Thursday, August 28, 2008

i am leavin town. i gez i'll back when thgs r fine. and OK.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

i dun feel good. mentally. and physically. it jst dat theres coupla thgs botherin me n i hate myself to be dis way.. i've been thru dis shait again and again - and i've been advisin lot of ppl how to go thru dis bloody shait - yet the true is - i aint learn a thang. period. i am a one lame fool and i aint learn a fcukin thang. i am pretty bad in handlin thgs like dis. i tend to push it away and hope thgs gonna be just fine by the time the sun rise trow morn. which is totally a bullshait - and gez wat, i think i aint gonna deal wit it, dat way anymore. i gez i gotta find my bloody courage - if i ever got one - and stand my bloody stance/ground, darn well. i hate pretendin as if i am cool, as if i am good - where as deep down - i am shattered into pieces like a cheap fcukin glass.

i wanted to end dis. i got to. and i aint got no choice, dis time. i hate goin to sleep wit dis numb feelin buggin my head - and sleep thru it well, hopin thgs gonna be jst fine by the time i wake up then. i dun think dat wld ever work on me. anymore. i am goin to say wat i long to say. and i am goin to say it out damn fcukin loud. i am not a fool - even if i am, i'll be the fool one time. and no more. i am tired wit all dis shait. and i cant live life dis way. dis is so not me.

i am tired. i am sad. i feel like i got shait buggin my head well enuff dat i refused to think about anythg at all.

i wish.. i jst wish i dun know u at all.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

its an interesting threesome contest. and its Permatang pauh - everybdy knew it damn well. and again - DSAI won it damn fcukin well.. its a gigantic majority, landslide kinda victory. its totally major. say wat u wanna say. as if i wanna giv it a fcukin damn. tho deep down i still feel the sore wit shaits i've been thru today - but dis kinda thang enuff to make me smile..

i wonder wheres the moronic news on the idiotbox - all over (except for Awani).

and its funny how thgs in dis country r runnin by a bunch of idiots - and treatin ppl like one, too.

who the hell they think they r, anyway?

met someone on the net jst now. i feel bad. had dis mixed feeling. i feel stupid. idiot. wanted to passed it thru - but cant help myself. and i am feelin kinda guilty now.

Monday, August 25, 2008

..that my heart is in two different places
I got you in my life and I wanna do right
but it's hard to let it go
when my love has two different faces
and I can't break ties cause they both look right
someone tell me what's a man to do
when he's loving two
and he don't wanna lie
but he can't tell the truth

what's a man to do
when he's loving two
but he can't keep his heart
in two different places
not in two different places..

i dun think i am feelin dat good - i mght be ended up havin fever.. and i had dis pyrosis (heartburn) eversince ptg tadik lagik.. it was my solely fault. i din take breakfast, i skipped my lunch and jap tadik je mkn pizza - itu pun mcm jst a small piece. mulut ni rasa mcm payau jer.. mencik la. aku tried takin some MMT - worked well a bit. tp rasa mcm nak teguk sebotol sajork - for the heartburn is still there.. it aint dat pain. but the dull uneasy feelin really killin me.
i am yet done wit my work. byk sgt keje tertangguh neh - baru je merdeka kejap - dah nak sawan plak dgn benda2 neh.. esok aku got like 3hrs to go for classes. and dammit - yet aku tak prepare pe2 pun. huhu..


for now - aku nak masuk tido. and ready for trow.. tho aku like 'hate' trow.. i dun wanna hav dat in mind for it'll spoil my whole trow, God sake.

nitey nite, uols!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

the finale. the end of every single worst thg in dis wide world. the torture. the lackin of sleeps. the 'nak makan pun tak sempat' yeah-rite. hrs of day-dreamin. the moment of truth.. (wah!)

yeap yeap - i am goin to sleep early tonite - nak qado' sumer2, indeed. i am in fact headin for the mall rite after the last 2 papers dis mornin - for a walk - doin the ppl-watchin thang (and not the baju-hunting, again.. i hope). thinkin over dis again - best jgk - sekali sekala mcm neh. rather than gu o to work, u back from work and the cycle goes around and around, again and again dat u started losin count (and not weight, dammit); makin u so damn monotonous. structured like a pole. or tiang goal, perhaps.

heh. enuff. gotta run. i dun wanna be late to the hall.

wish me luck, ppl. a whole wide world of luck. tonnes of luck, yeah.. God - i am not sure of wat i've been readin la plak.. tiber2.

watever it is - jap lagi dah merdeka!!


Saturday, August 23, 2008


it was rainin all petang - left me stranded back at home. i feel like goin for a jog initially - it was like a week since i got the chance of doin dat alrite. and i mght as well drop in to the gym for a while after dat.. but then again - dat was the whole plan - which tak work out pun. it was a heavy downpour, siap dgn petir kilat segala bagai yeah.. make me menikus duduk diam2 dlm rumah while doin some readin - again.

the paper pg ni - quite OK lah. yeap - OK in the sense of ofr God sake - i was readin n mentelaah for the tot of there'll be question like - really go into deep. back then - the question was like 'mcm taik' as Apiz said. i do agree wit Apiz - tho for me - tak le seteruk 'taik' pun.. the questions looks easy - but dammit - so fcukin tricky. aku took just an hr plus - finished up the whole thang and off aku pi lepak kat Naina - waitin for Apiz for a break.. after all the 'taik' - aku rasa confident le sket, really. i gez - it wldnt be dat bad for me, insyaAllah.

