Sunday, March 5, 2017

..







u dun keep telling sucha shyte again and again. u dun keep telling the world ppl's mistakes as if ur covering urs. wat ru tryin to prove? dat ur smart enuff amd others r numbskull? say it clear, say it wise. once for all. if someone says he/she wanted to change for betterment, giv him/her a shot. a chance. enuff tellin shyte once, coz if u dun - better off no chance given at the first place.


find somethg new to talk about. start a brand new. u dun keep asking how, why again and again. coz if u keep wanting to do so - u shld not think of givin a chance, at the first place. put ur fuckin self in his/her shoes, and taste the shyte urself. 


u feel good? does it taste good? u think ppl wanna do shyte jst like dat, and if he/she regrets it, u cld jst go on again and again play those issues on for ages, like a broken record?


i believe in chances. i believe in keepin other's morality intact, to keep urs well as well. i believe in givin up, when u cant see any greener pastures left. 


but then again, fuck off wit wat i believe, coz it doesnt matter. u'll go sayin 'ur the one to blame in here, suits u well', 'it is ur fault, take it as it is!', i knw.





i said enuff.









Monday, February 27, 2017

wat if?





Image result for what if black and white





wat do u say when they say they r fine? wat is left when it all goes wrong? wat can u do to make it all better? 


wat will happen if it all goes to hell?


so wat do u hav to worry about? see ur answer above. 


---


alrdy in INTAN Wilayah Tengah, or INTENGAH. as usual, nthg much in here. but i gez i will enjoy the nthgness so dat i will get the chance to hav a look into myself, and thgs to do next. 


Putrajaya is a nay. KSKB JB? i yet to tell. but i gez i will go to where i'd be appreciated, needed. stayin put in the same place for a long time, cld be toxic, sometime.





..







Image result for flame black and white






"the hardest thg u ever do, will be not doing sthg".



---


dis is true for me.


i'be been ignoring him/her the last coupla days bcoz it is the only thg i knw. i've always ran bcoz i never learned to stay, and talk about thgs. i knw it well. call me coward, and i dun giv a fcuk. everybdy always left me, dat is how i learned it.


not confronting him/her is hard. and i am not goin to use ur advice, even tho it is true.


i am not goin to blame anyone else, tho i knw he/she will always did. i rather put thgs on myself, and get fcuk up. i am jst too stubborn for my own good.


but thanks anyway.


---


hav a good day ahead. leaving town again, for a week. i will see u, when i see u.
u take care.






Sunday, February 26, 2017

#goodnyte.







Image result for night black and white






if u can do nthg else, then tell the truth.



say, 'i dun knw who i was before now, and i dun knw who i will be trow'. say, 'there r thgs about me u'll never fix, and it is not ur job to fix me. take me or leave me alone'. say, 'i feel thgs i dun knw how to feel'.



say, 'we can be anythg, but we cant be everythg'. say, 'i can do nthg else, dis is me - and dis is all there is'.


and if anyone stays wit u, after u hav told them dat - stay wit them. 


as long as they'll hav u. 
and as long as they want u.



#goodnyte.





Monday, February 20, 2017

strangers.




Image result for waiting





everyone talks about love at first sight, like most of the time - but not once has some well-meaning soul turned to me and said other wise.

like, "do u knw how many years it takes to become strangers,again?".


sigh.


Wednesday, February 15, 2017

..







Image result for hurt black and white





i am kept awake not only by the ppl dat i hurt, whether on purpose or accidentally, i am kept awake by everyone i hurt unknowingly - who might still be hurt.


dis is the hardest thg - u can never knw how many ppl u hurt, jst by being u.






Sunday, September 11, 2016

walked off.












6 years, and it means a lot to u. but now, it leaves u wit dat numb kinda feelin and nthg else. u hav no regret, but u keep wishing it'd be worth a while. worth a fight. 


or perhaps, u lose track. now dat u dun knw wat ur fighting for. and u dun knw if it is worth shyte.


but then again - u learn a lot. good times, no doubt. it goes beyond everythg. jst dat u started to think dat ur too tired for the journey, and u need to jst stop. some path in life u better walk alone, tho u knw to hav someone beside u wld be wonderful.


---


Salam Eid'ul Adha in advance. jst in case i din get the chance in wishing u soon.



---


i decided to end my writing in here. dis is my last post. i din see myself writing shyte out anymore. i gez i had nthg left to share, i prefer to keep thgs to myself lately. i love doin dis, no doubt. but i jst cant see me doin it anymore. 


i shall put dis at rest. if i do come back, then i will. but if i am not, then be it.


u take care. 


love urself more then u love others. for if they leave u behind, u still hav the love wit u. and u'll be alrite. but if u giv em all out, u'll be left wit nthg. and to start all over again is kinda full of shyte u hav to struggle af.


---


gdnyte gais. i will leave dis for a lil while, before u wont be able to completely see any of the post, anymore.




assalam.






Friday, August 19, 2016

lunch break.




done wit the first part of the Mesyuarat Perlaksanaan Prog. Dip. Lanjutan Kesihatan Mental, jst now. break for lunch and Jumaat. Dr Elen lantik aku jadi S/U and i hav to deal wit all the corrections and such over the discussions we had. and he kept mention my name again and again up to a point aku rasa tak selesa, since there's ramai yg senior, bosses and such. i was jst there as one of the committee and contributor.


and a plain kuli, as well.


perhaps aku pernah kerja dgn dia, we used to hav byk discussions over thgs under the sun, and aku adore the way he sees thgs, the way he thinks and such.


tak berbahasa bahasi, berpantun segala yg tak berfaedah. bodoh dan buang masa.


and thru out the meeting, aku giler tak tahan mengantuk. i went out for some breather for coupla times, basuh muka and pi Unit Penilaian dan Peperiksaan, catching up wit Kak Ton etc. but then again, i am glad i manage to concentrate well. perhaps all dis brain-storming, intellectual discussion and discourse r thgs yg aku minat - so it shldnt be much shyte for me. but then again - i cant wait to thumb-out and hit home to crash.





owh?




gais, jgn lupa Jumaat. ya?







assalam











woke up at 2.30am in the morn., i was hungry like hell. i felt like drivin up to mamak and hav sthg, but i din. too lazy to get the hell outta bed. so pagi neh, 6.30am aku dah kuar rumah - it was way early i knw - tp aku lapar and i need to get sthg sebelum aku masuk ofc. alhamdulillah, had my proper breakfast and i off to the ofc.


and today - there'll be a Mesyuarat Perlaksanaan Program Diplomma Lanjutan Kesihatan Mental in here, and i am one of those yg kena hadir. alhamdulillah - after like years workin on the modules, curriculum and such - the course will kick off by early next month. there'll be an intake of like 30 stdnts - if i am not mistaken. i wont be the Penyelaras watever not, but i'll be teaching as well - contributing my specialization on Health Psychology and Counseling. i feel good about it and i cant wait.








i am still mad of myself. i dun blame the whole shyte on anyone else, but me. i shld be wiser on dis. i shldve known better. dis aint the first time i am standing and walking in dis shitty kinda shoes - been there before dis, and i knw how it ends. but again - it was jst me - said i dun mind takin the risk and i failed myself, i failed it badly. and i jst cant help myself.


i blame it to myself. solely.


gtg. u hav a good day ahead. i'll see u when i see u!