Friday, October 31, 2008

aku tertdo tadik - cant help it. now i am havin sort of lite-headed. may be sebab makan nasik beriayni tadik la kot.. or perhaps - i never slept at dis kinda time. but dis buggin headache - really bugs me like fcukin shait.

i wanna do my Isya' n srt8 headin my crib. i know i am havin like another 4 chapters to go for trow's paper - but dis time around - i dun see any reason y shld i force myself, sulkin my way thru dis crampin headache.

nitey nite ppl. wish me luck.

first day? done!

here we go - i am done wit the whole first torturin day. went in a bit early (i mean -sharp on time) and dammit - i left early too!! hahaha.. watdya expect? its back to back - and i jst cant wait to get rid the whole shait off the shoulder, really. i remember i kept havin dis feelin every time i am done sittin for any exams (dr dulu2 lagik..) - ur studyin like rak, but when u sat for the exam - the soalan was like.. wallaweyyyy!! nope - i din say it is so freakin susah, yet it is too, not dat bloody easy.. tp - mcm.. heh!.. jst now too - i managed to answer em all - every single shait, but btol ke, salah ke.. i am not sure about dat (and i dun really care for checkin em back pun). let bygone be bygone. i know wat i am doin. i know hows the prep was. so watdya expect? heh - no expectation actually..

reached home around 5.30pm - after the kedai mamak session. go to hell wit diet - aku pekena nasik briyani like a horse jst now.. so wat? i was hungry! i bet i think too much dat my brain fueled off all the glucose and force me to eat like dat la kot.. yeah - rite. another self-defense mechanism.

i got a lite-headed now. nak stdo - dah nak magrib. may be i shld head the shower first la kot.. trow's wld be at 9am, but only one paper sajork.. so bley la cruisin2 online, chat sket2.. and esok tunggang langgang.. kan?



God - i am tired. i think i am cravin for more stido than stdy. each time aku ltk je kepala aku - sumpah aku lena dgn sekelip mata sajork.. heh. i hate exams. i wish there's no exams in dis whole wide world. and i hate exams as much as i hate those ppl yg invented dis bloody thang. y exams? now i am talkin like my own stdnts then.. apa org ckp - standin in their own shoes? heh. watever.

aku woke up at 2.3am dis mornin - hit back the crib around 4am.. bgun Subuh at 6am, did some more readin - hit back the crib at 8am, bgun at 9am - mandi, prepared some bekpes - n now.. aku read some more. again! the more aku tgk all dis shait kat meja stdy aku neh - the more aku nak sawan, puke, cirit segala bagai! huwaaa..

i jst wanna get thru all dis ASAP. and i know i am gonna be jst fine. i gez i will. yeah - i will be jst fine. i am fine. erm - i do think i'll be jst fine. i gez. i am sure i'll jst fcukin fine. i mean - i am fine. i think i am fine..

dammit. God - let me be jst fine!! huwaaaa..


time; 3.45am

venue; bilik stdy.

yeah - aku tgh wat final revision neh. sampah sgt - aku hardly remember most of the thang.. aku teringat kwn aku dulu2 pernah ckp - kita jadik cpt pelupa kalo kaki cit-chap. cit-chap tu aper? heh - ari2 mkn pengat, seniri mau ingat.. (mat motor ckp ada budak kechik baca blog neh - so aku kena cencored sket! hahaha). dun get me wrong - i aint dat kaki, eh! plz. huhu

sekejap je dah dkt pukul 4am. ada lagik 2 chapters neh. mcmana? nak tdo dulu ka, nak smbung terus study? or gulin2 smbel stdy?

heh - harews la aku t'tdo terus!!


Thursday, October 30, 2008

heh - mcm gampang plak dok rumah sorang2.. mcm org bodo ngadap all dis shait. aku dah puas saie' naik turn naik turun tangga, gulin dpn telly, mandi 3 - 4 kali dah, Nescafe dah 3 gelas besar, oats dah 2 mangkuk kecik.. pe lagik?

aku rasa nak pi gym je la.. tp tgh2ari mcm neh - heh, masak plak kang.

stdo, stdy, stdo, stdy, stdo, stdy, stdo..

i think aku tdo dulu la. kang bgun smbung stdy.

