Wednesday, August 27, 2008

i dun feel good. mentally. and physically. it jst dat theres coupla thgs botherin me n i hate myself to be dis way.. i've been thru dis shait again and again - and i've been advisin lot of ppl how to go thru dis bloody shait - yet the true is - i aint learn a thang. period. i am a one lame fool and i aint learn a fcukin thang. i am pretty bad in handlin thgs like dis. i tend to push it away and hope thgs gonna be just fine by the time the sun rise trow morn. which is totally a bullshait - and gez wat, i think i aint gonna deal wit it, dat way anymore. i gez i gotta find my bloody courage - if i ever got one - and stand my bloody stance/ground, darn well. i hate pretendin as if i am cool, as if i am good - where as deep down - i am shattered into pieces like a cheap fcukin glass.

i wanted to end dis. i got to. and i aint got no choice, dis time. i hate goin to sleep wit dis numb feelin buggin my head - and sleep thru it well, hopin thgs gonna be jst fine by the time i wake up then. i dun think dat wld ever work on me. anymore. i am goin to say wat i long to say. and i am goin to say it out damn fcukin loud. i am not a fool - even if i am, i'll be the fool one time. and no more. i am tired wit all dis shait. and i cant live life dis way. dis is so not me.

i am tired. i am sad. i feel like i got shait buggin my head well enuff dat i refused to think about anythg at all.

i wish.. i jst wish i dun know u at all.

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