aku had another 2 papers to go - trow. a tuff ones, yeah. and i had dis feelin - thgs gonna be just fine - makin me mula take thgs for granted. i was infront of the idiotbox for HBO (damn!! lama sgt dah aku tak ngadap tv, siot..), got drifted away for hrs.. and woke up around after Asar wit the panic tot - mak ai, aku got 2 modules to run thru!! and off i did dat - wit mp3 playes stuffed in ears and non-stop munchin watever available in the fridge. heh - gez by the end of all dis torture - i am gonna get extra stones, shait yeah.. imagine - jst had my arse of the seat, wit somethg to read, and somethg to munch - most of the time.. darn.

it is still rainin - cats and dogs out there - i really hope dis will lead me to a better sleep tonite..

freak freak to the beat!

i hav downloaded (hope i get the term rite) 3 of the great 80's songs for u ppl to listen to.. its How Can I Fall / Hands to Heaven - Breathe and Live To Tell - Madonna.. those were among the hit songs in 80's, i can assure u, really.

nah - stop havin dat looks on u. i must admit - i am 80's freak. i love all the songs from 80's (yet dun get me wrong - i love the latest tunes, too!). i was born earlier and raised up listenin to all such numbers.. i remember my mum and dad went ga-ga over these all and i gez i learnt lesson pretty well! for those yg may concern - u shld understand wat i mean. but for the new generation - i gez u shld giv it a chance to soothe yr ear-wax well.

heh - gotta go. nak mandi. happy listenin! and happy readin, too!

wats the glory? its Saturday morn..

i was strugglin upside down in bed - just to get my eyes close and my mind shut for a while. it was kinda weird for i hardly had such problem - really. i didnt take any heavy meals, i got no caffeine at all prior jumpin into the crib. i hate dis for i need my whole shait kinda concentration for my Food, Health and Environment paper trow (or dis morn) - at 9 to be precise.. i admit theres coupla thgs marchin up and down in every corner of the brain - and God sake - i jst cant help it. my usual method of 'shuttin down' my brain mlm ni tak menjadi plak.. heh.

so - dis is wat i am doin.. facin the books, notes again. and suprisingly - all these books, notes and such failed to make feel bloody sleepy!! dis is utterly weird. but then - i am enjoyin it. stayin up very early in the morn - where u cldnt hear anythg at all except cengkerik sajork - makes it easy to absorb all thgs yg patot aku ingat dek my corrupted mind neh.. and at the same time - aku had dis laptop online belakang aku kat meja komputer.. sempat lagik snapped pic and upload. thinkin about all dis - aku rasa ngah always rite - aku pretty good in multi-tasking, yeah. huhu..

i am thinkin to hit the crib jap for a lite nap before off mandi manda and head the exam center..

the last 2 papers - yesterday; Polisi Sosial & Undang plus Teknologi Maklumat, Globalisasi dan Kualiti Hidup - aku was like a bit OK la.. watdya expect? its a last minit prep., meh!! but then - aku managed la.. and no regret. dats the important part of it.

btw ppl - dah Subuh neh!! get up u sleepy head. solat first and go get yr second-round nyer tdo..

mornink ppl.. and hope it'll be a great Sat., eh!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Thursday, August 21, 2008

al fatihah..

i was havin my 2hrs class wit the juniors when suddenly Mr Adnan came in and asked permission to interupt for a while - ada kemalangan yang menyebabkan kematian happened.. and it was budak final sem.. aku tersentak - Ya Allah!! budak aku.. K18!! and it was, indeed. Afzarin Mohd. Yacob. aku was shocked. aku lost words.. by the time Mr Adnan left the hall - aku started to receive more and more calls - and most of it from the rest of budak K18.. aku kaget sgt. aku remember lookin at the stdnt faces in the hall - blankly. w/out knowin wat to say. and wat to tell.. aku feel like leavin the class - but definately i cant afford to do dat. and it left me no choice - aku got to carry on - wit the feelin of lump inside my chest, my throat.

Afzarin was one of a real good stdnt. bersopan santun, tau hormat org, he speaks nicely - nice words, he was one of AJK Surau indeed. i remember while he and the others was in didactic - he was the AJK Akademik - he was like comin to my room everyday, every single day - askin dis and dat - why dis lect tak masuk and can he or not got the notes and such.. if he din do dat in a day - aku started to think 'wats wrong' kinda thang.. even while doin his practical too - he kept on callin me and texting me - to ask dis and dat, regardin his research and such.. and knowin him in person makes me gald to help him even more.

but then - i was sad - now no more. he was on the way to Hospital Kota Bharu for his practical when he was rammed over by a lori and sustained multiple fractures, various injuries (head injury too, i bet) and left him lost his valuable life, stat - on the spot. i was shocked. i was sad. i wanted to join the other lecturer to go there n pay the last respect - but i just cant. i got papers early trow mornin. and Ipoh - KB, it was not like dat dekat.. and just now - his father called me up - he was fine but after quite a while.. he started to cry askin y i cant be there. i felt like cryin - i know his pain of losin son. i told him to be strong - tho me myself - i am not sure of wat i was sayin. and i promised him dat i'll be goin there to his house next week - by the time aku aku balik Kelantan next week.

Afzarin - i know Allah loves u so much. as well as we r all do in ere.. and we all will be missin u definately. semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas rohnya. dan meletakkannya bersama mereka yg beriman dan bertaqwa, amin.