..still standin.

i’m unbreakable, baby

yeah, it’s a family affair

i may have done the things they say i did

but i’m not who they say I am

try to throw my name in the dirt

but i really don’t give a damn

i’m still standing like the statue of liberty

and i put my name in the history books

so you’ll forever remember me

remember me as the toughest warrior

or the ultimate fighter

cuz i’m the truth and nothing but

it's like my hands on the bible

and it’s the survival of the fittest

the realest, it's not a facade

still standing on my two feet

cuz i’m a child of God

still think u gotta do something with it?


torturing episodes..

had a dining out last nite.. then head for the ofc for some reason, i got back home around 11pm. aku mengantuk sgt, bdn sore, penat mental and physical. took my warm bath - aku hit str8 to the crib and wit in few seconds.. all dat i knew, aku dah in the MuMuLand.. woke up at 2am - aku supposed to sit n read - and dats wat i did - wit my mind still restin on the pillow, underneath the blanket while my body was like duduk tegak infront of the modules.. after like 45mins like - aku jst cant stand it anymore - aku jst walk off to the other room.. and SLEEP!! ni baru je bangun since sedar org azan subuh.. bley? study ke mana, apah ke mana.. stido je byk. thank God aku cuti ari neh - so all out, insyaAllah.

its rainin at time bein in ere - imagine - Subuh time, windy, rainin cat n dog, yr crib, blanket, pillows, off-day, modules, notes - damn! wat a fcukin combination.

think i shld go n sleep first. study later.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Pengarah jst called me up jst now - to his room. i was wonderin y at the first place - i aint kinda guy yg rajin kuar masuk ofis, let alone bilik Pengarah. suprisingly - aku spent for about 1 hr there.. and u know wat? jst to listen to his ramblin, grumblin. out of sudden - aku rasa simpati plak dgn dia.. its not easy to sit there in his chair - wit all kinda shait around - when even yr best fren try to poke at yr own arse and pretend tak tau pe2.. let alone all the stdnts nyer affairs, lecturers, tutors and such.. and finally - aku realize dat he really need someone he cld talk to - aku aku was wonderin.. 'y me?'. i am nobdy, really. i bet he hardly knew dat i am around pun.. altho he din say it loud enuff - but i gez, i need no explanation. u jst know it damn well enuff. he really needs someone to talk to. to ventilate. share thgs. affairs. problems and such.. and i started to realise it aint cool to be up there holdin that post God sake - duh, its so freakin not easy!!

back ere in my room - it left me wonder.. how scary it is to be livin when u need someone to hold on to. but it aint possible to live life, on our own definitely. i dunno. but then again - ppl kept comin to me wit sort of problems - now and then. they mght think dat it is easy for me to jst sit there, listenin and doin nthg. not dat i am complainin. jst dun get me wrong, God sake i aint complainin. i am trully proud if they can find a bit of relief the after-math. but then - as for me - i hardly found one. to really talk to then. to really jst listen to me, w/o sayin a word. to jst listen to me - w/o judgin me. let alone understand me.

scary, life is.

guys and the gym thang

i've been to the gym in and out for quite sometime now.. its a place i love to go - for at least dats the place i can channel out all my negative, unnecessary energy to the rite way, its a place where a lovely catchy music's playin (other than those in the clubbin-thang). but then again - theres coupla thgs yg kdg2 aku benci bein in the gym neh - its not the gym itself, but the ppl there.. i gez if u've been to one - i bet u'd be understand me well..

