Tuesday, July 17, 2018

the aftermath.

Image result for emptiness

get out of bed. go get some better clothes. put it on. write one sentence. and write the sentence after dat. keep writing. for u jst hav to. and dat makes u feel way better. find someone. talk to someone. hear me well. pour ur chest out. tell em of ur day. things u wanna do. thgs u like. and thgs u dun like. go to the thg u said u'd go to. avoid doin the thg u said u wldnt. 

coz it'll hurt u in return. 

open the curtain. go to bed when u planned to. and before u do - forgive ppl who dun deserve to be forgiven and then forget em. sounds fuckin easy - to forgive and to forget. but trust me - u dun hav any choices. but to forgive em and forget. forgive urself as well. yet love em unconditionally. but rmbr to love urself even more. for when they leave u high and dry, u still hav urself. get goin. get movin. gettin stuck on the same track is sucha waste. fuck u - u knw better. 

look in-between the cracks to find the reasons y u r here. y u r still here. eat. u need dat. eat properly. and eat alone in public spaces if u need to. u dun go mumbling tellin the world how suck it is to be alone, and havin ur meal on ur own - its beautiful. get on the train. answer ur emails. text ur frens. ur love ones. ur ex-es. or simply avoid em all, all at once. 

let go of wat u need to let go of. jst do one thg, in a day - dat moves u closer to bein the person u wanna be. 

do the difficult thang. not the easy one. the easy one, the easy fun/love/company will let u live but the difficult thang will kill u - unless u kill it first. and the difficult thang remains in u. forever. 

walk out into the light after the long hide, long difficult night - and show the world wat horrible, hideous and terrible damage u hav done. let em fear u. for u still stand still - no matter how fucked up thgs is.

God bless us. me, and u.




Saturday, May 12, 2018


hav u ever been in love? i am sure u do. horrible, no? darn it makes u feel so vulnerable. and it makes u feel like the whole world, is urs, at the same time. it opens ur chest and it opens up ur heart and fuck it - it means dat someone can get inside u and fuckin mess u up.

u build up all these defenses, u build up a whole suit of armor, so dat nthg can hurt u - but then dis one stupid person; no different from any other stupid person, wanders into ur stupid life - and u giv em a piece of u. yet they din ask for it.

they started to take thgs for granted. for they knw ur weakness well. they started to do sthg dumb one day, like kissin u and make u sucha a fool, at ur back. and then ur life isnt urs own anymore. ur down in deep shyte. u hardly breathe and gaspin for some air. and for some truth out there, if there is. u blamed urself for everythg, and u withdrew into ur own world.

loves take hostages. it gets inside u. it eats u out and leaves u cryin in the darkness, cravin for justice. so simple phrase like "maybe we shld jst be frens" turns into a glass splinter workin its way into ur heart. fuck it, it hurts. not jst in the imagination, not jst in the mind.

it is a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-u-and-fuckin-rips-u-apart kinda shitty pain.

fuck u.

Friday, May 11, 2018


jst bcoz we dun talk anymore, doesnt mean dat i hav forgotten about u. it doesnt mean dat i no longer care. the truth is - i still do. i do my best to check up on u, to see how ur doin - tho sometimes it hurts - jst to see if ur okay.

but every time i get the urge to talk to u - it suddenly hits me dat - darn we r strangers, i jst dun knw how to react anymore, and dat u dun really want me in ur life, dat i wasnt good enuff, hence the reason y i am no longer a part of u.

but, even tho everythg's changed, i jst want u to knw dat - i still care. like i always do. tho i knw i wasnt there for (physically) enuf as u wished - i will still be here for u, i will still lend my shoulders, and my ears - when ur lonely, and down wit no one really there for u. when everyone will jst be around u for fun, and leave u when they got wat they want. and i dun care wat time it is, wat i am doin - jst dun hesitate to talk to me, bcoz half of the time - i wish dat u were talkin to me - and not to some random ppl u jst get to knw, or to someone i knew, at my back. 

i gez i miss ur presence, i miss u being my best fren, and i miss u in general. but do miss me? maybe u do. maybe u dun. or maybe, u jst like the idea of missin me.

coz u knw words r cheap sometimes. and i dun believe in words, anymore.

Sunday, April 29, 2018

the you.