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

i am not sure where did i put thumb-drive Kingston 4G yg aku bwk pi PJ baru neh for the Tony Buzan - beside there's nota2 kursus inside there - ada lot of other files yg penting.. incldng for trow 2 hrs class.. jenuh dah aku selongkar beg baju, beg komputer.. segala jenis bag - but i cldnt find it.. aku rasa mcm nak menanges je.. mati la mcm neh.

aku rasa geram sgt - bkn salah saper pun. its my own fault. aku mcm ni lar - careless.


router thang

i am not sure wats wrong wit the router - i do believe Casey dah set everythg for me smlm.. and the connection to the wireless is there - but i cannot surf, downloadin or even updatin my antivirus at all!! yg pelik nyer - the icon said 'connection strength xcellent' watever not.. at dis time - aku rasa hopeless sesgt.. let alone after numerous times godek sana godek sini, called the help-center pun - the person on the other side mcm 'dah tak tau nak wat pe' gtew.. aiyoo.. tak bley la bertenet tatkala dlm tandas katernyer.. mcm ni eh? calld Casey - tp aku tau dia tgh keje.. nak called KL center - aku rasa mcm tak nampak jalan jer.. perleww kah aku pack semula router neh n simpan bwh katil?


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

PJ - last day..

last day of the Tony Buzan thang.. we had dis group work and group presentation.. so aku teamed up wit abg aziz the lawyer, madam may the biz woman, siew ling the J&J fella, mr sri of.. erk - cant remember.. mr kc wanted us to do somethg about 'inflation'.. which is.. everyone of us like 'shait - wats got to do wit ur profession then' kinda thang.. back then - we took the challenge.. we cracked open our every each head (kepala atas, je precisely) and put it into mind mapping.. and it did miracle i am tellin u!! u never know how creative ur when u let yr idea flows out freely wit no inhibition.. wit no such structured thinkin. we had fun - laughin, sharin stories, ideas.. and we r like the most havoc group around - laughin out loud as if we r throwin series of fits.. makes mr kc kept on comin around seein us, doin the so-called checkin sama ada we r or not doin our own work.. and aroun 3.30pm - we started presenting.. i was assigned by the group to present the branch of 'effect of inflation' which i think (and i am proud of it) dat i've delivered pretty well.. i mean - all of us 5 delivered so well, and left no empty spaces for the others to ask q's.. hehe.. i got pics on dis - but too lazy nak upload now. laptop aku dah pack - everythg, indeed - for i am movin off real soon back to Ipoh. ni pun guna lappy Casey sajork..
after the bagi sijil session, after chomolot wit everybdy - i had dis urged to do the come-back to the Mid Valley. but aku rasa iman aku kuat enuff (kan?) - i ended up kat Digital Mall. perkhhh - again, aku sawan. all dis computer stuff r like - 'wah!!! ru sure dis is the price??' kinda thang.. and yeah - dun curse me.. i did spend some more.. aku got myself a bag galas for my lappy, a router for streamyx kat rumah.. and few 'original' software DVDs.. huhu.. byk lagik yg aku rasa mcm 'perlewwww' je.. tp aku try kuatkan iman aku - which works.. (bley?)
i am leavin soon. aku nak naik LRT je dr PJ neh ke Plaza Rakyat - tp Casey insisted to send me to there.. by all means, Mister Casey!! may God je balas yg jasa baik. hehehe..
bye bye PJ - Ipoh.. i am back!


woke up early morn - body a bit a aching.. frankly speakin - aku still had the urge to go back sambung the sleep, really. Casey dok leter2 aku naper bangun awal.. wldnt be sweet meh, bgun lambat2 kat rumah org.. kan? hehe

last day trainin.. wld be done by 5pm, mght be wanderin around waitin for Casey - go back home and off to Pudu (hate Pudu!! hate it.. hate it.. hate it..) and off aku balik ke Ipoh.. sekejap je plak rasanyer. hehehe.. i dun think i'll be ended up kat Mid Valley again - heh, kuaser aku. harews terbeli segala bagai lagik..

Monday, August 18, 2008

Tony Buzan thang 2nd pt.

my first mind mapping using Tony Buzan's method.. its about brain. i got a shiver when i enter the auditorium seein all dis colour pencils, colourin pen and such - trauma sgt kalo bab2 melukis segala bagai neh - it was sooooo not me..
dun laugh. dun even say a bloody word. i know tak der ruper brain pun lukisan iteww.. and my hand-writin? yeah - dats mine.
so wat?

lunch wit Mr KC Liu - the licensed traineer of Buzan's Method. i started to fall in love wit the crowd, really. professionals, everybdy started to 'open up the wrap' after the ice-breakin session.. Abg Aziz (we both r the only Malays!!) - he's a mid-age lawyer, yet so gila2 one.. yeah - gila2 one. not gila, occay.

my second brain mapping - its about right and left brain potentials.. i had dis believe both of the side had certain 'speciality', which turn out to be absurd. no such thg (katanyer).

after 5pm - aku catched a cab - str8 to Mid Valley. tiada maksud utk bercitcut (according to Firdaus si stdnt aku iteww).. tp sajer jenjalan - while waiting for Casey to pick me up.. and again - dammit!! sales meh.. aku ended up buyin 2 baju keje Seeds, AGAIN. dammit. but it was nice - so y bother.. erk.
aku had dis mkn2 since aku kebulur sgt.. had a burger and some bubur itam for coci molot.. aku eat like a horse..

p/s; hows the pic? huhu.. Canon meh!

the bill - pretty ok. but the burger - euw.. its a honey bbq. so mcm manis semcm je la plak.. i think a bit worst dr masak kat Kelantan.
but i was hungry back then!! i managed. haha

Tony Buzan thang - 1st pt.

Event; The Buzan Techniques - Mind Mapping and Creativity
Venue; UTAR, PJ
Date; 18 - 19/8.

the sign alrite.. showin me to the empty auditorium.. i din blame em. i was a damn early birdie!!

dis is the registration counter - by the time aku sampai.. the door was open wide, yet nobdy there, except makcik tukang cuci yg tak abes2 senyum kat aku.. till aku rasa mcm nak freakin out sajork.

wah!! sempat lagik katernyerr.. tak chanteQ, aku tau. sajer2 je tryin the new camera.. huhu.. nak jadik catwalk model, rendang sesgt.. mcm ni lar kesewdehannyer..
btw - see my head well. a bird? nah. a Superman? idiot!! its no hair, meh!!

thank God Casey asked me to bring dis one - i managed to 'bunuh the masa' so damn well.. flip flip thru dis nice mag, while cursin myself - why on earth i am ere!!