  • u do dis u do dat n u get sweat all over the place - the floor, the machine, the dumbells and every single thang u put yr hands on - tp tak reti2 nak lap balik.. leavin all the bloody sweat bersepah2.. heh! big time.
  • u got to the gym to socialize.. i mean - its ok la to say 'hi!', tnya kabar sket2.. but not until kacau org doin their thang - bergossip askin dis and dat, interviewing u like shait as if nak masuk dlm URTV. i jst hate dis, really!!
  • those yg come in tite shirt, tite pants - helooo!! pe kes? nak tyg body ? over-confident? and then berlegar2 dpn mirror smbel mata jeling2 kat org lain as if 'eh, ok ke bdn aku neh?', 'heh, aku la paling tuff kat sini', 'let em all meleleh air liur tgk bod aku'. i was like - eh, get out!
  • conquerin the whole shait to emself, as if gym tu mak bapak dorg punya.. heh - wat did they think? gym persendirian atas nama sendiri kah? go off and open up a new one la.. and main sorg2..

and the theres a few more - yg bg aku - bley la aku telan sket. i gez its all about mentality la kot, eh? and i gez i hav to bear wit em all well, other wise kena la aku je yg bukak gym sendiri!



back in the office. slept early last nite - woke up around 2.30am - doin some readin. i am strugglin wit my papers - dis comin 31/10 up 2/11. dammit all the modules, notes.. mcm bertimbun2 tak tersentuh dat it took me for about a day to put em all in perspective so dat i can go thru em all, well. around 4.30am - aku tried to crash a bit - and wakin up at 5.30am is the most shait thang to do.. now dat i am havin a bit lite-headed. dammit.

i was about to leave for the hospital tot i'd be doin the clinical teachin (since dah dkt seminggu aku tak pis ana siot!!), when Izzah called me up said aku kena do the Team Teaching together wit her and Mr Khairuddin on coupla core topics as a preparation for sumative budak2 neh.. heh. one thang about Team Teaching - i dunno, its not my kinda thang anyway. but i do think it is good for the stdnts.

theres so many thgs happened to me the whole day - semlm. i wanted to jot it down yet i dun really got time in doin so.. i think i will, soon. but most of the time - i managed to sit back n think - and smile for all the thgs happened. i gez thgs happened for a reason. jst dat us as a human bein - we failed to see thgs yg tersirat rather yg tersurat.. or yg tersurat rather yg tersirat. mana satu neh? heh..

pe pun - aku nak jumpak Pengarah early dis morn. there'll be a conference kat Berjaya Times Square dis comin 12 up to 14 - somethg to do wit the environmental science/health.. sounds pretty nice. aku nak pi lar!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

FaceBook rocks!

i think my latest cravin is - FaceBook. yeah - FaceBook (sorry uncle CB - tot u've said it sucks.. but its kickin yeah!). i managed to stumble into those yg dah lama sgt hilang tak tau ke mana - and suddenly jumpak kat FaceBook. i was like.. *shait*

thanks to Akbar - for introducin me wit such thang. luv ya! huhu

*opss..* hehe

Tuesday mournin.. hehe

reached the office around 7am - i shall get thgs started. so much to do dat i dun think i wld be able to catch some time doin the clinical teachin.

i jst dun feel rite. rasa mcm nak demam tak demam.. but then - dis mornin aku dah gulped some Brufen, think i'll be ok.

boss is not in, thank God. the Pengarah too.. still cuti raya ke? watever it is - it makes me feel so damn freakin cool.. so at least i can be breathin a bit easily yeah.

Monday, October 27, 2008

back home around Magrib. done wit mandi, solat - aku spent sometime infront of the idiotbox.. doin the channel surfin. news - heh, i gez no news is a good news nodays. mtv / [v] wit same old thang.. NatGeo - seen em all, i think. RTM - erk, wats dat anyway? blah.

online sekejap, while doin my own thang - kena siapkan dis presentation for trow. coupla calls came in - sembang jap.. done wit all dat - aku finally mcm set back my own both feet on the ground. in my own world. the real world. heh.

shall go downstairs jap la.. lapar la plak.

its a Monday morn., and thank God it aint a manic one. i set my mind to wake up a lil bit late today - but unfortunately rite after Subuh - i was like tumblin upside down jst to get my eyes closed. so i grab my sport shoes, changed my baju - off aku pi Padang Polo n do some joggin. it turned out to be a lot off ppl there.. mcm happenin la plak. one hr half after dat - aku off home.

