Thursday, July 17, 2008

mixed feelin


had a terrific stress-buster yesterday.. after done wit my clinical visitin/teachin in various clinics around Perak Tengah - Ulu Dedap (yeah - ulu it is!), Changkat Lada, Hosp. Changkat Melintang and Parit - aku terus shoot back to Ipoh.. i refused to be home as yet - kinda early still. and i decided to skip the gym - for i had dis urged kickin in inside my rib cage (katernyer..) - its been a while after aku really do some shoppin. and yeah - dat is wat i did ptg semlm; spendin for about 3 hrs in Jaya Jusco Kinta.. dr 4 rite to 7pm! a stress-buster alrite. aku spent kinda sum of money - and God sake, no regret pls. yeah - i do hope so. no regret. dis shld be a stress-buster, rite? i dun wanna add more bullshit, really. hehe.. but really - aku puas ati wit wat i bought semlm.. 7 helai baju keje, 3 helai suar keje, 1 psg kasut keje (yeah! i am wearin it now! huhu..), and my mnthly vitamins, toiletries and few some aother thgs.. aku nampak all the amois sibuk2 punggah kotak segala bagai - and aku realized esok (i mean - today!) is a JJ Card Member Day kinda thang. huwaaa.. heh - be it. samer je. aku tak mo sakit2 kaki mcm CC pusing2, rebut2 and tarik2 rambut beli barang nanti.. furthermore - JJ Card aku dah ntah biler2nyer expired.. idak plak aku check.

i think i am alrite - rite until when these 4 students yg aku jaga (for 2mnths only) dtg jumpak aku.. they again failed in one to two papers (after re-sit paper last week). i lost words. i jst dunno wat to say. or do indeed. more of the time - i mean, in dis case, the stdnt will be 'sending' home and followed by termination nyer letter.. they wont be able to further up, unless rayuan dorg dipertimbangkan. i went to the class - and dat was then biler it blew up my whole top; aku terdgr some voices from with-in the group (bila aku tny where's the 4 ppl yg failed tu); sayin dat 'dorang dah balik kg..', 'dorang tgh pack barang..' and such - which really pissed me of. i cant believe they r sayin dat! their own frens from their own group drop dead on the faces - cldnt get the chance to further up - and dis boys r makin fun of it!! i feel so angry. so sad - for they din hav any respect. let alone some empathy inside.

for Azyan, Fazelah, Fadley Tohit and Kennedy - dis aint the end of the road. i mean - dis aint the end of the life, either. if u remember wat i told the whole class about usaha, doa dan takdir - u'll definately understand the whole situation. i know u ppl r so damn sad - but i believe there's sort of hikmah at the back of all dis. dun lose hope. u never know how it feels like to be at the top, when u dun even know how it feels like to fail. and to sukses in life - one has to go thru all bulshait first. dis might not yr future. but i know - theres so many chances out there for u to explore.

its hurt. really.


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