Friday, February 28, 2020

..









..







we often attach letting go to negativity bcoz we take it as givin up, and givin up is a sign of weakness. dats not true. sometimes letting go can be as positive as holdin on, and sometimes holdin on can be as negative as lettin go.

lettin go of wat makes u miserable is the right decision to make bcoz while one opportunity dat ur holdin on to make u cry ur heart out, another opportunity is patiently waiting for u. it is patiently waiting for u to let go of wat u hav and hold on to dis new opportunity. when u let go of wat u hav, do it right away - dun let go feelin weak. dun let go feelin like u've done anythg but ur absolute best. dun let go feelin like u were not worth the opportunity.

it was not meant to be worth ur pain, although it may be painful. think deeply into the purpose dat made u take dat opportunity, and if u've achieved dat purpose - then take pride in it. giv urself credit and dun ever let anybody put u down. let go feelin like the biggest winner and let the loss go home wit the opportunity dat never appreciated u.

reflect. learn. breathe. and move on. hold on to the next exciting thg dat the world opens up for u and put ur best forward - for ur best will never let the inner u down.

ever.


---


tough shye? exactly.
nobody says it is easy.












Thursday, February 27, 2020

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if u think my silence has no meaning - think again. and think twice. think, and u will realize the strength i hold back my words wit. the most universal language is dat of silence.

we all usi it. but it is the most misunderstood. it is the most powerful. it is the only language dat we all express yet each hav our own unique way of expressing. go for those who understand ur own silence no matter wat u coat it wit. gor for those who r aware of the existence of meaning behind ur silence, one dat is deeper than wat any words can rightfully express.

after all, if they dun understand ur silence, they will never understand ur words. 

or u, urself.






Wednesday, February 26, 2020

..




"i miss u even more, today.


i was driving all day today, and i was listening to some random music on Spotify - and there were songs i used to dedicate em to u - the lyrics and all, askin u to listen to them - but all u did was askin me back, "wats wit the song? wat does it mean?" and i rmbr swearing to God i wont be sharin any song wit u anymore. 

and for the past coupla days, i hav been using the briefcase u gav it away to me for my birthday, coupla years back. i am sure u dun rmbr it, but i do - jst dat i hardly rmbr wat was the year then. it is good in shape, and i rmbr using it coupla times before i decided to keep it back at rack, bcoz it is so beautiful i feel like i am not ready to use it as yet. but i did, for the past 2 days. and it feels good. besides, i had few frens askin about it, i feel nice. i feel like ur close to me. and i feel at ease.

u gez wat? a fren bought me a pack of jeruk campur, which u knw i love it much. and upon having some, i stopped in the middle. i had u in mind - jst bcoz the jeruk is from Penang. and ur belong there. i rmbr we had a brief off-days there in Penang, and it was beautiful.

i do think of u every now and then. i am not sure about u - i knw u had a huge, enormous ego i cant describe and u knw it well, as well. and yeah, i am not sayin i am dat perfect as well. i hav flaws. i do shyte too. and i am not tryin to put all shyte on u, no.

and yes, dis is not the first time. but dis time it feels different. i feel at ease. i feel more content and i am ready for any possibilities. i am sad thgs has to be dis way, but i dun think ur feelin the same anymore."



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goodnye.









Sunday, February 23, 2020

huge heart




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bein a caring person wit a huge heart is both a blessing and a curse. u genuinely care about others so obvioulsy want to do anythg u can to help others, even if it means helpin em over urself. now i am not sayin to be selfish and not help ppl out is better, but u always hav to rmbr to make urself happy, first. dammit, i learnt dat by hard. i kept tellin myself for so many times yes, but i failed like every time. 

if the ppl u r puttin in time and effort for dun giv a flyin fuck about ur happiness as well, then u hav to put an end to it. u r in charge of ur own happiness, and while others can play a huge role on ur overall mood - at the end of the day, it is u job to look in the mirror and be satisfied wit urself.

so always make sure u r doin dat.

i used to struggle wit puttin ppl before myself, all my life - always bein afraid to say 'no' in fear dat they wld be upset wit me. but i realized dat i cant keep living life dat way anymore, i've been bullied emotionally, and i wasnt truly happy. i learned dat i hav to do thgs for myself sometimes and not care wat other ppl think about it. i keep tellin myself dat i gotta think to myself wit ppl and say "wld they do the same for me?" and if the answer is 'no', then i shld re-evaluate everythg i'm gonna do for em on a daily basis. bcoz once i started thinkin dat way, i realized dat half of the ppl i was helping, wldnt ever do the same if the tables were turned.

o i knw wat u mght hav in mind now, and u knw somethg - yes, i dun giv a fuck really. ur entitled for ur own thought and yes, i hav nothg to do wit it.

wit dat bein said tho, i will always love helpin ppl and makin em happy regardless of wat they hav or havent done for me. i gez wat i am sayin in dis dat u shldnt continously waste ur time caring about someone and givin em everythg, if they r not givin anythg in return.

relationship r a two way street, and regardless if it's a frenshp or romatic relationship - u dserve to be treated and cared equally.




morn!






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good morning. i knw it is way too early, but i am gonna wish u so anyway.


u gotta get out of bed.
open the curtains. let the sun comes in.
take care of urself.
write one sentence. and write another, after dat.
go for a run. leave all the shyte behind.
talk to someone. ask em how the morn looks like.
go to the thg u said u'd go to. jst go. wit not much of thinkin.
avoid doin thgs u said u wldnt.
forgive ppl who dun deserve to be forgiven.
and then - u forget them.
look in-between the cracks -
find the reasons y u r; the forgive-and-forget thang.
get in ur car. go places u wanna go.
eat. u knw u gotta eat.
eat alone in public spaces if u need to.
answer/avoid the texts.
let go of wat u need to let go.
jst let go, and leave.
do jst one thg dat moves u closer -
to bein the person u wanna be.
be home. home to urself.
curtain off.
write one sentence. and another one after dat.
take care of urself. ur heart and soul.
go to bed when u planned to.


u hav a good day, ahead.






..




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2.15am



i no longer  fight my pain
or my frustration or my anger
or my hatred anymore

dis time around
i sit wit it
i put my arm around it
and i say,

"there ur - old fren
where hav u been?
wat do u need to tell me now?"

and i let it crash on my shoulder
and cry out
i let it be
and i dun hold who it is anymore
against it.











leave.






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when ppl make u feel unwanted - dun leave to make them feel sad or guilty, coz rmbr - they wont. leave bcoz u no longer hav a reason to stay. leave bcoz u knw u deserve way much better. leave bcoz u cant stay and torture urself, again and again.

sometimes u hav to be strong for urself. wats meant to be will end up good and wats not - they wont.

love is worth fighting for, but sometimes - u cant be the only one fighting. it's tiring. and it'll burn u down - inside out. at times - ppl need to fight for u. if they dun, u jst hav to move on and realize dat wat u gav them was more than they were willing to giv u and more than they deserve.






Saturday, February 22, 2020

time







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if u dun make time for urself every single day -
literally giv urself time to do nothg
ur body will take all the time u owe it - all at once.

and u will sit there - on the side of the bed
and u will cry and say under ur breath between sobs;
"wats wrong wit me?"
but ur not weak
and theres nothg wrong wit u.

u hav jst forgotten to giv urself time.







..








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lie to me.
tell me someone who isn't here
is still here.