Mr KC Liu - the traineer.. very the very very the the energetic fella, wit lots of jokes and such.. everybody got eyes fixed on him.. and ears on him, too..

Sunday, August 17, 2008

snap snap pt. 2

all the pictures above aku amek kat rumah Casey neh - using mode pe ntah - aku taram je.. best plak main2 dgn camera neh.. hehe.. watyda think?

snap snap

coupla pics yg aku try amek dgn my new camera.. i dun know how they mght look like, but i like the precise details yg aku dpt wit it..

a) my hairy deer atas meja kat ofis aku.. b) smae one, meh.. c) and d) and e) - its me.. try to guna Am's nyer 'petua' if u wanna snap yr own idiotic looks.. i know i aint look like a model catwalk - but a model suardlm pun dah ok..

dat was when aku ada rambut - but now.. hehe

PJ - 1st day

reached Pudu around 12pm - i got a seat sebelah pakcik - kinda nice pakcik.. but i gez i had a tuff time all the way from Ipoh to KL - his breath. euw!! u know wat i mean. heavy smoker, chronic smoker i supposed.. i held my breath pretty much often so dat i wldnt puke off rite on the floor.. i did believe he wanted to break the ice n had sort of conversation wit me.. smiling and such. all dat i did was smiled back to him.. make a pretty nice face, stuffed up my ears wit the usual earphone - put on my mp3 player.. and off i dozed off. i do feel guilty coz i do think - mcm biadap la plak.. tp i was not in the mood to make nice.. or socialize. i jst want some of my space and - sleep, perhaps. and dats wat i did all the way from Ipoh to KL - sleepin. one thing about sleepin in the bus (which was i like it sooo much) - ur feelin as if ur in buaian sort of thang (i din remember how the feelin like - but i believe dat was the feelin alrite)..

who's dat guy in white anyway? hehe

Zik texted me up - he wanted to see me - for at least a drink. and i think - yeah, y not. its been ages since i last met him - 3 yrs, i think. he's a nice young guy.. sweet. charming. a good fren too.. doin his Law - final yr. so we met up in KL Sentral at Kenny Rogers - i ate like a horse. a real horse, shait. damn hungry!! and we do some talkin - only then i knew dat Zik was havin a tuff time all dis time. i felt guilty back then - for wasnt be there for time like dat.. but then - things happened. and he's doin.. i think he's doin pretty fine, tho i cld see he's still 'hoping' for some miracle.. i hope Zik will find wat he's lookin for - as i said; dis is life. its either 2 - u dump ppl or u got dump. and dat y i believe when in relationship - i gotta prepare to leave, before i was left behind.. sounds bad - but dats the way life is..

Pudu sucks big time!!

around 4pm somthg - i was back in Pudu to pick my luggage up. i hate Pudu. if i ever get some choices - God sake i dun wanna be ere indeed. it was so stuffed up, hot, the ventilation was so shait.. and the crowd was like.. geee.. byk Indon yg very scary looks.. i cant beleive dat i am in KL - in Malaysia to be precise.. lookin at dis crowd aku felt so insecure. in my own land. damn!!

around 5pm somethg - finally aku dgn berpeluh like bersawah padi nyer.. smapai jugak kat PJ.. Casey was alrdy there waiting to pick me up. thanks Casey - for offerin me for puttin up coupla days at yr sweet, cozy hozy place.. (see him at his he and his superb fountain.. i took my bath, got change - and terus sit infront of the idiotbox - nah, not idiotbox ere in Casey's. its tellytube indeed.. watchin the Olympic Live and at the same time - updating dis blog..

Sham (AmirDaib - pic sebelah neh) was online too.. 'meet' him up online. showed me around his new house - thru the cam.. wah!! pinkish all over. kinda nice indeed.. see him tellin tales about his new house in his i bet u'll fell for dis guy. hehe..

dah magrib. think i shld take a break, solat firts. my tummy is growling now - out for dinner soon.

i am wonderin wats for me trow.

and i am wonderin how's Aizat doin now.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

i got a new craze - i love dis Modanna's Incredible (of her new HardCandy album) single.. very catchy, kinda nice to move around wit..

and supringly enuff - dis Damia too - each time aku put it on.. she'll like movin he feet, hand, diapers, her arse and such to the tempo. my mum was like - 'eh, wats wrong wit her?'.. and it wasnt like once.. today je tp dah few times.. today je!

dis is wat i did ptg smlm - after like mcm nak giler thru all the modules.. aku decided to go for a jog and gym after dat..

and dis is wat i did eversince 3am dis morn - rite up to Subuh.. and after Subuh, aku bungkang rite up to 8am.. tu pun sebab lapar and alarm aku terjerit2 mcm nak runtuh rumah aku neh!! geram aku.

and ni aku skang - belakang meja stdy.. and the other side is meja menenet. its Saturday - time to pamper myself. huhu.. mak - ni anak mak, eh. bukan Russell Crowe ke, Brad Pitt pun bukan..
p/s; rileks mak - jgn muntah darah.. along faham! muahaha

Friday, August 15, 2008

gloomy nite - i gez its gonna rain anyway. and i do hope it'd be rainin down.. nothg much to say indeed - nah, i'd be lyin to myself - theres a damn lot to say; it jst dat - as usual - i dunno where to start..

i gez ppl change. everythg changes - tho u like it or not, tho ur ready for it or not.. and i do blve life is about adaptation. u know theres changes - u gotta adapt it well. the faster the better.. yet - dats my lacking.

enuff said. g'nite ppl!!
jst stayin back home. woke up at 9 after Subuh.. i did some readin around 3 to 5am dis mornin, and i cldnt help the spell of the bantal tilam selimut segala bagai at the bilik sebelah..

i hate thinkin about the journey to PJ/KL dis time around. thank God Casey is there - he said 'its ok', which i do hope it'll be kinda lite at the end of the tunnel katanyer..

