raining + sleeping = ?

Reached in ere around noon. It was raining all the way. All day. I was in bed eversince then. Nothg much. And yeah.. the meals too. It is jst the first day, and i am started to feel i am bloating like nbdy biz. I feel so weak for golek-ing way too much. Nyesal tak byk lappy, rasa 'disconnected' sgt. And its raining, still. Aiyoo, buhsan sgt2. And the idea of 'good boi mode activated'.. agrkhh.

thru the rain..

will be having a short break for the weekend. i am driving off thru the rain (mcm Mariah Carey je eh?) and will be back by Sunday nite - ETA ere before Subuh la kot, for i gotta work next coming Monday.


u ppl hav a great weekend too, eh. and do take care.


chiao.

..

I am not sure how to conclude today. It started alrite, but towards the end, it aint so. The travelling left me mentally fatigue. I hate to think things, but it keeps coming back - hitting my skull now and then. I dun knw wats left to say. And to think. Or do. I shall leave it as is. I aint scared. A bit of sad. And i feel numb..

*yawn*

a day to go, before TGIF. but i gez i am already there. tell me sthg - am i burning out of wat? heh. and does dat makes any different? let me provide u the answer - the answer is 'no!'. its still the same. it is gonna be the same.


as for today - i gotta all out for the Buku Program utk Kursus Induksi nanti. i got no choice. Mr Bong wants me to come out wit one, and dats wat i am gonna do. tho deep down aku still rasa bengkek giler dgn Amed - lantak la.. dis is ur day. hav u heard thgs called 'KARMA'? heh. i trully believe in one. so - i gez i shld tone down, stay focus, and do thgs as it is.. senang. abes citer.


cant really sleep, again - last nite. i hit the crib early last nite, i think around 10pm aku alrdy in the MuMuLand.. but by 1am sthg - aku tersedar. and the story went off as usual. i wondering down stairs, in and out the bed like shait, forcing my eyes to shut the hell off.. finally layan FB je. and ended up aku tertido balik - ntah, cant really remember at wat time.. sedar2 org dah azan Subuh.


shall try to finish up thgs as early and as fast as i can. gotta travel up today. and gotta be back before 6pm. aku hav to. and aku cannot afford to re-schedule the TCA, anymore.


u hav a gr8 day, ppl. see u around.

off the pantang!

1/4 pinggan of nasik
wit byk lauk, and byk sayur..
healthy, kan?

and dammit; aku langgar 'pantang' ari neh.. supposedly aku jst had like 2 keping chapati for my regular brunch/late breakfast like usual.. tp pg neh - aku smpai je kedai akak bwh pokok tu.. lauk2 utk lunch dah siap. aand aku saw dis masak lemak labu plus kobis yg happened to be my freakin fav.. and terus aku buta2 je order nasik. it aint a big deal pun - since aku order nasik laik 'separuh dr separuh pinggan' leaving makcik tu ckp like 'cukup ke Shah, suku pinggan je neh?' kuat2 dpn org2 lain. heh. terkulat2 jap aku tersenggih.. aku need to explain pun, so aku diam2 je and senyum ceduk sayur and a bit of ati ayam goreng kunyit! God Lord - kirakan aku berapa jumlah kalori sumer neh? matilerrrrmelk. heh. aku tau it aint a big deal pun, nak makan - makan je lar! pe gado2? but the point is - dah 5 ari aku tak mkn nasik and aku breathing well je.. all dis while aku ratah sayur mcm kambeng and ratah lauk now and then.. and today - dangggg!! aku makan nasik! heh. cemaneh?


jenuh la aku berlari extra miles, extra time on the treadmills nanti.

there's no 'mkn nasik' in dis book,
to stay fit.

and gez wat? accidentally - aku terjumpak dis book on my study table, jst now. i remember i put there like coupla days back, sajer je nak khatamkan sekali lagik.. and seein it, ahain today - making me lagik mcm.. argkhhh!!


and gez wat? i brought the above book to the office now, so dat aku bley abeskan.. like, ptg ni jugak? heh.

oink!

stay back in the office
and u'll get fat.

aku wonder where all the lecturers went. ofis neh mcm sejuk sgt.. dgr mp3 aku je. kinda boring. i mean - hell boring yeah. aku aku nampak betol2 sibuk - Mr Ismail je dgn talk on Pengenalan HSR, Mr Bong yg dok ber-ketwok up and down. yg lain2.. heh, kucing tadak tikus berlari2 anak, kah? errmmm.. u think i am gonna stay put, jst like dat? proposal Kursus pengenalan MS Word 2007 utk PRA dah settled, tentative program dah settled, slides utk talk on Motivation coming 3/12 dah settled.. pe lagik eh?



shld i head the gym.. like now? errmm..

mid of the week, alrite!