theres coupla thgs yg ak perlu siapkan by trow. esok ada presentation, and aku was like not really ready for dat. and dis convo thang - benci la..

rasa mcm nak gulin2 dpn idiotbox jer.. yet keje tak siap2 lagik.


theres a time when u do believe dat ur missin some one - damn badly, yet then ur not sure as if ur suppose to or not - and it hurts u damn badly. ur thinkin about someone yet - ur wonderin - does the other person do think about u - so freakin badly like u do? and again - it does hurt u so fuckin bad. and theres a time when ur treassurin time u spent together - u think about it all the time dat ur about to lose yr head at anytime at all - but then again - again; ur wonderin.. does the other part do think the same too?

i gez dats wat i am now. and its so freakin hurt me like a fuckin shait.

i hate myself for it. heh.



Sunday, October 26, 2008

makan.. lagik! heh.

done wit all the talks (2 talks sajork, actually) by 1pm.. sampai rumah - aku was like drowsy nak mampus.. thanks God 1st talk kat Batu Gajah, 2nd one kat Ipoh ni jer.. sedar tak sedar - aku terlena kat sofa. around 2.30pm, Ayu asked me out for a hi-tea dgn stdnt2 dia.. budak2 Form 5. out of nothg - aku ikut jer.. and kena la plak pakai baju kelas budak2 neh buat - hentam sajer.. and the best part is - bila aku belek2 dlm gambar in the camera - aku pun mcm diorg jugak.. bley?

hi-tea is another thang. and eatin, skippin my jog/gym routine is another thang. Ayu told me it shld be over by 5.30pm - but then.. 6.30pm pun tak siap2 lagik. i kept on tellin myself not to eat like a horse.. but then again - i did eat like a horse. dis is aint like sea-horse, padi-horse (kuda padi, it is).. dis is a real damn horse. aku mcm ilang akal sekejap. bila dah tersandar.. i was like - shait, wat did i do!! aku suddenly baru sedar yg perut aku penuh sgt dat i barely breathin. bley? aku remember Nazmir once told me 'sir, take a break larr.. treat dis Saturday (it is semlm) as a break for.. a holiday. eat wat u want.. esok ikat le prot..'. yeah rite. do u blve in dat? i mght as well ended up takin a bloody break - every single day then.

i gez at dis time of age - i cant really afford of doin dat. takut seh!!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

reached home from my routine jog/gym by the time org tgh azan.. siap2 mandi, solat - aku dozed sekejap infrnt of the telly. suddenly aku rasa my prot meraung2 lapar.. heh - only then aku remember aku cuma mkn nasik lemak je pagik tadi.. and dats about it.

gonna hit my crib early - esok (i know it is Sunday shait) aku kena deliver 2 talks, in different tempat.. awal pagi kat Batu Gajah, then around 11am in Ipoh itself. fikir2 balik - aku rasa malas sgt.. since esok Ahad.


Sat morn.

woke up at 7am - dammit aku late for Subuh.. terus mandi, made myself a big mug of Nescafe - aku terus head to the ofc; aku ada appointment dgn coupla students research under supervision aku.. geram jugak - since cuti2 mcm neh kena buat all dis kinda shait.. done wit it - aku anta Nazmir ke Medan Gopeng - he needs a ride since dia nak sgt balik Seremban seein his parents.

other than dat - aku tak tau wat to do for the whole day today. cld be goin for Tesco jap.. beli barang2 dapur. ptg ke gym n jog as usual.. mlm mkn free - ada open hse yg tak abes2. matilemekgemuk.

its been a long day today. tho its Friday - most of the time i love it alrite - but dis time around - Friday was like a sickenin day dat i refused to thru it alrite again. i gez i am pretty mentally exhausted.

gotta crawl upstairs now. and do the crashing.

nite ppl.. great weekend. and Happy Deepavali.