Ajak called - ajak aku kuar bekpes.. isk - malasnyer.. aku dgn belum mandi, taik mata beselepet.. huarrkhh.. two options - nak smbg tido or bgun mandi n baca buku..

i bet the first one is 'kinkiest!'..

Thursday, August 14, 2008

i think i am in a deep shait now - i called most of the hotels in PJ - almost all of em r not available for the weekend up to Tuesday!! fcuk shait! i shldve done the reservation earlier - but how wld i know? i dun even know it is the school holiday dat coming..

God Lord - where am i goin to stay? i hardly know KL - let alone PJ.

fenin, fenin..

i was done wit paper MASM for the Sem2 stdnts.. and at the same time - aku dah started markin paper MACH - which was held last Tuesday - and dammit; aku geram sgt budak2 neh.. dorang asked for clues.. and i laid out some for em - wit the hope dat i was helpin themselves so dat they'll help emself in return.. but then - aku was helpin those yg never knew how to help emself.. and tak tau mcmaneh nak appreciate pun. the answers was disastrous.. aku btol2 headache, geram and rasa nak muntah tgk all those answers.. then again - aku gotta finish up doin dis markin thg before nxt wk - Mr Anwar awal2 lagik dah kuarkan surat arahan.. huwaaa.. bisa biol aku mcm neh.
ptg neh aku kena tlg Isma plak - jaga paper MABS. nyesal plak rasanya.. aku shld stay put in the room and finish up doin the markin thang. or worst to worst - balik rumah tido.. tak tahan dah fenin.. tp - since pg tadik aku dah gatal2 pi volunteer to her - gez i got no reason. tak best la, kan.
takin leave startin trow.. up to next Friday. esok lepak rumah, Ahad pi PJ sampai Tuesday.. Rabu to Fri. prepare for the papers..
and aku still merintih since t-shirt aku hilang.. gtew. rileks makcik - aku lawak sajork. huhuhuhuhu
wallaweyyy.. fenin nyer. rasa mcm nak tido.

its Thursday (and Friday, trow!)

grant me serenity
to accept the thgs i cannot change
the courage to change things i cannot acept
and the wisdom -
to hide the bodies of those people
i had to kill today
because they pissed me off
- and also
help me to be careful
of the toes i might step on today
as they -
mey be connected to the ass
that i might have to kiss tomorrow
and please -
always give me 100% at work
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Friday
and remind me, God -
when i am having a real bad day
and it seems like people are trying to piss me off
remember -
it takes 42 muscles to frown
yet only 4 muscles to extend my middle finger..
now - i shall get back to work.. i gez.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


reached home from kak ngah's place around 10pm.. aku totally exhausted, full - rasa mcm nak muntah balik jerr.. mak wld called me as 'tak sesnonoh' whenever i came out wit such idea. but she know - i wldnt do such thang.. but tonite - i do hav the urge to puke all out - wit an intention., of coz. hehehe.. no lah. wldnt do dat. sekali sekala eat like a horse - wldnt do any harm rite? yeah - another self defence mechanism.

i had a great time jst know - tho it was like a few hrs jerr.. mak was there. abah too. and all the mini-monsters.. ngah cooked me 'ikan uji rashid masak asam' and abg ngah wit his speciality - kari ayam wit potatos.. perkhh.. i was like throwin fits all over sekejap. sambal belacan, ikan kering.. wah!!! nope - i shldnt think all dat now. or i might go downstairs n punggah my fridge, again.

gotta work trow. i decided to complete my clinical teaching/visiting trow - so dat i dun hav to stay back in the office (tho i got tonnes to be done). but again - i am not kinda guy yg suka rancang2.. see lah trow how.

coupla thgs still hit my skull alrite. i hate to think it over, but i am just a plain Joe - and i cant help it, really. it jst dat - i believe in Karma. u get wat u giv. wat goes around - will always comes around. u hurt someone - one day u'll get hurt, too. and i am not kinda guy yg suka ungkit or doakan others somethg bad - Allah is up there. He knows better.

to think it back again - it was not worth of time aku spent on such ppl. aku shldve known better. aku was a idiot. and aku'll make sure i am goin to be a foolish - one time.

i jst wish dat i dun know u. really.


i aint in the rite mood, i gez. i've talked to Timb Pengarah - i am askin for half day off today. i am goin to stay back home - and goin thru my new baby PowerShot manual, may be. dis petang - i am headin to ngah's house for a dinner there - mak abah will be there too - and drive back home after dat.
i jst wish everybdy in dis whole fcukin world wld be more considerate about the consequences before sayin somethg, or even about to do somethg to someone else.. wld dat be too much to ask - put yrself in someone's shoes, re-think and re-considerate before jst blast off and hurt others in return? and after all the math - u come back and say sorry. as if there's nthg happened, at all. just like dat?
i just think dis wldnt be my great day, after all.
it hurts. really.