typical Wednesday. shldve be in Kampar/Batu Gajah again today - but aku re-scheduled. and aku shldve be up above in Penang; re-scheduled. again. havin sort of meeting at 2pm yg aku cant afford to excuse myself.. Mr Bong called me up early in the morn. - he wants me to be there in Bota for a talk on CPR and Choking Management to like hundreds of budak2 pengakap.. and gez wat? aku managed to excuse myself, thank God. i dun feel like doin anythg at all for dis coupla days to come. at least up till end of the month. budak2 started go around lookin for HSR (research) supervisor - accordingly to the scope given. aku as usual - will be supervising those yg buat on Psikiatri/Kesihatan Mental. but then - budak2 neh main 'chop' je, w/o knowing wat scope/title to work on. and aku had like 12 org yg dtg jumpak aku - wanted me to be their supervisor. heh. giler aper? ramai weh! so aku perambat sekor2 balik dulu, fikir nak buat tajuk/skop kajian pe.. and then decide nak which lecturer.


aku mght be involve wit Induksi, by next week. mau tak mau - i hav to. its gonna be me, Farina, KF and Rod. Amed yg patut handle the whole crap.. tp nak pi umrah plak. aku actually tak kisah la nak pi umrah ka, al-haj ka, apa ka.. tp keje settle la dulu. howdya expect u wld be doin umrah peacefully when ur work inere - berlonggok2 tak settle, tak buat pe pun, last2 org yg tak berkaitan yg kena buat kan? aku geram, marah, sakit ati pun ada. jst dat ur bein treated like ur a blue-eye-boi of the big boss - doesnt mean u can be doin anythg at all, at ur freakin ease. so - mmg tak la.. pg2 lagik Amed dah kena sembur dgn aku.. i need to let go. sorry la Amed. ko kwn aku, alrite. w'pun tak kamcheng mana.. tp when it comes to work - aku tak suka mcm neh. jenis nak senang sorg2, susah lps kat org. mcm gampang.


aku mula rasa serabut plak dgn rambut2 aku yg tak la panjang mana neh. i wanted to keep it for a while - and i gez i'll hold on the word la kot.. tgk la, kuat mana iman aku neh. and i wanted to hav it up there, kalo btol2 nak botak balik pun - wit a reason. such as - biar dah 'mula gugur' nanti.. not naturally. but.. ermm. then again - aku tensen je tgk mamat2 kepala botak. rindu arrr! heh.

..

if theres a day when thgs r not up to ur expectation; making u feel so damn freakin hopeless, helpless and so debilitated - not knowin wat to do or how to put thgs in its own way.. aku gez today is the day. it started badly for me dat i forced myself to go to work, only to find dat i wasnt belong to the office like aku always do. i ended up doin the same thang.. again and again. i dun feel like telling tales in ere. nobody wants to know bad thgs. ppl enjoy knowin thgs dat wld makes them happy. and i gez dis is the time when u know who really do cares about u. but its ok. i gez dats the way life is. and it wasnt good enuff for a guy like me who needed some kinda good thang to build up proper spirit to carry on wit life - talking shait, telling sad thgs. but then again - keepin it inside - i know it aint good. i need to let it out. but.. i jst dun know how.


theres so many thgs yet to be done. may be i shld taking thgs as it is. as it comes. may be i shld be living life as it is.. enjoy every bit of it up to the maximum; wit ppl dat i love around me.


i feel like taking a break. i wanna see more beaches. the white sand. the seas. the breeze. i wanna go highlands more, if i hav the chance of doin so. i wanna spend more time wit those who cares, wit those i care the most. i want to finish up thgs i've been doin. for at least, i will be havin no regrets later.


the pain is unbearable. sometimes, i see less. glares.


Ya Allah. gimme strength. dats all i need.

shut up (and train!)

Every day u train is judgment day. Each rap, each plate matters. U dun make time for talk. Cheap sweet talk. All u care about is movin weight. Nthg else. Dis is hardcore. Dis is animal. Dis is real deal. Can u handle dis? Wah!! *heh*

Kellies Castle.

Done wit Kampar, aku otw to Batu Gajah now. In A&E Kampar, a case came in - 65yo mly man wit cardiac arrest for resus. Aku get arnd givin hands to the staffs wit tubing, CPR and such, yet failed. Kinda sad, but dats the fact. Done wit dat clinical thang, aku get together wit the stdnts. Apparently they r kinda 'shocked', they've learn theories and such but yet to see such thang wit their own eyes. And seing me being an adrenaline junkie at work was way different i bet, rather than seeing me standin infrnt of em all in the lecture hall, all dis while.. But the patient passed away. Damn. Here i am at Kellies Castle, taking a break for a while. I nvr missed a chance to stop by, to see dis huge 'half-baked' castle; built up by an Englishman for his wife, wit the hope one day the beloved wife wld be able to stay in it. But the wife died for s'kinda pandemic there in her English land, the husbnd went bck there, and nvr came bck in ere. I dun knw. Dats wat i knw. Typical love Shah Jehan - Mumtaz thgie. But the building is still ere. Stand tall. Wit love in it. Loneliness. And spooky, too. Left me wondering, again. Wit so many thgs in my head. Heh.