it was a long day today, yet a good one. supposedly tak de mender sgt on the schedule, but then again - ko never knw, some stuffs some shytes mght just come up at the front door and need some attention. so pg2, aku turun Unit Penilaian & Peperiksaan - basically aku nye ofc lah. since semlm kelas 8 to 5 and aku tak sempat tunjuk muka pun - and Puan Beatrice the boss siap cari aku dlm group WhatsAll like "mana Shah, tak nmpk pun ari ni? ru working?". kah!
so aku tlg Ijat invigilate paper bdk2 dia. since he's alone. SEQ, 2 q's, 30mins. easy peasy. by 930am, settled. aku terus ke ward for clinical teaching. mggu lps tak sempat nak tgk bdk2 neh kat klinikal since cuti Aidil Adha and such. lepak2 jap dgn bdk2, bedside teaching, discussed on Mental State Examination, Psychiatric History Taking, and i am done. 1pm smpai ofc, aku baru teringat Hidayah mtk cover class dia at 2pm. till 5pm.
mula2 aku mcm malas. tp kesian plak aku tgk dia.. a pregnant lady wit a big tummy and all.
so, class at 2pm. i made it santai since kelas ptg - sape je suka kelas ptg? dammit, i hate it too. ofkoz aku bley deliver, tp classroom management agak jenuh tambah2 lagi kalo tajuk ko a bit dry, factual wit full of theory shyte. i promised to the stndts yg aku akan ended up the class by 4pm, and ofkoz - dorg suka lah kan. emm. so 4pm, i called it a day and shooo-ed em all balik.
it was about 5 bila aku dah siap nak balik when a gal came to see me. she asked me if i wanna leave, and she told me she needed some of my time. i was like.. alaa dah 5pm. aku nak balik. hahahaha and i told her, "sure. i can spare some time". aku noticed her in my class. dlm ramai2 tu, she's a bit different. maksud aku, in a good way. she looks like she got a world to share wit everybdy, but somethg is holding her back. dia selalu tnya aku mcm2 dlm kelas, on lots of thg. thgs yg bdk2 sebaya dia never thinks of. and yes, jst like aku fikir - she came from a broken fmly. wit discords. dia ada adik beradik but they have parted away. she grew up in the surrounding yg lain dr bdk2 lain, she hardly talks to anyone at all. she wanted to hav frens, she jst dun knw how. other gals told her dat shes weird, and most of them took her for granted. and dat hurts her much. she wanted to be heard, and she had sort of expectation in others - she wonders knp org tak fhm dia, knp org tak suka dia and such. she longs for a bestfrens, but shes scared of being hurt, again.
i sat there for about an hour, i said nothg at all. kdg2 aku tnya soalan jst to clear shyte out, she cried a bit now and then. and finally, she asked me y on earth i said nothg? and is she or not crazy wit all the thgs she told me. she asked me for some words, and aku decided it is not goin to be kaunseling much - perhaps a guidance session wld be appropriate.
i told her to be easy wit expectation. i told her dats the way life is - we gotta learn to anticipate wit shyte in life. and i told her dat i believe in when we fall in love, when we get closed to someone - we gotta make sure dat we were be ready to leave. we talked about how to not drowning in self-hatred, over analyzing, being so critical wit self, how to go easy wit diri sendiri, how to love urself first sblm bljr to syg org lain and such. and yes, we talked about expectations in life.
at the end of the session/conversation, she told me like "sir, ur such a good person. i am sure u knw dat well". i was stunned. seriously. it was good to hear dat. i mean, for the first time, someone said dat to me alrite. and aku jst senyum and said thanks.
and she walked off.
aku drove back, smiling to myself. it was a long day, yet it is a good one. those kinda words made my day, it is a feeling aku tak tau nak ckp mcmana. all i knw dis is the thg yg buat aku love wat i am doin now. i mght not hav all the power, kuasa, jawatan besar and all - but it was good enuff to at least help dis ppl yg in need.
it makes me feel dat i wanna do dis, as long as i can. for the satisfaction is beyond word.