Monday, August 11, 2008


yeah - finally - i got wat i want. a camera. its Canon - PowerShot SX100 IS (black ), to be precise. Fotokem is havin sort of fair - so, aku tinggal ofis sekejap.. drove up to Jusco and yeah - i got it for quite 'ok-lah' kinda price.. tho the differences was not much, really. but then again - i dun giv it a heck - i got wat i want. and i gez - dats all dat matters.
sittin ere in the ofc room - wit the camera in my hand - dammit, i dun really know wat to do. goin thru the manual is so not me. and the manuals - mak ai, dua tiga.. mencik!! but i gez i hav to. or otherwise - i mght ended up bein a tikus dagn labu.. kalo tikus puteh cute iteww, tak pe jugak.
and yeah - aku singgah jap few boutiques, Padini Concepts and such. and again - aku secara 'tak sengaja' dan 'laur sedar' borong 3 - 4 baju, talipinggang and such. heh - am i sick? i know i shldnt do dis - but i did. and again - was it wrong? bukan aku tak pakai pun.. *sigh* another self-defence mechanism..
then again - it all worth it, really. great camera.. nice shirts, belt and a small bag of Padini.. wah! sale meh!! sale..
erm - jst wait the end of the month. i'll definately 'drive upstairs one'.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

gotta go.. nak iron baju and such - for trow.. huwaaa.. hate Monday!!

nitey nite, ppl.

Sunday rocks!

had a nice Sunday, indeed. woke up at 6am - never feel fresh like dis 4. nak kata tdo awal sgt smlm pun - i dun think i am. but again - i remember readin somewhere - there's a vast differences between 'cukup tido' and 'tido yg nyenyak'.. u know wat i mean, i think. around 7.15am - aku off to Pdg Polo - ppl alrdy cramped there.. ada yg joggin, brisk walkin, dating, dress to kill (yet do nothg) and a lot more.. takin about goin to such park - and dressin to kill.. isk, tak faham la aku.. especially the leadies. dengan make up yg 'nauzubillah', baju yg like very the colourfool.. eh - ni nak pi shoppin complex ke, nak bersenam? again - aku very the tak faham.. lookin at me (tho i aint a gal), aku jst wore a plain lite grey round-neck shirt, deep grey track-bottom and a black Nike cap. cant imagine i am wearin all those non-necessary gears - to a public park like dis.. euw!

after jog+erobik for about 2hrs, aku blah balik rumah - and had my nasik lemak as a break fast (bley?).. ended up wit a guilty feelin.. senam mcm nak mampus, then senang2 mkn nasik lemak la plak.. but then - bukan selalu pun. tak salah rite? its not like the end of the pun pun.. *sigh* wat a self-defense mechanism is dat.

Soleh called me up - dammit - semata2 nak tunjuk kat aku yg dia dah beli hp baru. heh.. ngah too called me up - i mght be goin there Selasa ptg ni - for a dinner. for a dinner? of 2hrs drive? ermm.. mcm tak berbaloi jer..

gotta iron my shirts and such - sort out thgs for trow. Monday - hell yeah! i hate Monday. and who likes Monday, anyway? (i know some ppl do - but it is for real? pls laa..).

Saturday, August 9, 2008


i was online for a while - killin time when finally i login my YM!.. i saw coupla frens there - incldg dis gal of 'female-unknown-identity'.. we had a chat for a while, when suddenly she went off w/o sayin anythg at all - back then she told me 'bateri laptop flat.. *sigh*.. i was jst about to hav a good, nice chat. and yeah - a fren of mine too - Aizat. was there. then for a while. then off he goes. i knew he's a bz man now. at least - i get the chance knowin how thgs for him, now.

goin to hit my crib now. gotta wake up early trow morn - tho i know its Sunday.

nice dreamin, eh.. nite.

simple Saturday. woke up around 9.30am (i did Subuh, alrite!) and off to the gym. nobdy there - so i managed to do wat i shld do.. got back around noon after lunch and all dat - went to Sri Malaysia; jumpak ma and pa sekejap (kak yang's mother & father in laws) since dorg bawak one big box from kak yang and husband in UK for mak.. so - aku le jadik mangsa kena pick up the thg and shall bring it back to mak abah..

home around 2pm, online sekejap and off i had a great nap.. bangun Asar, aku went for a gym and jog after dat.. now finally i am home - feel like goin out. but i jst dun know where and wat for.. i shall go down and catch watever it is on the idiotbox, i think. too much of cyberworld wld do harm, i believe.

cant wait for trow. another lazy day, indeed.

Friday, August 8, 2008

kinda sleepy. yet its still early. and y shld i giv it a damn anyway? think i shall crawl up onto my cozy bed..

gnite, ppl! nice weekend ya.

nitey nite..

public speakin!! gross.

i was called for a public speakin dis mornin during the assembly - infront of like four hundreds students - incldg basic and post-basic. i hate doin dis really - i got no problem in deliverin speech or talk infront of thousand unfamiliar faces (wah!!) or givin talk to my own students in hall. but to do dat infront of ppl like dis.. duhh!
so - i rememberin dis - ad-hoc, impromptu ideas.. or watever it is - yg cross my mind. dis is wat i rememberin mumblin infront of em;
"..everybdy knows who Thomas Edison is, rite? while i am not so sure whether its true or not - its been said dat Thomas Edison tried at least 10,000 different ways to invent the lite bulb.. it was up to the point when one of his freinds reportedly asked him something like dis.., "so u've tried 9,999 times to produce dis lite bulb.. y dun u give up?" to which he responded wit somethg like dis.., "i've jst discovered 9,999 ways not to produce lite. i'm on the home stretch!"
so wadya think my point is? think about dis -
  1. if ur onto somethg good.. just dun stop. dun throw it away. and dun even think of givin up!
  2. dun let the world nor failure define who ur
  3. ur only a failure when u fail to try!!
  4. each of us r unique ourselves.. and each of us has somethg unique to giv back to the world..
  5. it doesnt matter if ur broke and u only got 2 nickels to rub together - dun let money define who ur
  6. it doesnt matter u were betrayed - jst dun let betrayal define who ur..
  7. and its ok if he/she said, "i dun love u anymore.." - coz, does it matters?

i am on of a kind. and so are u. we r all one of a kind - by God!! as long as ur still breathin breath, u've got to hav a reason to be ere..

coz dats wat define u, anyway!!.."

i got a good applause from the stdnts, lecturers and all. i was a bit mcm nak pitam - but towards the end - aku rasa mcm wldnt let the mic go. hahaha

and the best part of it - Pengarah did tell me.. "good speech, Shah!!.. lain kali bley buat lagik."


tak der keje..


i gez some hairs alrdy there..

yeah - indeed..