Friday, October 24, 2008

life is.. again.

been havin dis tot for quite sometime - lingerin about in my head. i know i've been talkin about dis now n then, like as if i am a crazy lad. but the truth is - i aint crazy. i was just wonderin. ppl said - sometimes u dun hav to hav the answer for every single thang in life - for if u know every of it, it mght hurts u as well. but then again - i insist of knowin dis.

wat is life? watdya understand about life is? go to hell wit the definition. it is not the thang dat i am lookin for. i am wonderin of wat life means. means to u. to me. to every of us. is life is jst for - u go wit the flow, every day in and out? or life is - yeah, ur livin yr life for u scared dat life mght leaves u? or perhaps - life is jst about existing in dis whole wide world? u came to the world, u walk about, breathe in and out, find some meanin of it, and off u go up to heaven (if ur lar!). so wat life is anyway?

dun smile like as if u mght think i am goin insane. or worst to worst - complicated. frens told me i shall take life as it is, live it up to the max - so u wont hav any regret left behind. but then - dat it is? and semlm - after done wit the jog - aku stumbled into my ex-boss, and he's a Haji.. a kind old man wit nice sweet words - askin me hows life, wat i am up to and hows thang wit the work/life.. i was like givin him a long elaboration hows work goes so well for me.. but when it comes to life - aku was kinda stuck. i remember told him 'life OK, doin great..' kinda thang. and aku still remember it clear as crystal when he smiled cynically; askin 'ru sure..' as if he's readin my bloody fuckin mind.. and when i smiled back and said 'yeah.. yeah.. i am OK. kenapa?', he was like - fuck! i feel so ashamed of myself, indeed. how cld he did dat to me? is dat too bloody obvious - writin on my dahi of somethg? God Lord. and then - he started to come out wit lots of so-called 'nasihat' over life, meanin of life, whereabouts the life and so much more.. i was like - havin dis droppin of jaw listenin to dis old man - his sweet words, as if he knew real damn thang wat life is (and which i believe he is).. i wanted to remember every single words of him, but definitely i cant. but then again - few of his q's, words lingered on my head like a freakin spell.

as for life - i know life is great. life is fun for me. tho it is sometimes full of bumps and such - it isnt dat bad, really. but then - for me; my life is like runnin around the bushes - in circle.. again and again. ppl said u hav to be ready to learn, unlearn and re-learn to hav a fucktastic life.. and dats wat i am tryin to do. it is hard - for sometimes u determine to learn thgs - but when u face the same thang again and again - ur as if losin control, u dunno wat to do, u try to do the best - yet, most of the time ur flat on the ground - rite on yr filthy face.

it'd be great if i am able to run away - far away - findin some comfort in the so-called pain, and havin pleasure in the same time, away from troubles dat may bug the rest of my life.. God sake - i am not ere in dis world for troubles.

i jst wish i know wat life is.. so i can live it perfectly flawless. which is like - yeah rite..

Thursday, October 23, 2008


btw - am i dat complicated? i mean - a complicated guy; which pretty hard to understand. or may be - not at all. but then - how complicated, is complicated? i remember a fren of mine (who was also a blogger durin the ekawan thang) did tell me the same - pretty hard to understand me. pretty hard to predict.

i dunno. if ur sayin dat i am complicated, by readin the posts in ere - i gez i am jst tryin to be frank. wit my feelin n such. dis is the only place for me to ventilate thgs. i din do journal anymore, so dis is the place for me.

i think - bein complicated wldnt be dat bad, after all, aye?


