Monday, July 24, 2017

Sem 3 - goodbye!

last kelas wit Sem 3 on Psy Medicine. and perhaps, last kelas as well i am teaching the students on Psy Medicine. there'll be someone new sits in and teach dis subject. a brand new lad, wit a brand new skill etc.

i love teaching Psychiatry. apart from my specialty/major in Psychology - Psychiatry is wat i do and it is wat i fall in love wit. i hav worked in Psychiatry setting before, and being able to teach the stdnts and share some stories, knowledge on wat u did and wat u went thru - was the best thang, seriously. bdk2 bosan kalo ko jst ngajar and baca slides. trust me - opah aku pun can do dat better. they wanna more about ur experience and such, and dat makes the whole picture, complete.

even ko score in ur degree, first honors class segala - tp bila mengajar ko berleter, u cannot relate and make the stdnts see the real fact, they will learn nthg.

and not many yg suka mengajar Psychiatry pun. unless ko org baru, and ko hav no choice, no specialty - dats different.

i shld be looking at dis a change of perspective. must be somethg good about dis. Allah knws better.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

the u.

Image result for someone you knew

it is weird when u think u knew someone way better than u knw urself well. it is weird u hardly knw urself coz ur more interested to knw others and u hav no time to knw urself well.

or perhaps, someone knws the u dat goes to bed early bcoz u jst cant talk. u wanted to, but u jst cant. or u jst dun knw how. or the u dat doesnt stop talkin when they r excited.

i am sure someone knws dat u stays up late bcoz ur head is too fcukin busy, no matter wat u tell it to settle down. or u woke up in the mid of the nite, staring into the endless dark and emptiness coz of dat sthg, strugglin to get the hell outta ur skull. 

there must be many, who knw the u dat u wish other ppl tot u were. or how ppl wish they cld be u, but u urself refused to be one. and more dat knw the u, dat other ppl actually think u r. or how they adore u and u wish u cld shut em the fuck up and shoo em away.

and perhaps a few knw u - at least - knw the u dat u think u r.

but God sake - only i knw the u dats left - when the rest of u has gone away.

Sunday, March 5, 2017


u dun keep telling sucha shyte again and again. u dun keep telling the world ppl's mistakes as if ur covering urs. wat ru tryin to prove? dat ur smart enuff amd others r numbskull? say it clear, say it wise. once for all. if someone says he/she wanted to change for betterment, giv him/her a shot. a chance. enuff tellin shyte once, coz if u dun - better off no chance given at the first place.

find somethg new to talk about. start a brand new. u dun keep asking how, why again and again. coz if u keep wanting to do so - u shld not think of givin a chance, at the first place. put ur fuckin self in his/her shoes, and taste the shyte urself. 

u feel good? does it taste good? u think ppl wanna do shyte jst like dat, and if he/she regrets it, u cld jst go on again and again play those issues on for ages, like a broken record?

i believe in chances. i believe in keepin other's morality intact, to keep urs well as well. i believe in givin up, when u cant see any greener pastures left. 

but then again, fuck off wit wat i believe, coz it doesnt matter. u'll go sayin 'ur the one to blame in here, suits u well', 'it is ur fault, take it as it is!', i knw.

i said enuff.

Monday, February 27, 2017

wat if?

Image result for what if black and white

wat do u say when they say they r fine? wat is left when it all goes wrong? wat can u do to make it all better? 

wat will happen if it all goes to hell?

so wat do u hav to worry about? see ur answer above. 


alrdy in INTAN Wilayah Tengah, or INTENGAH. as usual, nthg much in here. but i gez i will enjoy the nthgness so dat i will get the chance to hav a look into myself, and thgs to do next. 

Putrajaya is a nay. KSKB JB? i yet to tell. but i gez i will go to where i'd be appreciated, needed. stayin put in the same place for a long time, cld be toxic, sometime.


Image result for flame black and white

"the hardest thg u ever do, will be not doing sthg".


dis is true for me.

i'be been ignoring him/her the last coupla days bcoz it is the only thg i knw. i've always ran bcoz i never learned to stay, and talk about thgs. i knw it well. call me coward, and i dun giv a fcuk. everybdy always left me, dat is how i learned it.

not confronting him/her is hard. and i am not goin to use ur advice, even tho it is true.

i am not goin to blame anyone else, tho i knw he/she will always did. i rather put thgs on myself, and get fcuk up. i am jst too stubborn for my own good.

but thanks anyway.


hav a good day ahead. leaving town again, for a week. i will see u, when i see u.
u take care.

Sunday, February 26, 2017


Image result for night black and white

if u can do nthg else, then tell the truth.

say, 'i dun knw who i was before now, and i dun knw who i will be trow'. say, 'there r thgs about me u'll never fix, and it is not ur job to fix me. take me or leave me alone'. say, 'i feel thgs i dun knw how to feel'.

say, 'we can be anythg, but we cant be everythg'. say, 'i can do nthg else, dis is me - and dis is all there is'.

and if anyone stays wit u, after u hav told them dat - stay wit them. 

as long as they'll hav u. 
and as long as they want u.


Monday, February 20, 2017


Image result for waiting

everyone talks about love at first sight, like most of the time - but not once has some well-meaning soul turned to me and said other wise.

like, "do u knw how many years it takes to become strangers,again?".


Wednesday, February 15, 2017


Image result for hurt black and white

i am kept awake not only by the ppl dat i hurt, whether on purpose or accidentally, i am kept awake by everyone i hurt unknowingly - who might still be hurt.

dis is the hardest thg - u can never knw how many ppl u hurt, jst by being u.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

walked off.

6 years, and it means a lot to u. but now, it leaves u wit dat numb kinda feelin and nthg else. u hav no regret, but u keep wishing it'd be worth a while. worth a fight. 

or perhaps, u lose track. now dat u dun knw wat ur fighting for. and u dun knw if it is worth shyte.

but then again - u learn a lot. good times, no doubt. it goes beyond everythg. jst dat u started to think dat ur too tired for the journey, and u need to jst stop. some path in life u better walk alone, tho u knw to hav someone beside u wld be wonderful.


Salam Eid'ul Adha in advance. jst in case i din get the chance in wishing u soon.


i decided to end my writing in here. dis is my last post. i din see myself writing shyte out anymore. i gez i had nthg left to share, i prefer to keep thgs to myself lately. i love doin dis, no doubt. but i jst cant see me doin it anymore. 

i shall put dis at rest. if i do come back, then i will. but if i am not, then be it.

u take care. 

love urself more then u love others. for if they leave u behind, u still hav the love wit u. and u'll be alrite. but if u giv em all out, u'll be left wit nthg. and to start all over again is kinda full of shyte u hav to struggle af.


gdnyte gais. i will leave dis for a lil while, before u wont be able to completely see any of the post, anymore.