..and i feel mcm dah bosan ada rambut lak skang.. sabar.. sabar..

nurul aqilah damia'

while she was like.. 2 moths old.

5 months.

7 months, if i am not mistaken..

right on the dot - she was 10 months old now.. on her b'day.

she knows how to pose!! she's 10 months 10 days.. while on eatin out.

nurul aqilah damia - shes so cute n easily get along wit others, damn well. kinda proud to hav her around.. she managed to make me smile whenever i dun feel like to. and she managed to put her special spell on everybody - wit her smiles n such - makin her more loveable, kissable and hugable..

tho i am still lookin for the meanin of life - every now and then - dis lil gal never fail to make me feel and bein more grateful to be able breathin more breath each minute in time..

Thursday, August 7, 2008


i had a good laugh readin one of the statement came from someone in the chatbox (on yr right side of the screen) - askin me like.. 'ru like.. gay?'. gross!! does it matters? well - kinda funny. cant believed bein asked sucha lame question tho. i hope he/she's not someone yg aku secara tak sengaja/sengaja disturb her/his arsehole anyway. hahaha..
erk - did i? no? then shut up.
..thanks for nothing
i never knew enough about you babe
and i guess i only have myself to blame now
i'm broken hearted and shattering
you were just playing a game
nothing anyone can do to convince me babe
i was living in a lie, just a masquerade
now i only know that ill never be the same
but you were just playing a game ..

Wednesday, August 6, 2008


done all the work (it was like never really done, for sure) in the ofc around 5.30pm when Nasree - i saw him wanderin about in the ofc - lookin for Mr Adnan.. i was the informed that they'll be havin dis Adobe Photoshop class - held by the student, for the students. sounds pretty nice - so i decided to join em all - sittin rite infront of the hall - learnin thgs i wanna learn all dis while. i got books on Adobe Photoshop alrite - but i am tellin u; readin books n learnin thgs face to face wit those who r xprt r two bloody different thgs.. so i got the whole 1.5hrs all to myself.. messin around, tryin new thgs wit Adobe. it was so fucktastic. really! i swear to God - i am goin to do dis again - joinin the class again next week for sure. and for a while - i forgot my gym. my jog.. and around 7.15pm - i was home - rite from the office.

went to the Tesco jst now - had my tosai for dinner in Nasi Kandar Kayu. instead of 'garing nyer tosai' - the mamak gav me 'hangus nyer tosai'. i was pissed off alrite - i made the mamak made me a new one. and i successed. padan muka. tak reti2 nak jaga costumer..

buy few thgs - ended up buyin more than i need instead. walkin passed Fotokem - aku stumbled into Canon Powershot 100 SX I somethg.. wah!! meleleh jap air liur.. i am gonna get it, God sake. i swear i am goin to get it, real soon..

sleepy now. shld hit the crib alrite.

nitey nite, ppl!!

learnin a lesson.

i learnt a lesson well today - sometimes our good intention mght be as well wrongly interpret - makin a sweet thang turned sour. and it really scares me like shait. may be i shld keep my mouth shut each time i see ppl (or even ppl dat closed to me) r in the cloud nine - or happy. or in even a good condition. tho ur so-called 'niat' is good even - ppl can easily think on the other way around - sayin ur so-called havin a green eye over them and such - which mght hurts u in return. may be i shld jst stay away from the whole thang. or pretendin dat i do care - but then - go fuck urself. or may be.. i dunno. being nice pun susah. jadik jahat lagik la org benci.
i was thinkin - is it wrong to be nice to others? y do we hav to think negatively anyway?
i jst dun understand. really.

wat a morn!

i gez i woke up by the wrong side of the bed. my head is a bit of dizzy - i hardly sleep well last nite; even after spankin my monkey well (huhu..).
and makin it worst - i gotta be there in SMKTR for a talk regardin health and young generation. i really feel like i wanna giv em a call and cancel it off. bley?

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

nitey nite!

i was rite infront of the idiotbox jst now - killin time, doin the channel surfin when i stumbled into dis ntv7 (if i was not mistaken) - Oprah's Big Five Show or somethg.. citer about how ppl went all out to help other ppl.. kinda nice. and touchin too. it makes me feel like cryin. but i wasnt, anyway.. too well-scripted to be cried over.. but over all - it was kinda nice show. i was started to compare it wit the so-called 'must cry one' or 'watch-it-and-if-ur-not-cryin-then-ur-an-idiot' (really? *puke*) Bersamamu of TV3. and it makes me smile. why? u ask yrself. hehe..

i am tryin to imagine wat is Aizat up to now.. must be enjoyin himself. ye lah - so deeply-dy in love katernyerrr.. its ok lah. he's cravin for one all dis while. and he's wishin for one, too. so he deserve to enjoy every bit of it, alrite.

and as for me - i wanna hit the crib now. i know its like 10p.30m - yet i dun giv it a fuck. i got a big agenda to run trow.. and classes to run too. kinda sucks - but its ok. i gez life's like dat. u never know how good it is until u lost it, i suppose. and before i lost any of it (God sake - i am not prayin for it anyway) i wanna jst go out there n do thgs the very best i can - tho i mght hate it; i wanna look at the bright side of it.. and fuck it off - i wanna enjoy it, too.

yeah - enjoy it, too.