Penang trip.

these r some of the pics for the time i spent in Penang coupla days back. i wanted to add captions for each pic - but then to think about it - sometime it is better to leave thgs as it is. i gez let the pics show thgs on its way la kot..

it was a great time, really. spent some time in Akbar's place before we of to Batu Feringgi and back to cruise around George Town n such. it is nice, too - to hav a break from all the hassles and troubles at work and many more. to hav a great companion is the best thg in life u'd wish for - especially bila dpt yg sekepala n giler2..

to Akbar - thanks for the time. lookin forward for some more, may be.

dis is life!

woke up early dis morn - wit pretty clear headed. i know i got lot of thgs in store for me to be done rite up to the next month.. and a part of it - i jst cant wait to get em all done, in a rite way.. sore all over the body, its the post-work out thang, i am pretty sure of it alrite.

in the office now - coupla mails in. memos and such.. and yeah - a few of works left by the boss to be done.. heh - i was jst about to get my day tune up well.. i am not sure how i am gonna feel now.

i believe i had a good life. i believe i shldnt be traded my stupidity for love dat i hav, w/o a second tot. after all - i do hav wat i want in life. all dis shait dat i'm thru - all over again, cld be a silly game dat i mght be then regret for bein in one. but i am jst a plain flesh and blood - i tend to keep comin back for more. rushin back for more.. tho i exactly got i asked for, in life at time bein. i dunno. i knw dis aint a good excuse. i hate to admit dat i am jst a flesh n blood, tend to make mistake kinda thang.

it is like givin me more rooms to make mistakes, not knowin as if i am gonna learn thgs or not.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

finally i am home. a part of me feelin kinda empty - i know i shldnt feel it dis way. and i do believe dat another part of me still lingerin there, in Penang.

i gotta be real. for dis wld lead me to nowhere..

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

last day in Penang.. shall be leavin trow for Perak. Ipoh to be precise. i got a mixed feelin alrite. a part of me wanted to get rid of dis. but another half of it - i dunno. dis is so aint rite. and i know it damn well. it aint mine. it wldnt be - not a chance. not even in my dream; no matter how i wish to, no matter how i try too. but then again - i shall appreciated it then as it is.. dis is not like - i am not goin to hav dis everyday. but then - it meant a lot to me. the time. the precious moment. laughter and such. but i aint sure if it does to the other half.
goin to start workin rite on Thursday morn. dammit got lots of thang in store. gonna be real damn bz soon, i think

Monday, October 20, 2008

in Penang now. nice place. nice time. and nice ppl around. shall be leaving for Batu Feringhi soon..

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sunday morn.

cant really sleep. woke up str8 away after Subuh, aku decided aku shld be doin some healthy dis mornin rather than lazying around doin nthg. so aku get dressed, find my jog shoes - and aku head for Padang Polo; a place where aku sued to spent time durin Sunday mornin - most of the weekend, but hardly now. the erobik session was funtastic - aku get soaked in the middle of the crowd (plus under a real sun) like nbdy biz.. around 8.30am, i was done wit it; aku decided to go for a jog.. aku was like so fcukin exhausted, so aku decided to head home. cdg nak terus pi gym - but it was like 9.30am in the morn - and the gym wasnt open up yet. so aku trus balik rumah and mandi larr..

aku yet to pack up for Penang trip. all out fo the sudden - aku had dis mixed feelin - to go or not to go. aku dah beli pun tiket. may be aku shld jst giv it a shot. and see wats in store after dis. or may be - i shldnt giv it a try, at all.. for u never know the after-math risks, which aku dun think i'd be able to deal wit it anymore.

i gez i'd go wit the flow. not to get drowned, but see how thg goes. if it is bad - i shall back off. and even if it is good tho - i mght as well not puttin any hope on it damn much. may be.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

feel so bad, like shait tonite. i am not sure if i shld feel dis way - i aint sure if i or not even shld feelin dis way - dats wat i am tryin to say.. but i am not good, dats all i know.

i am headin my crib. i jst need a rest.


i kept on lookin at the phone screen - i gez i am startin to hav such habit now. but it aint nthg there. and i gez it hurts..

i gotta be real. coz dis aint serve me rite.

