Monday, September 15, 2008

in.fa.tu.a.tion





i gez dats wat i am feelin know. i know how i feel alrite - but i hate to confess dat - dis kinda mushy mushy feelin in me - dammit; dari dulu lagik i hardly recognize it well.


dis time around - i dun wanna be another fool. i am feelin nice alrite. feelin great. each time my phone screamin shit sayin dat 'sir, u got a msg' kinda thang - i'd be smilin like a crazy owl. trust me - i've been there, done dat - for quite sometimes, again and again. and dis time around - again. i hate to prepare myself for all the consequences dat it may brings me. i hate to prepare myself to 'dump' someone earlier, rather than me myself get dumped. i know it sounds pretty idiot and bloody rough, crazy - but i gez dats the way life is. i've been dumped, flat on the ground dat i've to bangun senirik - its a damn fcukin thang dat i refused to face it again.


its ok - its a infatuation. it is sooooooo fcukin in.fa.tu.a.tion.. i DO believe it is another bloody infatuation. i am not in love - it is so fcukin wrong to be in love; when u know the other half is alrdy havin half-half wit someone else. its a pahit fact for me, really. but - do i hav a choice.


yeah - rite. i always get wat i want. really. wat if i really want it - y should i giv a fcuk whom or wat the other half is bein wit, anyway? i know wat i want. and i know wat i want in my own bloody life. but then - dis is different. and nah - its so fcukin selfish. i dun think i got guts to do dat.


but then - wat shld i do? layan je? pretendin dat i am happy floatin on the cloud 9, tak payah turun2 lagik dah? dats so fcukin idiot.


dammit.



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