*sigh* i mean - enjoy wat?



i left my hp in the office (thg yg aku rarely done) today while in the lecture hall - found out dat aku received coupla missed calls and few text msges. it was incldg few from Aizat. heh - i was wonderin - wat the heck? y on earth he's callin me? after all the curse. after all the shait he said to me? after all the-so-called joke yg.. eh, funny ke? kinda thang.. but when i read his msg sayin 'ur still my fren, rite?'.. aku decided to giv him a buzz - for the sake out of it. and yeah - he was jokin again (all dis while, as usual.. fuck!). and we talked for a while. he never fail to amuse me each time i chatted wit him. the slumber in him - makes me threw fits all the time, laughin like nobdy biz. and gez wat - he wanted to share a thang wit me.. which i was like.. owh, ok. haha..
so Aizat - ur back on the track. ur in love again! i mean - again!! i am happy for u. u mght say dat i am pretentious and sounds pretty cynical - be it lah watever it is.. but fuck it - i mean it hell yeah.. i am soooo happy for u. as a fren, i know hell u've been thru before. and i know the thick and thin, too. i gez - a good person like u, deserve a good ones too.. an di do hope - dis will last long. at least - longer. perhaps.. oppsss.
enjoy the good time when its around. make sure u tell the other half dat ur really in love - so dat one day; u'll never drown in regret for not be able of tellin so. and take care of each other well.. never, ever let anybdy at all come in between u ppl..
and yeah - dun forget yr fren, too.
yeah, rite.

Monday, August 4, 2008


jst reached home - locked myself in the washroom for a while - came out wit 'i cldnt asked for more' kinda feelin; feelin fresh, God sake. i had dis achin over my both arms - i cldve been concentratin more on doin my arms in the gym - i think. shldnt do it again trow.

nothg on the idiotbox. and nothg in the fridge as well. as if askin me to do the outin for a simple dinner tonite - tho deep down inside; i am so fuckin lazy to do so.

well - dun hav the choice, i think. ttho i mght not be takin dinner for quite sometime.. but tonite - kill me for dis - i am starving!

Moving Mountains

by Usher

now, now she love me, shawty I love her
used to jump up in the maybach and roll out
used to care, she used to share
the love that she used to give me can't be found
I lost my way, she said she'd stay
and lately I've been sleeping with a ghost
my stock is down and out, I used to be with my weight and goals.
that was before a great depression kicked in and rocked us
and that was before a huricane came in and stopped us.
i told you to leave, but you lied to me
when you said that, baby - no worries I promise to get us back
i know sorries, just would'nt do it,
my heart is obliterated, I'm trying, I'm trying my boo
but it's like moving mountains..
it's like moving mountains..
but I keep climbing and hoping things would change
and the sky turns grey, and the water from the rain, washes progress away
it's like moving mountains..
it's like moving mountains..
why you just leave me
just leave me
just leave me..


finally - Fazelah and Azyan r leavin the whole group of 22; which is at time bein under my supervision. and so-forth wit Kennedy and Fadzlee Tohit. the two gals came n see me dis mornin - left me speechless, not knowin wat i shld and wat shldnt say - i was really fuckin speechless, seein em both sittin rite in front of me. i was fightin wit my tots - i got coupla words to say, for at least to bring their spirit back on the track; but unfortunately, i wasnt dat strong to utter such words.. and now - i feel so damn fuckin bad, for i din say thgs i shld say - not knowin if i ever see em again, in my whole damn life.
Ila, Yan - if u ever read dis; trust me - u both wld always be in ere in my heart. i am not sure wat to tell u - for i've been tellin u ppl so many thgs, wats to and wats not - i bet ur big enuff to be lectured wit kinda values n such. and trust me - dis aint the end of yr life.. i bet there's so many thgs out there waitin for u both to explore. and i pray to God may all yr dreams, and all yr wishes may come true. who knows - u both will be makin a comeback in ere - soon.
i will definately missin u two. and i know - Nurul Aqilah Damia will truely do the same, too.

Monday yeah!!

it was fine when i woke up around 5am dis mornin - it was kinda hot, and i makes me cant help myself to get soaked in the bathroom for quite a long time. Subuh as usual, a bit of Oats and a mug of Nescafe - i was ready to go when suddenly the wind started to blow like nbdy biz., and its started to rain.. and in a glimpse time - it was then a rainin and a gloomy mornin..
reached the ofc around 7am - got coupla mails an memos dpn bilik aku - yeap; bills, magazines, dis and dat. i remember leavin the ofc last Friday - (after punchin in) around 9am just becoz i felt so lazy, fatigue physical and mentally - headed home n had a great sleep till ptg. and by the evenin - i was at kampung - spendin my weekend wit my whole family, mini-monsters and such.. had a great ones, indeed. and last Sunday - i gotta be in Ipoh early in the morn since aku kena deliver a ceramah about Pengurusan Kesihatan in one of the health center.. i hate doin it on the weekend - but it was like - do i hav any choice - to choose, perhaps?
a brand new Monday, for a brand new month. looki up to my schedule - i got tonnes thgs to do and to be done.. i gotta be there in UTAR in Petaling Jaya (God sake i dun even know where the hell it is..) for a Tony Buzan Mind Mapping Technique from 16 to 19 dis August.. coupla formatives to run, question not even ready yet, clinical visitin/teachin most of the days in every weeks.. heh. belum pe2 lagik - aku dah rasa mcm nak pitam.
lookin back - i feel i jst wanna be there in kg., wit my family and all. somehow - i started to feel dis place isnt the place where i belong..