku few times, wit dis report card.
i din see any 'red pen', tp still kena rotan.. :-(
Percubaan Penilaian dpt A, kedudukan dlm darjah
dlm Top 10. hahaha..
doin nothg - i had a privilege of goin thru coupla old albums of mine - during my kiddo moment up till recently when digicam creep into ur life when u started to take pics, yet so lazy to go and had it print. its been quite sometimes - but each page of it brings smile on my face, for theres memory behind em well. every each of it. i am not sure if i had these before in my page, but still - i wanna share em all, wit u.
skip dat belly, pls.
dis was like a 6 monthly basis trip for me before,
way back then. the above was in 1997.
heh, wonder where Hasnul is, now.
also somewhere in 1997-98.
wit Shamsuri Mat - he's in charge of A&E KT now.
wit Shamsuri and Hassan.
ngah - tahun brp eh?
along lupa la..
in Kuala Terengganu,
during one of my short trips for some off-days
back in 1999.
Kaunseling Kem or somethg
in 2004 still.
i really wanna go back to those years, really.. *sigh*
o yea - i forgot to put dis in - u know wat? today must be a very opposite day. one of the silliest credit card company just called me up and i had a 'great' helpful conversation with their billing department - knowin dat they kept on callin me for some reasons - and i already clear up all the bldy outstandin bills, then cancel the card rite away.
he went like 'pardon me sir - u've canceled the card? y sir?'. i was like, 'y? u asked me y? eh, u really wanna know y?'. there's a pause for a while. and he then went on like, 'erk, its ok la sir, thank u'.
one big shait. for tday. and it aint for me!
i wanted to write about dis for days now - but i din get the chance. its about thgs we do in life. every-day life, lah.. we often get so caught up by the daily rut and rigmarole dat we forget to relish life's lil pleasures. yeah - i mean it. look into yrself, i bet u know wat i am tryin to say then. here's a few lil things dat make me smile;
turning on the tv (pergkh - lama tak guna such term!) to unexpectedly catch the happy-endin of an underrated movie. gettin that lil piece of pop-corn (or petai, perhaps) finally out of your gums. or yr rotten-tooth. havin yr fingernails grow jst the rite length to peel off a sticker but not too long to make typing difficult (shait!).. findin an extra slice of bread in the fridge, when u know there's nthg left to munch. not havin a single junk email make it into in your inbox (miracle, isnt it?).. realizin dat in case you run out of toothpaste, there's an extra tube in the linen cabinet (it never happen to me.. why God? why?).. hearin the air-conditioner automatically kick-in the moment you feel a little warm but are too lazy to get up to lower the temperature yrself (God, pls! - as i always say).. gettin rid of the lil piece of pebble caught inside your shoe. comin across a word years after you last saw it in print - 'minstrels'. finishin item #10 on your lil "To Do" list just in time for ice-cream.. making item #11 on your "To Do" list "eat ice-cream" no matter what the list is about.
wld all dat make sense? i dunno. but it happens. to me, indeed.
its been a while since aku last do some shopping on baju2 kerja..
and dis time around, i got it alrite.
the food at Kinta City shooping center had gone thru a total overhaul, recently. heh - beside i was in there a day before (during the workin hrs), its been ages then. and gez wat? into a playground. LOL. i mean - it now has a children playground in it. everythg seems to hav totally refreshed now, even the stall looks very nice and proper alrite.
but the hot spot inside the food court is the new stall rite at the enterance of the food court. it was the Big Apple Donuts & Coffee. i've read so much on those bloggers mention about great donuts from Krispe Kreme or J.Co - but there aint any ere, in Ipoh.. *sigh*
but who cares? i gez Big Apple Donuts alrdy there for a year. i think. yet it aint suprise dat many patrons r in the queue for a taste of their delicious lookin donuts. i mean - their donuts really looks yummy tho.
the donuts r prepared in an open kitchen whereby u can see the team dedicatedly workin together to prepare the gastronomical delites dat tantalise the taste-buds of all ages, of their customers! heh. incldng me, alrite.