Monday, June 8, 2009

numb..





i've been thru dis road - dis freakin winding road coupla days before - for few days indeed. in numb. blur. confusion. and more. and i was well within days lately. thanks for frens around and such. but today - think i am screwed. again. finished. indeed. i am blur. confuse. numb wit thgs i shldve get over it before, well. it aint dat serious, i know; for i know myself pretty damn sure. but then - i am not sure of wat i am feelin at time being.. i jst dun know how and wat to tell.


some news break in, some sms pouring in - makin me kinda nervous. anxious. plain scared, damn fcukin shait. i am sad. down. numb for sure. yet - i am sure i am OK. duh, i jst dun know how it feels now, for God sake.


if it is good for someone, y shld i be worry? if someone is eager down for a new path - and it is good for the future - why shld i be sad? scared of being lonely? life is about loneliness, God sake. and dats the fact of life. y shld i be worry? y shld i be sad? i shld be happy for it is good for dat someone. i shld be glad, for theres more future in it. and if i ever be sad - dats so fuckin foolish, God sake. and dats so damn fuckin selfish at the same time, alrite.


but i am jst a plain flesh and blood. its alrite to be sad, isnt it? it is alrite to feel lonely - when u'll be facing thgs u hate in life - for u kinda 'had it all' for past coupla months before, rite? when all u had was fun, happiness, so-called meaningful kinda time fulfill wit joy and laughter, before.. i aint sure if i am gonna get all dat, anymore.


i dunno.. i shld stop worryin over thgs i cant change - i keep on tellin myself dat for days. and if i can change somethg and i dun - fcuk me - i shld then be worry to death, rite now.


disappear - doesnt mean u lost the whole thang, rite? at least dats wat someone told me. i shld hold on to myself, and get a grip. i hav faith. and i believe in it as well. theres more to cherish in life, rather than ur down in deep-fuckin-shait all days - while others r celebrating life like it shld be..


God - jst gimme strength.



*sigh*






3 comments:

Inah said...

there will be some time that you dont even know what to do..hopeless and blank..it's normal..

just keep holding on..

Bluesinner said...

You are one sick emo guy, you know that? hehheh..

timtams said...

im confused :-/