Friday, October 17, 2008

its another same old Saturday nite. not dat i regret it for got nthg much to do - but then again.. nah - i shld thank God for at least, dis weekend around, i am spendin it all out for my ownself, and ppl who loves me, around me. kinda nice. i mean - it is fuckin nice, indeed. tho trow is Saturday n i aint goin for work, i dun feel like crashin late.. i am indeed crawlin up into the crib, real soon.

managed to chat wit kak yang thru YM! jst now.. Husna dah besar.. tak der gigi.. jst got back from skol. Aleeya chubby yet still cute like she used to be.. kak yang is chubbier (eat it baby! haha).. she even had dis double chin (frankly speakin kak yang - i wasnt dat sure which one is yr real chin! bley?). relaks - jgn santau along, eh! i am losin weight, for yr info. hahaha.. and abg uda is keepin his hair long now. wah! a real rock star.. cant wait till dis end of the yr - kak yang n whole family will be back from UK for a holiday in ere. i really miss em all - like shait. really.

aye - headin the 'kandang' now. u ppl - hav a gr8 weekend, aye!! and hav a gr8 Sat Nite Fever.. as for me - i alrdy got dis simple plan for my Sat/Sun. atypical one - but i'll make sure i'll be enjoyin it all, to every cents of it.

nitey nite, uols!!

these r three of Ayu's fav. she said em all r kinda nice.. but these r damn nice rather any others..

its a fry-day yeah!

its gonna be a real hectic friday today. yeah - a real fry-day. there'll be a meeting wit Lembaga from KL, the after Jumaat - ada akademik meeting la plak.. ikut tentative - there'll be jamuan raya peringkat kolejj - incldg all the students. start at 4.30pm.. tp sejarah aku kat sini mesorat akademik tak pernahnyer kurang around 1hr!! heh. pedulik pe aku. aku tau 5.30pm - aku wld be off for a jog. and no gym today.. sakit bdn weh!!

trow wld be the first weekend aku wld be stayin back at home. so far - and aku will make sure nthg will come in between. dis time around - mmg aku nak stay back at home!! asyik2 weekend ader je prog. mcm gampang! but then again - Sunday ptg aku will be off to Penang up to Wed., for aku got thgs to settle there.

heh. thank God its Friday!


my horror-scope for today;

"..avoid situations that seem overly complex (wat complex? i think i am alrdy in one, u idiot!). choose to do things in the simplest way possible (i know. i heard of it before too.. but i gez it is so damn late now!! simplest way possible? my arse). stayin indoors is a good idea (and mold my danglin balls? heh). avoid orange (u mean - kaler oren? eh, helloo.. crazy eh? me? kaler oren? uh, puhlezz!).."

Thursday, October 16, 2008

thursday morn!

gloomy morn. i mean - the cuaca lah. as for me - think i am gettin better. and i aint gonna wait until i fully recover before aku off on the fast track. i am alrdy in the ofis, w'pun basicly dmm aku baru je mcm nak kebah. but its ok - i am gonna be better in no time at all. had an aptment wit one of my HSR stdnt. gotta go thru his research well, before aku off for clinical.

Ajak wasnt around for the whole 2wks. he's in MAHSA somewhere in KL there for his own bisnes. and so forth Amed. Afiz - erm, i am not sure where he is. i hardly see him coupla days ni.. sometimes aku rasa its a rewardin to be able to move around - alone. i got the chance doin things i wanna do rather than do thgs wat ppl wants me to then. heh.

i was in at home around 8.30am when van 'surat khbr lama' is doin its tourin around the taman wit its loudspeaker on, screamin shaits out all the kiasu thang - 'surat khabar lama, .... (in Chinese i dunno how to say it anyway)'. and sick enuff, dat sound sticks in my mind now, playin like a old rusty record. duh.. crazy.

cant wait for the weekend, really.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

nitey nite!!


these r jst a few shoots yg aku amek kat Telukk Rubiah coupla days back.. i got a lot. tp biasak2 je.. nak try utilize the Photoshop, but i am still learnin. so most of the pics - aku cuma manipulate apa yg aku tau je lah.. think i started to love doin dis - i mean; photography. tp ye lah - aku baru je baru belajar, so tak perlu dijolok kan, ok.. opss.. hahaha..

i hope u'll find em all kinda nice. may be. coz i do think it, too.