Image result for dark moon

dis isnt me. and its not u either.

i knw u  need to take some time off. i gez jst like the way u always did, before. and dis time around, i will, too. so enjoy the break. enjoy ur holidays. enjoy the ones ur wit. enjoy the changing. its the time of ur life.

i promise - i'll speak to u again. i mean, no. i shldnt say a promise i aint sure of keepin. 

but theres one thg dat i knw - i love u. 

i always do.

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

life is?

dis world is hard - nobdy says it'd be easy. it has sharp edges, and points dat cut the hell thru u. it will make u choose between trust, love, money and sleep. 

u gotta choose love each time, and sleep when u can. money - only when u must. trust urself, way better than anythg else.thgs will change. ppl do too. they will say thgs they dun really mean, darn u gotta trust urself way better.

bcoz dis world is hard. and at times - it is too hard, for me.

i wish u gais all the very best!

do you?

Image result for faces

how many hearts wld u invaded for some reasons,
each time u said "i love u", but fcuk -
u meant it?

Monday, April 23, 2018


'..some nites - i wanna run for the hills
its never easy wit u
i cannot reason wit u
but ur smile, as rare as it comes
wat wld i do w/o dat?
maybe dats y i come back
wat wldnt i do for u?'

'..where u at? at fren's?
no u aint motherfucker
but i giv u the benefit of the doubt
whenever the doubt kicks in, i shiver'

'..think i cught u cheatin again
giv u another chance? another one after dat?
i'm swimmin in dat Egyptian RIver coz i am in denial
say u dun eat shyte, but u hav a shyte-eatin grin when u smile
makin an excuse for u, start actin out
u jst actin out, wit ur inner child
then i set the truth on fire
coz i'd rather believe a lie
then i breathe a sigh of relief
fuck i dun believe in goin to bed mad'

Sunday, April 22, 2018

a letter before i'm gone.

i knw dis is a bittersweet time of the year for me, coz i knew too much.

and u rmbr too many shytes, for someone at ur age.

there r lights in the sky and theres water in ur eyes, even tho the soft glow of everythg thru the window as u drive past, makes u happy. its happy kinda sad, its a sad kinda happy. God sake, r u happy now?

how long do we hav? no more? who do u hav? only so many. maybe less. but it is enuff, and i knw they r enuff.

i hope u find ur heart under the sky, somewhere - wrapped in a beautiful paper, tied wit a bow. i hope u forgive the ppl u hate and dat u find some kinda peace in someone else, someone who deserves u better, even if its jst for coupla days before we all return to the business of forgetting our lives as we live em.

ur heart is enuff.

dun get me wrong (as u always did), good thgs happen, more than u might expect. or more than u might ever dream - but bad thgs happen too, and u gotta appreciate all the moment between those two points bcoz dats life too. and it keeps on happening no matter wat u do, no matter how hard u try to mold thgs back as it used to be - until it doesnt and then all dats left is wat u made and who u loved.

ur life is enuff.

if i've learned anythg dis year, it is wat i hav said before, "listen to urself. listen to the kindest voice in ur head. it is the highest form of urself. the best is the kindest u, to urself, and others".

rmbr. its sharp and rough out there. the only way u can beat it is by keepin it soft and gentle in ur heart, and be nice to others. kindly do take care of urself.

bein kind is enuff. love is enuff.


thank u for every ounce of kindness u hav show all dis while, along the way. its been years. and i rmbr every each of it. thanks for keepin all those secrets away from me, and i believe u did dat for some good reasons. thank u for all dat u r. u r beautiful, and loved by the universe dat made u.

u r more than enuff.

my best;

shah shahe.
0314am, mumuland.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

when truth hurts

when the truth hurts, dats precisely when it can be the most helpful. tho it's temptin to deny or avoid such painful truth - our best choice is to pay close attention.

those who point out the truth, even the truth is painful to hear and bear - is a real fren. for when ur encouraged to acknowledge the reality of the situation, we can begin to successfully deal wit that shitty shyte. we gotta listen carefully when the truth hurts. we'll gain the wisdom to avoid even greater pain in the future.

the painful truth is doin u a favor. it is providing us an opportunity to make a change for the better.

when the truth hurts, be thankful it has gotten ur attention. seize the powerful opportunity dat gives us, and go forward wit it. decide to transform the pain of truth into the energy of determination. feel the painful truth, then let tits power set us free and push us forward.

sounds fcukin easy, no?