Friday, October 16, 2009

good life?


shait. shait. shait. dats how i've been feelin for the last coupla weeks. dun knw why. and dun u bother askin me why, too. my workouts are flat. no energy. appetite is low - tho sometimes, yeah - i did eat like a bloody horse. i dun even want to spend some quality time on my works, too. but tehn - i gez i cant complain. most days r shits (except for coupla days dat i really treasured). and yet still - i get a coupla real gems in between. on a good day - i feel inspired. its like ur on a one way mission - but u feel like a hundred bucks. when u roll outta bed and look outside - where there were dark storm clouds of doubt and weariness, u see nthg but blue skies and a sun smiling down on u.. everythin falls ur way. findin a twenty on the sidewalk. drivin down the street and all the lights are blue. i wanna hit new records on every lift. fcuk yeah - dat is the good life. a big part of me wishes every day were like dis..

the rest of me knws it cant be. see - i dun want the so-called good life. not now. at least. i've got too much work and thgs to be done. the good life can fcuk u up sometime. the good life makes u soft. the good life fills ur ears wit sweet music dat makes u forget.. forget the mission, who ur, wat matters most. shait - after a while - all u wann hear is dat bloody particular damn sweet music. and dat music drowns every single thang out; incldg dat voice in ur head, God sake. most ppl go thru their lives, numb, preferring to listen to the music, to themselves talk, to everythg - but the voice.. they lose their way. i gez - again; i am kinda lucky. i know - i did mistakes. my life wasnt like any others, it fulls of lumps and bumps. its a roller-coaster. yet, most days - dat voice inside my head is wailing like a freakin, fcukin siren. its so loud dat it sometime keeps me up at nights. keeps me honest. it wont let me forget. but when i get too many good days piling up one on top of the other - too much of dat good like, is - well, i plug my ears and roll up my sleeves. i pick up the hammer and get to hammering. after all - w/o dat voice - i wldnt be who i am. and who i can be..

and i gez - dis is the important part - jst do not forget. do not drown in the music. listen to ur voice. it is sayin somethg. God sake.

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