Monday, June 8, 2009

numb..





i've been thru dis road - dis freakin winding road coupla days before - for few days indeed. in numb. blur. confusion. and more. and i was well within days lately. thanks for frens around and such. but today - think i am screwed. again. finished. indeed. i am blur. confuse. numb wit thgs i shldve get over it before, well. it aint dat serious, i know; for i know myself pretty damn sure. but then - i am not sure of wat i am feelin at time being.. i jst dun know how and wat to tell.


some news break in, some sms pouring in - makin me kinda nervous. anxious. plain scared, damn fcukin shait. i am sad. down. numb for sure. yet - i am sure i am OK. duh, i jst dun know how it feels now, for God sake.


if it is good for someone, y shld i be worry? if someone is eager down for a new path - and it is good for the future - why shld i be sad? scared of being lonely? life is about loneliness, God sake. and dats the fact of life. y shld i be worry? y shld i be sad? i shld be happy for it is good for dat someone. i shld be glad, for theres more future in it. and if i ever be sad - dats so fuckin foolish, God sake. and dats so damn fuckin selfish at the same time, alrite.


but i am jst a plain flesh and blood. its alrite to be sad, isnt it? it is alrite to feel lonely - when u'll be facing thgs u hate in life - for u kinda 'had it all' for past coupla months before, rite? when all u had was fun, happiness, so-called meaningful kinda time fulfill wit joy and laughter, before.. i aint sure if i am gonna get all dat, anymore.


i dunno.. i shld stop worryin over thgs i cant change - i keep on tellin myself dat for days. and if i can change somethg and i dun - fcuk me - i shld then be worry to death, rite now.


disappear - doesnt mean u lost the whole thang, rite? at least dats wat someone told me. i shld hold on to myself, and get a grip. i hav faith. and i believe in it as well. theres more to cherish in life, rather than ur down in deep-fuckin-shait all days - while others r celebrating life like it shld be..


God - jst gimme strength.



*sigh*






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