my skin is like a map, of where my heart has been
and I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing
so I let down my guard, drop my defenses, down by my clothes
i'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow
i bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me
there's a mark you leave, like a love heart, carved on a tree
i bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me
underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily

I Bruise Easily - Natasha Bedingfield

fever strikes back..

took an EL dis morn - think i am havin a fever. head spinnin like gasing - i hardly stand up pun.. badan rasa mcm demam tak demam - i am not sure y. after Subuh dis mornin - aku telan Brufen, think i am doin a bit OK now.. called Mr Anwar sayin i am not goin to work, called Abg Din askin him to cover me up in the ward - for i am not around; the stdnt mght go u-la la as 'kucing tiada tikus lari-lari..'

i dun think theres somethg wrong wit me.. as i said before - i believe fever is aint a disease itself. its a 'petanda'. or a sign. a sign dat u mght be havin somethg else 'unwanted' in yr body. a sign dat askin u to take care of yr own body - pampered it well, manja-manja sket.. a sign to slow yrslf down a bit. i gez.

i wont be doin nothg at all today. i mght be as well takin my sweet time under a blanket in my own crib - worst to worst wld be infront of the idiot-box.

at time like dis, i jst wish.. *sigh*

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


it aint a good day for me today. somethg went wrong somewhere - i mght jumped out of the bed by the wrong side, perhaps. every single thgs - again; serba tak kena. perhaps too - it mght be due to the sings i've listened to all day since the morn., or perhaps due to ppl around me yg bley tgk aku senang (which is i think it wldnt be rite), or perhaps it is becoz thgs dat i've done.. or perhaps - it is me myself. i used to tell ppl it is all in yr head. it is all up to u to how make the day nice or gloomy. and it is all up to u on how u want yr day to be..

i dunno. i kinda hate every single thang in front of me now. a bit psychotic, i know. but i am not.. God sake.

Monday, October 13, 2008


it looks like everythg seems to be so damn fcukin silly for me today.. ever since ptg tadik - semuanya serba tak kena. i hate thinkin about it - but then again, i hate ended up my day today like a freakin cold shait. i am havin a headache now, and i hate myslf for it, really.

theres nothg worst in life when ur havin a misunderstandin wit yr own close buddy. and theres too, nothg worst when ur words, ur sayin has been wrongly interpreted - leads u urself into kinda serba-salah nyer situation.

i feel like i wanna let off the whole thang. the more i think about the whole shait, the achin my head wld be.

jst dat - i shldnt ended up my day like dis.. dis is so not me.



congratulation, Xiean.. i really wish the very best in life, in yr future. theres no thg more to wish for rather than havin all dis in yr hand. good great chance hardly comes around twice - u had it now in yr hand.. make sure it is as it is - as long as u can.

i am trully glad for u!


in the ofc now - set my mind for a jog.. but its rainin like hell out there. further more - gym's off day on Monday. mencik.. all changes aku dah bwk dlm kete. ujan la plak..


teluk rubiah - pt5

isma, aku n nirmala posing after-math. amcm? ahaks..

celebratin katernyer.. abes upacara penutup, we gather2 amek pics plak..

isma, 'eh shah.. adik aku ckp, amek pic dr bwh.. so ko tak la nampak pendek sgt..'. motif? aku lah pendek!! wallawey isma - ko nampak tinggiiii sesgt. bley? muahaha..

anak-anak dara..

anak teruna. question - teruna kah? huhu.. heh.

aku dgn pilot kolej - fisham..

tunggu the rite time to check-out.

teluk rubiah - pt4

on Saturday ptg - after the bitch.. erk - i mean, beach volleyball. pasukan fasci berjaya menumpaskan ke sumer team-team yg lain.. clutz!! ahaks.

aku dgn Azhar. skema sekejap.. Saturday nite - dinner.

Sunday early mornin - it looks like its gonna rain! but it aint, thank God. shows, rite? the sky.

Sunday morn., Treasure Hunt. soalan fav aku yg byk team tak bley jwb.. 60 bahagi 1/2, tambah 10.. hah, berapa uols? cepat!!