Thursday, July 9, 2009

expectation




pathway..






i am home now. done wit the clinical visits to few pysch ward seein the stndts and such for bed-side teachin, discussion and a bit of presentation of their own case studies. i am done coverin acute ward and long stayin ward in there; discussion over thgs like MSE, Schizophrenia and Bipolar Mood d/o and some psychotropic drugs too. dis group of stdnts r good - they did their homeworks well, they read too. i managed to run thgs faster since they managed to contribute more rather then i am spoon-feeding em all. kinda nice, indeed.


doin clinical rounds/visits means u will stumble into frens of yrs, yr ex-bosses, yr flames, ex-scandals and such. nah - i aint dat bad. but i did stumble into an old senior of mine tadi.. En Halim. he was like, 'lama tak nampak ko.. kurus skang.. diabetic eh?'. i was like happy to hear it.. the kurus thang. but diabetic? eh, hello! mulut longkang sgt, kan. but then, its ok la.. i took dat positively since dia mention aku 'nampak kurus'. yayyy!


done wit the packin. cuma nak mandi and wait for Mr Ahmad Ramli - my senior come in and pick me up. Ajak is goin in dis car too - so at least aku tak la mati akal, kutu segala bagai on wat to talk, how to talk, how to behave and such. yeah - behave. i need one, i think. heh.


kinda nervous alrite. i know i shldnt feel dis way.. for i think i know wats wrong wit me then. but then again - the uncertainty, the unknowin of how bad thg is, how far it goes - really drive me nuts. deep down - aku nyesal for not doin anythg at all earlier - while aku shldve been doin all dat. the MOPD apttments, the specialist apttments - byk yg aku defaulted. but then - dats all the past. nyesal pun tak guna.


i got no expectation. really. i am tired of havin one, tho. i am tired to breakin down when none of the hope up to the expectation. dammit - i aint sure of wat i am feelin now.










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